(Closed) Head Table Drama

posted 8 years ago in Reception
Post # 107
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@Ettalie:  Wait so you had to buy a dress for pictures, but then weren’t in any pictures?  yes that dosn’t make sense.

Yeah I agree with you that care has to be taken for your guests to enjoy the event.

Post # 108
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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@Atalanta:  There were pictures but I wasn’t included in the pictures (aka taken with SO as was the plan) nor was allowed to be with them.  So as I stated, near the end I spent a grand total of 10 min with fiancee that night.  Hell I even helped them pull down the decor later that evening lol.  I guess I’m quite the doormat.  It was very much a mess and I was very upset as I had a nice cocktail dress I could have used and would have fit in with the guests.

Post # 109
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I might not be the popular person here when I say this:

What is with the neediness of women????? I totally 100% do not understand it.  Whenever I’ve been at parties/family gatherings/weddings with my fiance I am often off talking to other people and making new friends.  why is this hard?  And, I actually have an anxiety disorder and am very shy (painfully at times) but i suck it up and become an adult for the time.

My fiance was in a wedding party and i was seated very far from the head table because the couple knew I would not care since i am very independent.  I talked to the people at my table, and then they were at the bride’s (now married) baby shower and i was sat with them again.  it was nice that we already knew each other.

get out there and meet people.  I swear, they don’t bite (usually).

 

I am personally doing a table for the wedding party SO’s.  There is another reason for it on top of wanting them to know people, but I figure it would work out well.

Post # 110
Member
7362 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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@Ettalie:  In your case I defintely see why you where rightfully ticked off. That was taking an unreasonable amount of “duty” time. There has to be a balance.

Post # 111
Member
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am going to a wedding this summer where Fiance is best man. It is really uncomfortable, annoying, and im dreading this wedding. I would NEVER have a head table! It is so rude to the SO’s of the Bridal Party and the Bridal Party itself. Sitting in a line is uncomfortable, you cant speak with anyone but who is directly besides you. Why can’t you let your Wedding Party enjoy the night with their dates?

 

I think it is an outdated and inconsiderate wedding tradition. 

Post # 112
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@darkflame:  Thank you! I totally agree with you there. The last few parties that my fiance and I have attended, we’ve been off on other ends of the room talking to people. Some of these people I knew before the party, and some I didn’t. It’s always fun making new friends, right?

We’re going to be doing a head table at our wedding, and we intend to have the wedding party’s dates seated amongst other guests of the same age. Some of the people they will be sitting with they will know, and some they won’t.

Their dates are all quite welcome to come hang out with us while we get ready, take pictures, etc. and I am quite happy to have our photographer do some nice couple shots for them too.

Post # 113
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee

Pokey730 – I agree with every word you have posted.  I have to say it is a pet peeve in these conversations when people say “It is just for an hour. Can’t their date handle being seperated from them for an hour?  Geez!”

Well, it is NOT an hour.  You have monopolized these peoples time all day and now it’s dinner time and it would be extraordinarily courteous to seat these people who have given you their entire day with their partner so they might enjoy a few minutes together.

As you can tell, I”m not a head table person.  It is a tradition from generations ago and it looks like the last supper.  Why a bride and groom have to be surrounded by these people to eat dinner makes no sense to me except “it has always been done that way.”

Post # 114
Member
798 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@hermom:  +1000000000000000

Post # 115
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@darkflame:  I thought I was the only one who thought this. Man, do people have jobs or participate in activities by themselves or are they surgically attached to their SO. I’m baffled at the ‘how rudes’ I’ve been to enough weddings and events to feel comfortable in saying that if your SO is part of the bridal party and you are not able to get one single solitary moment with them; not to dance, not to take a picture, not to share even a moment…that’s not on the bride and groom that’s your mate blowing you off. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but at some point (many points really) the bride and groom are involved in their own thing  ie greeting guests, cake cutting etc. If you can’t connect with your date your date is probably socializing with other #ijs

 

Post # 116
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@vicozzie:  Yea this just sounds more hurtful than helpful IMO. Imagine you were in his shoes, or even hers. 

Post # 117
Member
637 posts
Busy bee

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@Izzy81:  well I think ‘significant’ is a really relative term. My sisters’ bfs may not be groomsmen but they are certainly significant to me. We’re sort of doing a head table with 10 spots on each side with +1s seated next to us. It’s just a longish table in the middle of the room so I hope we won’t stand out as all the guests will be at the same long tables.

Post # 118
Member
2386 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

There seem to be a lot of people who hate head tables, and a lot of people who say “whatever the bride and groom want,” but what about the people who LIKE head tables?  

I’m still waiting for someone to make an argument as to why head tables are awesome and you should have one.  So far all I see is “that’s how it’s always done” which is not a good reason, and also not true.  

So, if you had a head table or are going to, tell me why!

Post # 119
Member
1731 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@oneofthesethings: 

These were (in no particular order) my reasons for having a head table:

“It’s how I’d always envisioned my reception” — for you, this is not that convincing an argument, but I think it’s just as legit as asking your bridesmaids to buy a dress of your choice.

Great photo ops during the speeches. We have me and all the other bridesmaids cracking up and reacting to each other during my MOH’s speech; conversely, there’s a beautiful one where my husband’s “best woman” choked up during her speech, and you can see how moved he is, and the faces of all his groomspeople beside them. I’m sure people who do a sweetheart table have nice speech photos too, but this arrangement worked particularly well for us.

More generally, the photos we have before dinner look nice and symmetrical with everyone together. This may not be convincing to you or to other non-head table people, but again, I think it’s just as legit as asking them to spend the first part of the day with you getting ready.

In my case, my bridesmaids were my four best friends from college, and we hadn’t been in the same place in four years. I wanted to extend that portion of the day that we had together, and I don’t think they minded a bit. (Half of them didn’t even bring a date, although they were given +1s.)

We placed all the SOs at a table together, closest to the head table, so that they had at least something in common. They’d all had a chance to meet and mingle at the rehearsal dinner the night before too (at which we did not have a head table), so this was not totally unexplored territory. From what I observed that night and during subsequent bouts of Facebook friending, they seemed to enjoy getting to know each other. Having people from different parts of my life get to know each other was one of the things I most hoped would happen at the wedding, and it did!

Finally…I thought about having a sweetheart table, because my husband can sometimes be an introvert and I knew it would be a long day. I asked him his preference, and he REALLY wanted the head table. Since he had relatively few preferences about the aesthetics of the wedding…I wasn’t going to mess with that!

TL;DR: There’s nothing wrong with having a sweetheart table, or bringing your party’s dates to the head table. But barring severe social anxiety, a wedding party SO who must be “watched,” or bad blood between people, I don’t think there’s anything wrong, rude, or terribly taxing about having your wedding party and just your wedding party with you guys for one more hour or so, if that is your preference.

 

 

 

Post # 120
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@princesslettuce14:  Sorry I was refering to the OP as she doesn’t know this girl very well at all. Didn’t mean that all bridal party dates weren’t significant in general.

Post # 121
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@oneofthesethings:  The issue isn’t people saying why they like them, casue I told you why, you just don’t agree, so therefore it is not a reason.  It is impossible to tell you why becasue you would have to agree with it, but you don’t.  So in your mind it will never be a good reason.  That’s ok, but don’t pretend that no one told you why they want one or like them.

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