(Closed) Head Table

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
469 posts
Helper bee

 

Yes, SOs should sit at the head table. If the table becomes too large, do a sweetheart’s table.

I had to sit at the SO table at a wedding, while my DH (then FI) sat at the head table. It was terrible. As an SO of the bridal party, you’re already spending most of the weekend by yourself. To have to then spend dinner with a table of other people, your only commonality being that you are the unlucky plus one of a bridesmaid or groomsmen, can be really awkward and miserable. 

We had a sweetheart table, and I loved the small bit of time we got to share, just the two of us. Besides, you spend most of the time during dinner visiting tables, listening to speeches, or getting waylaid by guets that you won’t really be at the head table with your bridal party anyways, so if you’re imagining having some lavish dinner with your best friends, that’s really not the way it works out.

Post # 17
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

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ana2017 :  I think that sounds fine!

Post # 18
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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aussiemum1248 :  we just got married on the mornington peninsula earlier this month, and we had partners up with us. I thought we were being kind (I was separated- like the furthest table from the bridal table- from my DH at a wedding a couple of years ago and thought it was weird… didn’t even think about it until then!) but I didn’t know it was a ‘thing’. It would be so hard with a big bridal party though! I had 1 Bridesmaid or Best Man, and DH had 3 Groomsmen, only 2 of the bridal party had significant others who could attend…. but the table felt HUGE.

Post # 19
Member
10274 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We did a sweetheart table and let our wedding party sit with thier dates at their own table. It seemed like the easiest way to let everyone sit with their date. Plus, I really enjoyed getting to have dinner with just my husband!

Post # 20
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

If you’re that socially inept that you can’t eat a meal without your significant other, you’ve got problems!

Usually partners do not sit at the head table. As long as you take into consideration who the partner does / does not know when seating them, it should be fine. Sit the partners with people of similar age, interests, work or whatever. Most people are able to make polite conversation for the duration of a meal. Once all the formalities are done, everyone leaves their seats to mingle anyway, so it is not like you’re asking them to spend the entire night away from each other.

I’ve sat with people i’ve never met at weddings where my partner was in the bridal table, and it was fine. I’ve also had some other not so fun times, but it was just for the meal & formlaities, so it was most certainly not the end of the world.

Post # 21
Member
3457 posts
Sugar bee

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imjessjess :  nope, not expected. Maybe it’s a regional thing. My wedding was just the bridal party. Along with every wedding I have ever been to. Plus, I’ve only been to one wedding with a sweetheart table. 

Post # 22
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rydges Hotel

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hikingbride :  I did the same thing 🙂 Sweetheart table with just two of us, and BMs and GMs were able to sit with their plus ones.

Post # 23
Member
3802 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

At weddings I’ve been to partners of the Bridal Party have NOT sat at the head table. I’ll just try to seat them with others as thoughtfully as possible. 

Post # 24
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

We do things totally different in the UK the bride and groom sit in the middle with brides parents one side and grooms parents the other side then the best man and head bridesmaid on each end. Other halves would sit on a table close by

Post # 25
Member
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It’s done both ways. One is rude, the other is not. You can take a guess as to which one is rude. 

Post # 26
Member
3234 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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ana2017 :  sounds like your Fiance needs to learn to compromise. 

Post # 27
Member
14096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

We had a very traditional wedding where the head table was bridal party only.  That being said, we only had 2 significant others to deal with in the bridal party.  One was my Brother-In-Law, who sat with my cousins (who he’s known/partied with for over a decade outside of his relationship with my sister), and one was DH’s friend’s wife, who sat with their group of college friends, who she has known independent of her husband and DH for years.  So for us, having them seated separately wasn’t a huge deal. 

 

Post # 28
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

It looks like it may depend where you live … in Australia I have never been to a wedding where partners of the bridal party sit at the head table and I don’t think its rude at all. 

Post # 29
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

UK here and never seen partners at the Top Table. Usually it’s B&G, their parents, best man and chief bridesmaid. All the venues I’ve looked at have a max of 8 people for the Top Table so there’s no room to add every other bridesmaid and their partners (we don’t tend to have groomsman, just a best man and ushers).

My Top Table will be me, Fiance, both sets of parents, FI’s brother (BM) and my chief bridesmaid. Chief bridesmaid’s husband and baby will be at another table (at her request, I have offered to let her sit at a different table with them and have my other bridesmaid on the Top Table).

At my half-brother’s wedding his Top Table was the same except his also had his wife’s daughters on it. Our Dad was on Top Table with his ex-wife, my other brother was also there (BM) and my Mum (bro’s step-mum), myself, Fiance, my other brother’s ex-wife and my niece had a different table.

You can’t fit everyone on a Top Table usually. The last two weddings I went to (last summer) didn’t have a Top Table table – they just occupied a normal table instead and were able to get an extra couple of people on as a result. I think that’s nicer than a traditional top table as you can all see and talk to each other, rather than being in a long line with no-one opposite to talk to!

Post # 30
Member
2617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think it might be regional.  I’m in the midwest, and I’ve never seen dates/SOs at the table with the bridal party….

I have also never been to a wedding that has has a sweetheart table.  It’s always the traditional head table.

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