He won't let me wear my ring at work. Really upset!

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

sdarrach25 :  so then you go and get a shellac manicure he wouldn’t know the difference. Won’t chip for 2 weeks. I think he’s being an incomparable moron, I’m sorry bee 

Post # 63
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I agree that “allow” is not in the vocabulary of a healthy relationship. I think you should be very concerned about that,  and how you are treated in your relationship.  You are an adult and he does not have the right to forbid you to do things. If he thinks that he does, something is wrong. 

Post # 64
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

He won’t “let you” wear your ring?  What are you 12?  Do you really let him control you like that?

Post # 65
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

sdarrach25 :  why are you making excuses for his controlling behavior.  Who cares what culture he was raised in?!  I mean come on!

Post # 66
Member
10675 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

sdarrach25 :  

Whenever I hear the word ‘let’ in the context of an adult relationship, I get hives.

Post # 67
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

sdarrach25 :  honey, I am guessing you two are young. I am not going to bash your boyfriend, you or your potential marriage. I will say this. He sounds very immature and very controlling. If you do not put a stop to this immediately you will have more issues like this arise. You do not have to prove anything to him. You made mention about his race and the fact that the man is the boss etc. Are you Mexican? Is his father this way to his mother? And if so is his father going to treat you this way too? I think the race comment was a bit bogus because I know plenty of other raced individuals who have been pushed around and mistreated by their significant other. Are you trying to convince us or yourself that its ok to be “the boss” simply because he is Mexican? Perhaps not get involved in this if race is going to be a topic. Also, will your children be above you too? will your son be allowed to mistreat you? I am guessing yes. And then your son will treat his future partner that way because it will be passed down to him that this is acceptable. I am concerned because you don’t see your worth and neither does he. I am not telling you to walk away from him, I am no stranger to a very rocky marriage at times, but I will tell you this, you hold the power, and you put a stop to this RIGHT NOW. You tell him he is not to treat you poorly and that he is not your father and you do not have to prove anything to him. You tell him this stops today or you are going to consider leaving him. And if he tells you to go then you know where you stand but if he values you, he will change. I hope you know you don’t have to ever be told what to do by your husband. Not over something so silly like this. A ring is a gift and you deserve to wear it, who cares if it gets dirty and dinged up! Does he drive his vehicle in the rain? Has he ever stained a shirt or scuffed a shoe? So because the item is expensive its worth more than your happiness? So when you buy a home he better not ever put a nick in the wall or stain the carpet because that is the same damn thing! Or better yet, for your sake I hope you dont becuase he will be very mad at you and make you feel horrible. I am sorry you have to deal with this.

 

Post # 68
Member
41 posts
Newbee

I’m from a traditional mex household and so my SO , he wouldnt Dare to say that to me . IF ANYTHING HE FEELS PROUD That he was able to get me a ring . PLUS BEE that’s why insurance is for . I work in a kitchen  and also do hair on the side and my ring doesn’t come off I just make sure I clean it as necessary .

This guy sound like a Macho to me . Be careful plz .

Post # 69
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

I can relate, in that I work in healthcare and take gloves on and off all day. So I very rarely wear my ring to work. The difference is that this is my decision, not my partners. He was a bit sad when I told him I couldn’t wear it much, but when I explained why and how it could easily be damaged, he totally accepted that. Now he just lets me decide. If I have a day with no patient contact then I wear it, and it makes him happy, but it’s totally up to me.

Im hoping your Fiance is just concerned about the safety of the ring and is communicating it poorly. It does sound a bit weird that he’s so decisive about it. You need to chat to him about it. xo

Post # 70
Member
2811 posts
Sugar bee

He’s treating you like a child.

You don’t give your partner a gift and then dictate how it’s used, and you certainly don’t run them through trial tests to make sure they can look after it before you give it to them. That’s something a suspicious father does before buying their child a pet or expensive toy.  

 

Post # 71
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

Probably beside the point but I’m getting the impression that insurers are much more benevolent in the US…we don’t have many options for jewellery insurance in my country, they would buck at paying up for damage caused when the owner was carrying around auto parts and even if the claim was successful, there would be an excess payment.

Your boyfriend is being a bit extreme but I wouldn’t take risks with my ring based on its insured status, any more than I would wilfully drive through a hailstorm because I know my car is insured.

Post # 72
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I would really think about if this is someone you want to marry. It sounds like he doesn’t trust your judgment and is controlling. 

The painting your nails thing is completely ridiculous. Seriously, I get chips because I have to use my hands/wash my hands a lot with my job. My ring is fine. 

Post # 73
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Get it insured and wear it to work, end of story. Your post doesn’t paint the whole story, he’s not being controlling, he’s afraid you’ll ruin it. 

 

Post # 74
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

So my FH had some reservations about me wearing my ring to work too. I’m a nurse who works in a “messy” specialty and my band is thin with a high setting so I understand his concerns. I had them too! When we first got engaged I wore a thin titanium band in its place because I was still smacking it on things. I’m used to it now though and after forgetting to switch rings a few times I generally just wear it and it’s been fine. Rings are meant to be worn! Just be sure to insure it. 

Post # 75
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee

samanthrae414 :  in all the hospitals I’ve worked rigs, wrist watches and other jewelry is not allowed for hygiene reasons.  Only small stud earrings are allowed.

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