He won't let me wear my ring at work. Really upset!

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 17
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

sdarrach25 :  Then.. he has no excuse. Anytime a guy feels free to tell you what you are “allowed” or “forbidden” to do, that is a huge red flag. Also, an engagement ring is a gift. He has no authority to tell you when and where to wear it. He is free, however, to purchase insurance on the ring if he’s really worried about it. 

Post # 18
Member
12123 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

He doesn’t get to make the judgment call for you. If this is consistent with controlling tendencies, I’d think long and hard about marriage. 

Post # 19
Member
3832 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Wow. He could have said he was worried about the ring getting damaged while you were at work, and then you could have explained that it’s not likely and you’re willing to risk it, and perhaps you could get ring insurance. That’s a reasonable discussion. But forbidding you to wear your own ring at work is alarming.

Post # 21
Member
684 posts
Busy bee

sdarrach25 :  if you’re not going to be working on cars or getting your hands dirty, I really do not see a valid reason to not allow you to wear your ring. I think that’s not right and borderline controlling. My Fiance is the opposite because he always encourages me to wear my e ring. Initially I thought your Fiance has a good valid reason for not allowing you to wear your ring.. like maybe a safety issue (dangerous neighborhoods, etc) but now I think it’s uncalled for

edit: my Fiance pays 5 figures for my ring and he never “not allow me” to wear it wherever I want

Post # 22
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee

Seems like a red flag to me.  From the way you describe your job, it doesn’t sound like there’s much risk for damage to the ring or injury to you from wearing it.  

And I concur with the other bees who have said there is no place in an adult relationship of equals for this sort of thing. Frankly, I’m concerned that if the ring eve was damaged (pave can get loose, prongs can bend, etc) that he would be unjustifiably upset with you and blame you. 

If he is so worried about the ring being damaged, though, there are settings that are much sturdier – like bezels.  Maybe that would be the way to go?

Post # 23
Member
1739 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

sdarrach25 :  Okay first of all, the bit with you working in a mechanic shop was very relevant information that should have been in your initial post. With that piece of information, I don’t think your Fiance is trying to be controlling. I think he’s just nervous that the money that he invests in your ring has a high risk of being lost due to your line of work. He’s trying to protect his investment and I understand. Just reassure him that rings are not as fragile as we make this seem, and that’s what insurance is for – in the unlikely case something does happen to the ring, he won’t have to reinvest another $4 grand to fix it. Problem solved.

Post # 24
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

sdarrach25 :  Hey, if it makes you feel better I used to delivery auto parts as well and would have to carry pipes and pick up nasty cores (many leaked because they didn’t drain them) and never had an issue with my rings. You can always grab a pair of work gloves when picking those up to keep your hands clean, otherwise everything is usually in a box or its packaging.

Post # 25
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

sdarrach25 :  i wear my ring at work and I work in any underground gold mine. Fiance wasn’t sure at first but it’s insured and what’s the point of having it if i can’t wear. This isn’t your boyfriend’s choice… its yours

Post # 26
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I agree with everyone saying that the ring is a gift, and YOU should decide how you want to use it. I also kind of think the money/investment is irrelevant. Did you guys discuss how much he should spend on the ring? Did he just decide he would spend 4K and then dictate when you can wear the ring?

i don’t fully understand why he doesn’t trust you to take care of your own ring either. This whole fight seems strange. IDK. 

Post # 27
Member
3446 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

The ring is a gift. Once in your possession, it is yours, and you can wake up every morning and dip it in hot sauce if you want to. I’d just tell him he simply does not have a say when it comes to when you’ll wear your ring.

Post # 28
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee

I’m going to assume it’s more of a “I would prefer you not wearing the expensive ring while working since there will be oil and stuff” than “you are not allowed”. It is your call. it is a gift for you and you decide what you will do with it. also it will  be your responsibility to clean it and fix it if something happens. also if this is about money then maybe you can offer to participate to paying part of it or something? also wether or not you wear 2 rings is your call. maybe wear 2 rings on special.occations and one ring in everyday life? 

but if it was flat out “not allowed” then you have bigger problems.

Post # 29
Member
9098 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

IMO I’d be more upset that he would be assuming I would be willingly damaging the ring rather than taking precautions not to at work.

I’m a handy person. I can work on my car, I can fix my house, I can tear apart a garbage disposal, I do all these things happily and I haven’t ruined my ring because I take a moment to protect it by not being a careless buffoon.

Post # 30
Member
5564 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Do not marry someone who doesn’t “let” you do something.

Youve said your hands don’t even get dirty at work so this really isn’t something he has a say over, and now he’s using it a small an excuse that you should only have a $20 ring as a punishment?!

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