(Closed) Head Count Distress

posted 7 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: Am I being a rude and unreasonable Bridezilla?
    Yes! It's your fault for not planning this better and you will have to accept and see what happens. : (1 votes)
    5 %
    No! Your reasoning is sound and you have every right to tell people so. : (20 votes)
    95 %
    A Little! You can't tell people not to bring dates/family but you can tell them kids aren't allowed! : (0 votes)
    Yes! This is not a big deal. It will all work out! : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    wow oh my god I am so sorry you have to go through this. First of all, did you make it clear on the invitations that plus one is not to be bought in under any circumstainces? That the invitation is for certain families only and no, it is not for extended? If not you are going to have to unfortuantly put your foot down. It is your wedding and no matter how much it hurts, it is going to have to be approached. And I am sorry but for anyone to say “people are telling me I should have expected and accounted for it.” is uncalled for. It is your wedding, your budget and your venue. If you cannot afford to pay for everyone or cannot fit everyone, than you have the right to pick and choose who you want to invite. It is not THEIR wedding.

    Post # 4
    3572 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Your reasoning is correct, but it seems like you invited ALOT of people knowing you can only fit 200?  What is your count at now?  Do you have a plan if more than 200 invited guests say yes? 

    Post # 5
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Sorry you have to go through this.  Its time to put your foot down and tell your Fiance that he needs to assist in assuring only 200 attend.  Honestly, it will not just work itself out because you will be an unhappy stress out bride.(One of my Bestie is an Event Planner/DOC so I’ve seen it all)   I would honestly let everyone know that they can not bring additional ppl, its is an Adult only affair, and its not “Date Night” on your dime.(One of the reasons why I actually wrote who and how many could attend on my RSVP cards.  BTW- I only invited 45ppl)

    Friends and family forget that weddings are costly as well as a huge production.  The anxiety and stress you are feeling is due to trying to plan one of your happiest days on this Earth.   If you don’t have a support group right now to rally for you, I suggest you recruit some ppl who will assist in getting your point across.  This should help take off the pressure and having to be Bridezilla.  My Maid/Matron of Honor was my sounding board and Thank God she kept me from going Batty. Also other gf keep me inline(I’m soo Type A) and made sure it wasn’t all about the wedding 24/7.

    If you don’t have a DOC, I highly suggest you hire one or have a friend act as one that day.  Also make sure to have a picture handler. 

    Tonight take a break, have a glass of wine, put on some soothing music and dance w/ your Fiance.  Don’t let the craziness drive you to become a Bridezilla:)

    Post # 6
    1843 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We’ve been experiencing the same thing – lots of uninvited children and a few uninvited plus ones.

    In your situation, even at the beginning with 340 on your list – holy cow, that’s a lot of people.  If you use the 75% acceptance rate, that still puts you at 255 people.

    I’d be curious as well – how many “Yes” do you already have?

    At this point, I think you and your fiance need to get on the same page and then start contacting everyone that has broken your rules and simply let them know who was invited and who will be allowed to come.  We’ve been sending out emails, similar to this….

    “We recently received your RSVP indicating 4 guests will be attending our wedding.  While we would love to have everyone’s children (or in your case, “date” or “family”) attend the wedding, due to limited space and seating we are only able to accommodate children of family members.  We hope you understand and are still able to share in our special day.”

    And sometimes I add …

    “I hope you understand, it’s nothing against your children, but if we allowed everyone to bring their children, we’d have an additional 50+ guests that we simply don’t have room for. “

    Post # 7
    7394 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Its not going to work itself out. No one has a right to add extra people to your wedding (and impacting your budget).

    You both need to start making calls now. Something to the affect of “We received your RSVP and are looking forward to celebrating with you. We noticed that you marked down X # of seats, when we allocated X#. Unfortuntely, our venue has strict capacity limits . As it stands now we are going to be in violation of fire codes if we don’t respect those guidelines. We look forward to seeing you, but if you not able to attend because of this we understand.”

    Its none of their business about how many total seats their are, or how many other people are coming. So don’t let them rail road you into adding a bunch of +s.


    Post # 10
    1843 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Khairing Bee:  You don’t have to say “No guest allowed” – the people listed on the invitation are the people who were invited.  If you invited, “Ms. Joan Smith” then Joan is invited…not Joan and her date or her 3 family members you’ve never met.

    When is your RSVP cut off date? I’m assuming a ways off since your wedding is in October?  I would make your “rules” and enforce them – no plus ones unless they were invited, no random guests, no family members or children.  I’d stick to your guns on this one.

    Post # 11
    894 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Just straight out tell them that you are at capacity and if one more person is invited the city will shut it down. For the people saying “I know so and so isn’t going so I am bringing so and so to his/her place” just let them know that IF you have the extra space after your 2nd round of invitations goes out then you will consider it but, that you currently have some other people on the “waiting list” to be invited.

    Post # 13
    2084 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 1993

    You need to get this sorted NOW. Call those who have ‘added’ guests and tell them that you are very sorry, but that the invite was for them, and them only. No exceptions. If you don’t this will only get worse and you’ll end up getting more and more stressed. Good luck.

    Post # 14
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    You are not being rude and unreasonable by making it clear that uninvited guests are not allowed.  That is what not being invited means – they are the ones being out of line if they try to bring people.  It’s like if you make a dinner reservation or are going to a play with friends.  Once you’ve made the plans, someone can ask if it is feasible and okay to bring someone else, but if they expect that everyone will run around backwards to accomodate them, they’re being entitled and ridiculous.

    You and your fiance need to start calling every guest who RSVP’d for additional, uninvited guests, and tell them what you’re telling us here.  He should take his side, you should take yours.  No exceptions, because it’s the different types of treatment that get people upset.  Make it clear that while you’d love to have more people, there are very clear fire marshall rules and anyone not invited will have to be turned away as per those rules.

    Be clear, consistent and standing your ground.  That does not make you a bridezilla.  That makes you someone who is having a private party and not a free community event.

    Post # 15
    15 posts
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m sending big hugs your way. I don’t have any advice for you (although it looks like the other bees have some fabulous words of wisdom). I’m in a similar situation, although on a much smaller scale.

    Good luck girl!

    Post # 16
    5890 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    yeah, you unfortunately have to be very firm with these rude people.  also, it sounds like you already know this, but i would STRONGLY discourage you from sending out ceremony only invites- even if you have to knock your fiance unconscious when you are mailing them out =)

    The topic ‘Head Count Distress’ is closed to new replies.

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