He was out all night again

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 106
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee

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vee323 :  the boss’s wife condones her husband’s behavior.

“He’s a millionaire though so that might be the catch.”

Lol!  Of course it is!  “I’ll put up with anything if I can spend his money.”

No thank you!

Post # 107
Member
10991 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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vee323 :  

A millionaire?  Yeah, that could alter her perspective just a bit.

Tell your stbx that after he makes his first million, you will reconsider the possibility of reconciliation.

Post # 108
Member
10991 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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gimmepretty :  

There is a book that may really be helpful to your friend, Splitting, Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Narcissistic or Borderline Personality Disorder.

It’s written by Bill Eddy, who is both an LCSW and an attorney.

Post # 109
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee

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sassy411 :  she’s read everything out there and is now really well educated about sociopathic narcissism and realizes that his whole family has streaks of narcissism groomed into them by their mother.  She and her attorney as well as her own therapist do their best to plan ahead for sabotaging behavior.  The stunts he pulls with family court re the custody stuff is unbelievable. The real shocking part is seeing judges enable him.  He cancels court dates last minute and if he does show up for one he shows up late with last minute submissions prepared by his attorney.  And since he’s pushed everything late and the judge doesn’t want to reschedule the court date again, they usually rush to give him what he wants since there’s no time left to debate it.  His surprise tactics have successfully worked for him in court, manipulating the custody arrangements, three times to shameful effect.  The family court system is a mess.  Whoever can pay the most legal fees to pull off the most stunts and the most harassment wins.  I’m glad OP doesn’t have kids with her stbx.  He and his enabling mother would really make her life hell.

Post # 111
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2056 posts
Buzzing bee

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vee323 :  lost deposits are part for the course.  Don’t sweat it.  But I think you’ll be surprised how your stress will reduce when you take that step of canceling.  You’ll be out of “decision- crisis” and onto tying up loose ends and putting this decision behind you.  It’s soooo worth it!

Post # 112
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

I know I’m late to the party but I’ve got to know…. when does this guy sleep?!?!

Post # 113
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

No way.  Sketchy AF and you have told him it bothers you but he continues to do it.  It’s not going to c change.  Who knows what he’s doing, i think you’re better off not knowing.  

Post # 115
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Yep I’d get the same story from my ex. “Out with the guys and you’re sleeping so why does it matter?”  What I wished I’d realized then was that he was basically choosing them over me and the kids.  So much happier now with someone who’d rather be with me than without me. 

Post # 116
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2023 - Chateau Saint Georges, Grasse, France

My father has been like this his whole life. My mother left him several years ago, and that didn’t change him. This sounds morbid but he only started coming home early (around 6pm) about 3 months ago when he got sick with an aggressive form of cancer. So yeah, don’t expect your guy to change. Maybe only cancer can change him. 

Post # 117
Member
10991 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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gimmepretty :  

Yeah, If you total up all the lost deposits, it still won’t come anywhere *near* the cost of a divorce.

Sometimes, you just have to pay a steep price for your freedom and peace of mind.  Ultimately, when you look in the rear view mirror, the money lost will seem negligible in exchange for all you have won.

Post # 118
Member
10991 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

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vee323 :  

I honestly don’t think he believes he is doing anything wrong.

This sentence just caught my eye.  I’m sure you’re right, Bee.  You have a major values clash.  A couple can have differing views on lots of things and be fine together.  Values is not among those things.  If two people do not share the same beliefs on right and wrong within a committed relationship, they’re doomed.

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