- Khairing Bee
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Now I know the purpose of these boards!
Our guest list was stressful from the very beginning. Mr. Khairing Bee has a very large family, and we have a lot of friends as well. Unfortunately our budget and venue will only allow us a 200 head count, which as lead to a lot of nail biting, tears and flailing of arms (mostly on the part of Mr. Khairing Bee who would like the entire realm of our acquaintance to attend). After the 201st person darkens the door, the city will shut down the party. Unfortunately and although I absolutely love it, this was the ONLY available venue in our budget, taste and vicinity.
We worked out our guest list exactly – we (rudely) did not allow for plus ones to our single friends, and we also have made it very clear on our RSVP cards that this is an “Adult Reception Only”. We still had 340 people on the list, including our out of town guests that we already knew would not be able to attend and our B list that unfortunately won’t get an invitation at all until after we have enough cancellations. Discounting those people, I worked it all out with 10 extra seats at the end of the day – 190 guests truly expected! Also knowing that not “everyone” will be able to attend that we expected, I felt pretty good about finally getting those stupid invitations out in the mail.
To my utter shock and dismay, our RSVP cards are returning with not just “Plus Ones” but like so – “Relatives visiting, will also be attending (+2). +4 because I know you meant to invite my extended family too (from an original party of 1). Plus one, plus one, plus one. Can I bring a couple of friends, they won’t eat. I met a girl at the bar last night and asked her to be my date to your wedding. Although your card says “Adult Reception Only”, I’m bringing my 6 year old kid since I’d REALLY like to be able to attend both the ceremony and the reception. Come on – just ‘one’ person won’t hurt, right?? Well, I know that Jane isn’t going, so I decided to bring someone with me instead and she can just have her seat.”
I’ve been alternately crying and discouraged for about a week because I feel that our “friends” and family are being extremely thoughtless and I’m really afraid that our wedding is going to be shut down because too many people show up. I’m overwhelmed and feel terrible about putting my foot down, but really don’t know what else to do. If I allow for one, then I have to allow for everyone! Many are not asking us, but telling us what they are going to do and then they making me feel like a jerk when I tell them that we can’t do it.
The sad thing is, we would really LOVE to have everyone. Mr. Khairing Bee is distressed to tell anyone they can’t do anything and is conviced that “it will all work out”. I am not as convinced, so I’ve been the bearer of bad news and a regular stressed out, crying, weight losing (well that’s ok) Bridezilla. Since I never would think to bring an extra friend to somebody else’s wedding, I’m totally baffled by this, but people are telling me I should have expected and accounted for it.
My thoughts in response are generally this:
a.) You go to every other party and function as a “single” person and fully enjoy the pleasure and company of our large circle of friends. What you are telling me is that our wedding is not as important as Joe’s birthday party and you do not trust the pleasure of OUR company and entertainment style to be sufficient for you to have a good time.
b.) I gave you more than two months notice – if you REALLY want to be there, you can take the effort to find a babysitter.
c.) You just met this girl – what if she’s crazy?
d.) This isn’t my wedding anymore. I wanted something moderate and special, not huge and chaotic.
e.) You’re perfect stranger is taking the seat of a very large and dear circle of friends that I really want to be there.
I need some fellow brides to vent with and hopefully receive some perspective. So, please give me whatever advice, comfort, criticism that you have. How should I handle not only the responses, but the nerves and anxiety that have come with it?