He went back to the girl he cheated on with me

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
3043 posts
Sugar bee

papayagirl :  From what I’ve read from your previous posts, it would be a good idea for you to have a “moratorium” on dating, for a while. It might help you discover that life is more than having a man at your side, that there are so many things to enjoy that are possible without the presence of a romantic interest in your life. 

Post # 17
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

If they’ll cheat WITH you, they’ll cheat ON you. Sorry this happened, it’s a hard lesson learned–hopefully you will be wiser and guard your heart in the future.

Post # 18
Member
2081 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

This guy is having a great time and getting sex on demand. Why would he stop? Soon he will be “having issues” with the other woman again (I love that he claims she’s sooo in love with him. Great way to make you jealous and more likely to accept him back) and come back to sleep with you. Then he will have to “give her another chance” and you guys will be back to strictly friends. But, then, lo and behold, he’ll reevaluate his life and want you back in it. He’s doing the same thing to her, and you are both letting him. Cut off his supply and stop making yourself crazy. Go no contact.

Post # 19
Member
9827 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You’re the side chick. I know that hurts to hear but he was using you for sex and whatever other perks.

Stop talking to him, block his number and stop thinking you guys had something special. He’s a loser who used you and you deserve better than that. 

Post # 20
Member
1105 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Ok, so clearly you and this guy can not have an honest relationship, which means that you shouldn’t have a relationship with him. And since you seem to want a relationship with him, that means you shouldn’t be friends with him. And if you’re going to claim that you don’t want a relationship with him, you shouldn’t be friends with someone who cheats. 

You need to figure out why you act this way. Therapy can help with this. *Then* you need to seek out higher quality men. 

Post # 21
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I KIND of had the same situation a long time ago, with a previously “good friend”, only I didn’t know he was seeing someone. He was a prominent person in our community, and always kept private matters (including his relationships) off social media, supposedly to just maintain his private life. This is someone I had feelings for for quite a long time, and when something finally happened I was ecstatic. We had flirted with each other for a while, and at that time I was a little on the shy side, and didn’t want to assume he was really into me. But one day it all finally came to a head, and we ended up making out one day. However… and there’s always a however with these guys… we were both at lunch one day with a group of friends, and someone asked how his girlfriend was doing. I just sat there, shocked. I felt like someone shot me. He called me later while I was at work, and said he hadn’t been seeing her long, and alluded that had he known about my feelings, he wouldn’t have pursued a relationship with her. I decided to leave him alone until he figured things out. Fast forward.. he calls me a few weeks later to say he broke up with her. I was wary, but I decided to give it a shot. Fast forward a month or two again.. and some girl tagged him in photos at some formal event (obviously together in these photos). Everyone commenting what a cute couple they were. At that point, I had it. For the next few years he kept contacting me to try to hook up, usually when he was with someone. Moral of the story: guys that engage in that sort of behavior normally don’t change. I won’t say it NEVER happens, but in my experience it requires a serious come to Jesus moment. Unless that happens, they will continue to do that with any girl they date. And oh yeah, he wanted to cheat on his now wife with me when she was on her bachelorette trip. Called me to see if I was interested. Nope. Please remove this guy from your life. All it will be is hurt. 

Post # 22
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I hope you realize that you can’t be friends with him. From your post, it’s obvious that you want to continue to be friends with him in the hopes that he’ll leave the other girl and be with you. The problem with that, is that you are the other girl, and he’s a compulsive cheater. Either he’ll cheat on other women with you, or he’ll cheat on you with other women, but regardless, he’s never going to be your monogamous partner. He’s never going to make you happy, and the two of you will never be able to to just be friends.

I’m of the mindset that you can’t be friends with your exes. It just doesn’t work. If you have kids with someone, yeah, you’ll need to be friendly, but other than that – no. Full stop. I’m grateful that my husband agrees.

Papaya – Move on. You’ll never be happy until you do.

Post # 23
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s not about you being good enough. What he did was all about him.

There’s no way to know for sure what will happen between him and other women, but if he did it to you, he could it to someone else. What he does with other women is neither here nor there, though. What matters is what you do. He used you and led you on; he said one thing one day, then said a completely different thing the next. That made you feel terrible. Now that you know he’s capable of doing this to you, you should not be with him anymore. 

Sex, kissing, and cuddling should be off the table. Casual hangouts fixing cars and getting lunch should not be an option. Talking about relationships should not be done. Hiking with him should not happen at all. You can find a better friend than him and you can find a better boyfriend than him. Cutting him loose will do you a world of good.

You won’t have to worry about his treatment of you or what he considers you at all if you ditch him. Problem solved.

Post # 24
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

If you don’t want to feel used, don’t be a side chick. 

Post # 25
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I feel sorry for his actual girlfriend. She deserves better.

 

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