Post # 1
My mom is great with helping plan the wedding but has etiquette ideas which my fiance and i are wondering about…I should mention we are from a smaller town outside Toronto so perhaps that’s part of it…
Mom had written out a preliminary seating plan (really prelim and crazy IMO, the wedding isn’t until December!) for the head table she listed (from left to right) Groomsmen, GM, Groomsmen, Maid/Matron of Honor, Groom, Bride, Best Man, Bridesmaid or Best Man, BM, Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Has anyone ever seen a wedding where the maid of honour sits beside the groom and the best man is beside the bride? I’ve seen it with the girls on bride’s side and all the guys on the groom’s or even guy, girl, guy, girl, etc but my mom was very adamant that is the proper “etiquette” on the head table. Fiance and I let her know we think we will go with a different seating, guys on his side, girls on mine. I think she was a little put off that we didn’t agree.
The other thing – Fiance and I have been living together for 3+ years so when I brought up that I think RSVPs to our wedding should come to our house, not the bride’s parents – she got really weird about it, telling us it was tradition and it doesn’t matter that we lived together that’s the way it is supposed to be. I mean in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter but I just find it so weird that my mom’s going all old school on certain things. Granted my parents are paying for a large portion of the wedding, I’ll respect her ideas on the rsvp if that’s important to her. But I just found it bizarre how adamant she was that certain things be ‘traditional’.
What do you bees think?
Post # 3
You will get as many opinions as there are websites if you research on the net.
I suggest you do what you (or your Mom) want.
Post # 4
I dont think there are any hard and fast rules. At our head table my Maid/Matron of Honor sat near me and the best man sat near my husband. It made sense for us because I could easily talk to her that way
Post # 5
I have read somewhere that the seating your mom is suggesting is the traditional way of going about the head table–however, I don’t think I’ve ever attended a wedding that actually implemented it. I’ve seen the head table done so many different ways, from just the best man and Maid/Matron of Honor at the head table, to the entire wedding party, to just the parents of the bride and groom. And then there’s the infamous sweetheart table (which is what my Fiance and I are planning on doing) which only seats the bride and groom. Talk to your mom about it and see if you two can’t come to a compromise, mixing some traditional wedding aspects in with some non-traditional ones. I’m sure she has your best interest at heart and just wants the wedding to be perfect for you!
Post # 6
Maid/Matron of Honor, Groom, Bride, Bridesmaid or Best Man is the traditional arrangement. but it IS 2012.
we’re doing a sweetheart table for us and then four long tables for our party and their SO (if FH was a groomsman and I wasn’t in the party, I’d HATE to have to sit at a different table).
as for the RSVPs if they are paying for most of the wedding, then technically they’re hosting it. so it makes sense that people would confirm with them, the hosts. but again, its 2012 lol.
Post # 7
Your mom would of been appalled by me and my Darling Husband – we didn’t have a head table and the RSVPs went to our house. Some etiquette has changed since she got married, and these are two good examples. The RSVPs used to go to the bride’s parents because that was where the bride lived! Even if she is the one paying and therefore hosting according to the invites, you’re the one who is in charge of actually planning this thing and doign the seating chart, so I would insist ont hem being sent to your house.
Post # 8
Thanks bees! I agree it is 2012 and some things are done differently now, lol. I am planning to have a chat with Fiance and my mom and figure out what works best for everyone. I did a bit more research and though I hate to admit it, the ‘traditional’ seating is mentioned often as the way my mom suggested. But again, I’ve never seen it done at any wedding I’ve attended that’s why I thought it seemed strange.
Post # 9
Also – I think the sweetheart table is a nice idea too. Hmm so many options! 🙂
Post # 10
At any formal banquet that has a head table the host and hostess sit at the centre of the head table with the lady to the gentleman’s right. The male guest of honour sits to the lady’s right, and the female guest of honour to the gentleman’s left. At a wedding, the host and hostess normally give up their places to the bride and groom and instead take the ends of the head table, and the maid of honour and the best man take the places of the female and male guests of honour respectively. So, as far as that goes, your mother is quite right.
Then in order of precedence, the next-most honoured gentleman sits to the right of the female guest of honour, and the next-most honoured lady sits to the left of the male guest of honour; and so on down the table; then the third-most honoured lady to the right of the second-most honoured gentleman, and the third-most honoured gentleman to the left of the second-most honoured lady, and so on down the table to the ends, alternating male-and-female and making sure that married couples, or persons otherwise closely related, are NOT placed side-by-side. So, apart from the newlyweds and the honour attendants, your mother’s table arrangements depart from correct protocol.
I always find sorting out seating plans to be great fun, much like a sudoku or crossword puzzle. When in the course of laying out the order of precedence you can arrange that good talkers are set next to good listeners, and utter bores are set next to the hard-of-hearing, it’s like completing the New York Times crossword without recourse to the solution on page 101.
Post # 11
Meh, I would do it the way you want. I wanted my Maid/Matron of Honor next to me so we could chit-chat and Darling Husband wanted to chat with his Best Man. We also had the rsvp’s come to our house. We liked getting them every day. Do what you prefer!
Post # 12
You can go any way you want… It’s your day, make sure you’re sitting in a way that’s comfortable for you!
I’m having the bridal party and their SO all sit at our head table, we’re all going to be sitting at a table just like the rest of our guests. Our centerpieces will be different, but that’s about it!
(And I’ve always seen girls on the bride’s side, boys on the groom’s so I get the feeling not many people follow that tradition!)