(Closed) head tables are rude?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What are you doing for your head table?

    No head table at all

    Head table with just bridal party

    Head table with bridal party and their dates also at the head table

  • Post # 17
    641 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    To some it’s tradition. Most wedding’s I’ve been to had them. They can sit without their parnter for about 45 minutes, no big deal. And I agree, like previous poster said, yes, be considerate to have people they know sit on their table so they won’t feel left out. This is a good way to meet new friends.

    Post # 18
    2623 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I don’t think it’s rude or a big deal. Honestly I don’t get how adults can’t spend one hour at a dinner table away from their spouse. I introduce myself to my dinnermates and for the most part have had interesting or cool conversations and I am not a huge big people person.

    At my wedding we are having a sweetheart table because I prefer having a table alone with Fi. The wedding I was in may, I sat at a head table and it wasn’t the end of the world.

    The only thing I would say is perhaps seat their partners of the bridal table together or with people who travel alone to the wedding so they feel less awkwared about speaking to each other.

    Post # 19
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I’m not a fan and wanted a sweetheart table, but my fi didn’t want the attention that would bring. Personally I don’t see a difference, but whatever. Anyways, I was worried about seating too, but it will only be 90 minutes for dinner anyways. On top of that, with only 51 people attending, six at the head table is already a lot. If I added dates, it would be ten, or a fifth of the party! I think they’ll live.

    Post # 20
    797 posts
    Busy bee

    We’re having a sweetheart table because a head table is too complicated between the dates of the bridal party, the divorced familie, etc. it’s just way simpler to avoid all the drama…

    Post # 21
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    We’re going a sweet heart table but including Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man and their dates, the rest of the bridal party will prob sit at a table with their dates or we may split them up to be with friends/family

    Post # 22
    147 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I’m (probably) having a head table and including dates at the table as well. I think it’s awful to split up couples. The wife of one of our groomsmen doesn’t really speak English that well and I’d feel so bad putting her at a table with people she doesn’t know and can’t talk to. 

    Post # 23
    121 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012 - Padua Hills Theater

    I don’t think it’s rude to have a head table, but we chose not to have one. I wanted our bridal party to sit with their SO. My Maid/Matron of Honor has three kids and I thought she should sit with her husband and kids. I really liked having a table with just the two of us. It was nice to have a moment semi alone together. Plus all our bridal party was so thankful to us for letting them sit with their SO and family.

    Post # 24
    10 posts
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We’re doing a full head table. I’m pretty sure the partners of those in the party can handle sitting by themselves for an hour or two. I’ve never even heard of the partner sitting with the party. It’s nice to sit with those who you picked to be closest to you during the wedding process.

    Post # 25
    1174 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We’re doing a head table. Two of the people in the wedding party are in a relationship.. with each other! So they’ll both be at the head table anyway. The other people in our wedding party aren’t bringing dates, so it’s not an issue for us. If I was going to a wedding and I was seated away from Fiance, I wouldn’t be super happy about it, but I don’t think it’s rude either.

    Post # 26
    7960 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    we had a head table but besides us there was only a man of honour, my son and best woman, dh’s sister.  neither of them had dates anyways.  besides, i wanted to sit with my son.

    Post # 27
    1935 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    We had a head table with bridal party and their spouses. Everyone except 1 bridesmaid was married. We had ours in the middle of the room and sat all around the table so it wasn’t “last supper style”

    Post # 29
    1954 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We had a head table and the bridal party sat with their spouses/SO at the head table. We also had a small bridal party, which made it possible to have everyone at the same table.

    I don’t consider a head table to be rude. Some choose to do one others don’t. Neither my hubby nor I wanted a sweetheart table because we wanted to talk with the people who came to our wedding.

    Post # 30
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Personally, I don’t like head tables at all.  As a guest, I don’t care for the way they look and as the date of someone in the wedding party (or vice versa), I find it incredibly uncomfortable for the other half to have dinner with a table full of strangers.  I think it also depends a bit on the age range too.  I think of head tables as more of a younger thing.  For older wedding parties, I think they are especially strange.

    We did a sweetheart table and I loved it.  It was set up beautifully and was intimate, yet on either side of us were tables with both sides of the wedding party and their spouses.  So, everyone was still very close together, but without the awkward look of a head table.

    Post # 31
    2405 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I don’t like head tables. At our wedding we had a table for DH, me, and our Best Man and Maid of Honor. (They were both single at the time, so we weren’t separating them from their SOs.) Our other bridesmaids and groomsmen sat with their SOs and friends/family.

    We’ve been to several weddings where DH was in the bridal party and I was not, where he sat at the head table and I sat with other SOs, the bridal couple’s friends, etc. Invariably the other people I ended up being seated with were people I didn’t know instead of our friends, since our friends were couples. As someone whose joint finances helped pay for DH’s rented tux, other expenses of being in the bridal party, extra bonus good gift because DH was in the bridal party, etc, it was a little bit irritating that I then spent hours sitting with people I didn’t know, making awkward conversation. (And it IS hours, because after the ceremony the bridal party would go off to take photos for an hour plus before the seated meal began.) I feel that the bridal couple should take this into consideration when making seating arrangements. No one wants to feel like their seating assignment was the result of the couple scraping the bottom of the barrel.

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