(Closed) head tables are rude?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What are you doing for your head table?
    No head table at all : (271 votes)
    47 %
    Head table with just bridal party : (195 votes)
    34 %
    Head table with bridal party and their dates also at the head table : (110 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    282 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I don’t think that it is rude, but I won’t be having one because I would like the time alone with my new husband, if I can have it. My FI’s dad had a head table when he got married, but it was only family in their bridal party. FI was the best man and I got to sit with him at the table. And the brides two daughters were the maid/matrons of honor. She let the matron of honor’s husband sit at the head table with them.

    I wouldn’t say it’s rude to not include the dates though. Especially if they are just dates and you don’t know them that well.

    Post # 4
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    We are having a sweetheart table.  A head table with the bridal party reminds me too much of a Quinceanera where all the teenagers in the court are sitting in matching outfits around the birthday girl.  But that’s because I’m latina.

    I don’t think it would be rude but maybe uncomfortable for the dates. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    11760 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think the head table idea is a bit dated and I’m not a fan of the look of it in general.  I don’t think it’s rude persay, but maybe inconsiderate?  It’s no fun going to a wedding with someone in the bridal party as is, but especially if there is a head table.  We will have a sweetheart table flanked by two tables with our bridal party members and their dates. We were going to just sit with our bridal party, but there won’t be room at the table and we also didn’t want to choose to sit at 1 table with the wedding party vs. the other table with the rest of the party. Plus, round tables make it easier to talk to each other (vs. the traditional head table.) 

    Post # 6
    Member
    540 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    It’s only during toast and dinner time (about an hour, even less)…it’s not like you are seated there for the entire wedding, The rest of the time people are walking around mingling, drinking and dancing. I don’t think it’s rude, just what many are use to seeing at weddings. I don’t judge anyone who chooses either or.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1471 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Woops meant to vote for the first one!  No head table

    We did a sweetheart table, then put all the bridal party and their dates at 2 different tables! It was perfect, I wanted to eat dinner with my new husband!  I feel like head tables are outdated!

    Post # 8
    Member
    10289 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I hate head tables. Hate hate hate. Separating your BP members from their SO’s is inconsiderate. I’ve been the date of the BP member and it blows having to sit apart, especially if you don’t know anyone at the wedding. I don’t care if it’s “only an hour” or whatever. If I’m attending a wedding, I want to sit with my husband and odds are, the BP wants to sit with their dates too. Beyond that, I just don’t like the look and functionality of head tables. It’s impossible to have a conversation with anyone who’s not sitting right next to you. 

    In case it’s not obvious, no, we didn’t have a head table. We sat at a normal banquet table with our parents and DH’s brother and his wife while our BP and their dates sat together at the next table over. It was perfect. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2381 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Personally, I prefer sweetheart tables to head tables. It gives the couples a chance to be together and their party the chance to sit with their significant others.

    I’m fine with whatever a couple chooses but if it were up to me I’d do sweetheart. I’ve been the date of someone in the wedding party when I didn’t know anyone else at the wedding. It was awkward but what are you going to do.

    Post # 10
    Member
    758 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I, personally, don’t like head tables.  I don’t like the look and I don’t like having to sit apart from my SO if one of us are in the bridal party and one is not.  We’re opting for a sweetheart table for us, also.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2361 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    every wedding i’ve been to has had a head table, and whatever to each their own, but i am not having one.   We are going to be sitting at a table mixed in with all the others with our parents,  and his grandma

    Post # 13
    Member
    1418 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    As somebody who gets social anxiety around strangers if I ever had to be placed separate from my SO at a wedding (never have, nobody I know has done a head table where they make bridal party sit without their SOs…) I would have gone into the bathroom and cried and maybe had a legitimate panic attack. Seriously.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2815 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I personally like the head table idea if the reception is relaxed enough that the wedding party isn’t expected to stay at the table all night.

    I had a head table, but I think we all sat together at that table for maybe 30 minutes, max.

    I worked at a hotel and saw SO many head tables where the wedding party stayed there almost the entire night. Through dinner, an hour of speeches and every time they were done dancing, the wedding party was back at the table, etc.

    Post # 16
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I personally don’t like head tables just because I’d feel like I was on display while I was eating. I was seated apart from my FI at a wedding recently because he was in the bridal party and was at the head table. I didn’t know anyone other there other than his mother at that point but it wasn’t a big deal. I would have preferred to eat dinner with him of course but they were careful to seat me with the one person I did know which was nice. I did feel bad for one girl who didn’t know anyone else and was stuck at a table alone because her husband was in the bridal party. I don’t think it is rude necessarily to seat the bridal party away from their SO’s but if possible it is nice to make sure that the SO has at least one other person at their table that they know.

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