(Closed) He watches a lot of porn…

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t think you can fix this on your own–and it’s not your problem to fix, by the way. It sounds like he has a porn addiction which is something that he’ll have to see a professional about.

Generally speaking, any addiction only has to do with the person who has it–not other people. So this doesn’t involve your weight, your pregnancy, how often you’re around and so on. Do not blame yourself.

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

From what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like what he’s doing is healthy for your relationship. He’s sneaking around and doing it all the time, wheenver he isn’t watched. And it’s replacing actual intimacy between you two. I think this is something you two should see a counselor about, I’ll admit I don’t know the first thing about porn addiction, but I’m sure it’s fixable.

Post # 7
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If this is a generalized problem of him being distant, then I still think that some professional help is in order–I’d go by yourself even, if he refuses couple’s therapy. And as a disclaimer, I am not an armchair therapist and I’m not saying he definitely has a porn addiction. I’m just cluing you in to the possibility because:

Watching porn “90% of the time” and ALL the times you aren’t around is not normal. Leaving your bed to go watch porn every night is not normal. And I say this as someone who watches a little porn herself, and who’s Darling Husband watches porn. I stress this because, like any other addiction, it will affect you in ways beyond just the emotional fallout–have you checked your credit card statements, for example? And a lot of times, people with porn addiction are actually NOT sexual when it comes to their partners. They are literally addicted to pornography to such a degree that they prefer it to sex with their partners, as much as they can prefer it to working, sleeping, eating, and seeing friends. Now, that doesn’t mean that addiction can’t be stirred by a precipitating event, and having a baby is a big change in one’s life. But irregardless, it’s not you or the baby that’s the problem here, that’s what I feel is important for you to understand.

It concerns me more is that you seem to WANT to believe that it’s you–what advice could we offer if that were the case? “Sure, it’s you. Lose another 20 pounds and greet him at the door wearing nothing but an apron. That’ll renew the passion.” Not to be snarky, but do you see how silly that sounds? You are the MOTHER of his child. Yes, it’s normal for your sex life to dwindle because having a baby is stressful and time-consuming, but men do not start watching pornography all the time because their wives gain a little pregnancy weight. If there are problems in the relationship and the sex life–which may or may not be addiction, but are at least causing you emotional strain–then you, preferably both of you, need to get help.

Post # 8
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’m usually not one to have a problem with porn…I watch it and Fiance watches it (when I’m not here and even sometimes when I am), we watch it together…really doesn’t both me because I know he’ll jump at the chance to be nekked with me…but I would say that your guy is letting porn take over your sex life and he is neglecting you because of it.

Honestly, if you’re not around, I don’t see that there is a problem with him watching porn.  And though each couple has to make their own rules, I think dictating to someone that they can’t watch porn when you’re not even home is wrong and in most cases will probably cause him to sneak around (not that I’m saying this justifies anything by any means).  But then again, that’s my opinion, and I don’t think.  

However, I do agree with the other posters that say he has an addiction…or I think he may be hiding behind the porn for a bigger issue.

Post # 10
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think maybe for all that time you guys weren’t having sex that maybe he’s gotten “comfortable” … try putting it on when its just you and him maybe? Watch it together? 🙁 Hope that helps. 

Post # 11
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This sounds like something serious that you need to bring up with him.  You need to explain to him the reasons why this is hurting you, explain that you feel it is affecting your relationship and that you are half that relationship and you deserve more!  Imagine if you watched porn 90% of your time!  This is definitely something a councelor can help with – check with your health insurance for info on coverage. 

I can’t belive he spends that much time doing it!  Doesn’t he help out around the house, cook dinner, errands, help with the baby, have any (real) hobbies?  If it gets bad – set up parental block!

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