(Closed) head tables are rude?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What are you doing for your head table?

    No head table at all

    Head table with just bridal party

    Head table with bridal party and their dates also at the head table

  • Post # 183
    Member
    1166 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Head tables come across as cheesy and dated to me.

    Not a fan of them and I think it sucks splitting your Bridal Party from their dates.

    Post # 184
    Member
    608 posts
    Busy bee

    I think the classic head table with no extras works best with a younger unmarried bridal party.  When you have married couples the logistics get a little odd at times, but it works if you sit spouses at the neighboring table.  I think that the size of your wedding can effect how you need to put a bridal part on display.  If it’s a small wedding in the 60 people for less, I think having just a simple table set aside for the bridal party and their spouses (etc) makes sense.  At a bigger wedding a head table allows guests to be able to see and know what’s happening at the event.  There are definitely options  sitting with your parents and grandparents.  The sweetheart table is nice,but the reality of a wedding gown is that assistance is needed at times, and sometimes your girl friends are better at arranging a gown…  I was the maid of honor in a wedding that the food at the head table was served family style, which would have been nice, but somebody literally spilled the baked beans right beside the bride…(not my side, I think it was the best man)… but it helps too remember that even at the reception your attendants have jobs to do!

    Post # 185
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @breadandbutterflies:  I think bridal party should sit with bride and groom. Just like you said it is ONLY for a short period of time….. that day is about bride and groom… SO of bridal party can and should suck it up. In my wedding FBIL’s girlfriend will sit separately6 since she is not in the bridal party. She will sith with ppl she shows, soI do not see a big deal. I want that people support bride and gromm and not be selfish, but support.

    Post # 186
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Plus the practical way: the bridal party participates with bride and groom in photos… so all of them eat befre all guests eat. It makes sense that the wedding party sits together as they eat together . Then guests come to room and eat after wedding party, so it is OK to separate BMs and GMs.

    Post # 187
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m having a sweetheart table, originally because the set up of our reception hall has our table on the dance floor, and I didn’t want to take up all of the dance floor just for a head table.  While I would have loved a head table, the logistics would’ve been a nightmare, since a few bridesmaids are younger siblings and would feel out of place with my college friends.  Plus, we have one couple in the wedding party and not many of them know each other…I’m going to attempt to have 2 tables on either side of the sweetheart table for the bridal party.  I would feel bad separating dates, especially since they’ll already be apart for the ceremony/pictures/cocktail hour/etc.  Honestly, once the reception starts, I no longer care!

    Post # 188
    Member
    758 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    it’s BEYOND rude. My fiance and i are attending a wedding that is out of state and i am in the bridal party, he is not. we know NOBODY and the bride decided it’s more fun for her if she has a head table. i’m going to be seperated from my fiance for dinner and the majority of the majority of the night. We’re doing a sweetheart table for our wedding so that none of our guests will feel uncomfortable or seperated from their dates. 

    Post # 189
    Member
    1132 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I have decided to have a sweetheart table and was told that it is incredibly rude and selfish to only want to sit with my groom at my wedding because I am asking the bridal party to spend money and be there for me on my big day and we cant even sit and have dinner with them. This came from my Maid/Matron of Honor and I was in complete shock. I did it so my bridal party was not stuck sitting far from their significant others and so I can have some moments alone with my husband. I dont understand how this is selfish but it didnt stop me from doing it anyways…I cant wait to see what my sweetheart table looks like.

    Post # 190
    Member
    3797 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I don’t find them rude, but we’re having a sweetheart table. We don’t have a wedding party anymore, but we would still have a sweetheart table if we did. I think it’s nice to have the focus just on the bride and groom as it is a celebration of them and not their wedding party. 

    Post # 191
    Hostess
    5622 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I do think they are rude if the the bridal party aren’t seated with their guests.

    We are doing a head table which will consist of both of our parents, bms, gms and their dates, as well as my brother & fi’s sister.

    Post # 192
    Member
    1638 posts
    Bumble bee

    It’s not rude! I will admit that I’ve hated not being able to sit with my SO at the weddings that either he or I was part of the bridal party, but like you said. It was only an hour or two tops and then we were dancing together.

    Post # 193
    Member
    16 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    “Its only an hour or two at tops”. I like to beg a differ…..My SO was in a Wedding a few years ago and they did a head table for the Bridal party only. It was a rather large Wedding with close to 400 guests. It was buffet style so it took longer than usual with that many guests (probably close to 1 1/2 hr before everyone was done eating.

    They then took another 1 1/2 to do the speeches! My SO family has a thing for speeches, and they made the mistake of opening the floor up to anyone who wanted to make a speech to the couple.

    Aftewards it was so crowded that people really couldn’t get up and mingle too much so the Bridal Party just stayed put at their table. I didn’t get to talk to my SO intill the end of the night. It was horrible. It was right there and then I decided I was never going to do a Head table.

    Post # 194
    Member
    2031 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    We are doing a head table- it is one of the few things my fiance really wanted.  We are sitting all the bridesmaids next to me and the groomsmen next to my fiance as most of the bridesmaids don’t know the groomsmen.  I feel a little bad about splitting up dates, but probably only half or less will bring them and besides the best man who is married (I don’t really know either the best man or his wife too well) the rest are just random dates.  I really don’t want random people in the pictures with my bridal party.  I fully expect that after dinner everyone will be out of their seats mingling (I purposely arranged the room to incorporate a bunch of high tables around the bar and sweet table for people to mingle afterwards- I hate weddings where everyone is stuck at their seats talking to the same 3 people for the entirety), and if they can’t survive 45 minutes without their date than they really have to learn some social skills.  We will be seating the dates near the head table.  The best man’s wife is super outgoing and already knows my fiance’s family, so she will probably sit with them, and any other dates we will have sit together near the head table so they can spend the 45 minutes without their dates conversing with others in the same situation.  

    If I had it 100% my way, I might have gone for the sweetheart table.  However, I don’t think it is a big deal, and actually all my maids are excited to sit up by me and I’m excited to have them there!  Especially if the wedding has a really causal atmosphere like mine.  If it is much more formal where you expect guests to sit for 2+ hours and their dates don’t know anyone at the wedding, I’d probably do a sweetheart table and a separate table for the bridal party+ dates 

    Post # 195
    Member
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m not having a head table because I really don’t like being the centre of attention, and I’ll have enough of that all day! I also want our bridal party to surround us, instead of just being able to talk to my SO and Maid/Matron of Honor. That being said, I don’t think head tables are rude and I’d expect to be sitting at one (without my FI) if I was in a bridal party. Infact, even though we aren’t having a head table I’m pretty sure our bridal party won’t be sitting with their SO’s. 

    Post # 196
    Member
    858 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    We aren’t doing one, but we’re also having a nontraditional wedding and the reception/brunch will be at a restaurant anyway.

     

     

    Fiance and I went to a wedding a little over a year ago that he was a groomsman in.  It was out of town.  We knew a few of the other people who went (one or two of them fairly well) so I wasn’t too worried about the fact he’d be separated from me for most of the day and seated at a head table.  I went over to the ceremony/reception site with two of our friends, sat with them at the ceremony, and spent cocktail hour with them.

    Then we got into the reception, and I wasn’t seated with them!  I was seated with three couples, one of which I had met once 2 years before it.  Just…wow. 

    Also, Fiance wasn’t informed he’d be sitting apart from me until the week of the wedding, and we had picked our meals based on the fact we always share our meals at weddings so we can try two things instead of one.  I got stuck with the chicken, and I DEFINITELY would have ordered the steak had I known this!

     

     

    Moral: Warn the bridal party WELL ahead of time and make sure to seat their SOs with people they know if possible.

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