(Closed) head tables are rude?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What are you doing for your head table?

    No head table at all

    Head table with just bridal party

    Head table with bridal party and their dates also at the head table

  • Post # 47
    Member
    5229 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    Etiquette-wise, they are not rude. It’s one of the many traditional options you have. However, in certain cases, it may not be the most accommodating choice you can make if there are SOs involved who won’t know anyone else.

    We had one large table that I suppose qualifies as s asort of head table. We were in the center with no one in the space directly across from us but with people sitting all aorund the rest of the table, 26 people in total (3 kings/royal tables end to end), and that fit everyone our age that came to the wedding. The other 5 tables were taken up by family and family friends.

    Post # 48
    Member
    486 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I really dislike head tables. I do think its quite strange to seperate couples (especially since FI’s best man and girlfriend are flying from the west coast to the east coast to be in our wedding, another groomsman just got married like a week ago…and on and on). I wouldnt be happy to be seperated from my Fiance at a wedding and I wouldn’t do it to anyone else. I also just think its weird to have a long table against a wall in the room. For our wedding in particular, it truly doesn’t lend itself to the ambiance.

    We’re sitting at a round table with immediate family (my parents, sibilings, as well as Future Mother-In-Law, FI’s grandparents, FI’s uncle and cousin – all of whom came from the other side of the world to attend). Our florist will bring in the chuppah from the ceremony and it will be set up over our family table so we’ll be dining under this beautiful canopy for the evening. I’m so excited about it. For our wedding, this type of setup will be much more in keeping with the feel of the room and the evening. Plus it will be so meaningful as the chuppah symbolizes the new home you create together when you get married and the open sides are symbolic of us welcoming our family and friends into our new home. So for us to all sit underneath it together will be amazing.

    Post # 49
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Speaking only for myself here, I don’t really see a big issue with having a head table…I didnt even realize people had such strong feelings until I found this thread! I’m not an overly outgoing person, either, and I’ve had to do the whole eating alone thing before. 

    We will be doing a head table (king’s table) but I plan on putting dates together and closer to the table. We also are lucky that the SOs are all fairly close or know people, so that definitely helps. I definitely think not doing a head table, or doing your own variation of it is a pretty cool idea though.

    Post # 50
    Member
    515 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding with a head table or a sweetheart table. The bride/groom have always sat at a normal table. I’ve only ever seen them on tv and I think they’re a little weird, but whatever floats your boat!

    Post # 51
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    We had no head table.  Just two round tables that were reserved for any family or wedding party who wanted to sit there.  Most did except for two bridesmaids and a groomsman – they wanted to sit with their other friends, which I think was perfectly fine.  I liked having the wedding party dispersed.

    Post # 52
    Member
    262 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I originally loved the idea of a sweetheart table but due to the layout of the venue I think it would have looked awkward. We made the decision to have our parents sit at the head table with us (in a position of honour) and have each of our attendants sit at a table as table hosts (the married attendants obviously with their partners). People loved this! They loved that our parents got the recognition and they enjoyed having an attendant at their table who had good knowledge of the reception area, the plan for the evening, etc.

    Maybe not for everyone but it worked for us.

    Post # 53
    Member
    2203 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I don’t like them. At every wedding I’ve been to with a head table the bride and groom stayed there all night and never mingled. It felt intimidating walking up there so no guests ever do.

    Post # 54
    Member
    697 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    By The Way, for the brides who say “no one ever complained about the head table seating at my wedding” – I really doubt your best friends and family would tell you to your face that they did not approve.  When I’m in the bridal party, I am respectful of the brides’ decisions and just roll with it.

    Post # 55
    Member
    752 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    We did just the wedding party at the head table, I had no idea people though it was rude! oops…

    Post # 56
    Member
    1890 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I don’t think it’s rude at all, I just prefer a sweetheart table.

    I thought sitting my bridal party around the room would make the rest of the guests feel more included and not make older people get all sensitive about how close or how far they got to sit to the head table. I also thought it would be nice to sit my girls with their dates, since some of their dates won’t know anyone else at the wedding.

    But that’s just what’s working for ME. I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing a head table if you want one.

    Post # 57
    Member
    2200 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I am doing a sweet heart table. I am letting my Bridal Party sit with their plus 1s

    Post # 58
    Member
    649 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    we are doing a head table with just wedding party….we are having a smallish wedding (max 80 people) and with 4 people on each side that’s a lot of people…..

    Bridal party SO’s are going to be sat together…..near the front….they are all invited to everything else and have gotten to know each other (FI’s GM’s all have known each other for 20 years and their SO’s all know everyone too)…..i don’t think it’s a big deal….

    Post # 59
    Member
    794 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think it is very rude and inconsiderate

    Post # 60
    Member
    1203 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    View original reply
    @anabell465:  Seriously, the idea that people have such strong feelings about this is totally new to me as well! I’ve only been to two weddings WITHOUT a head table. One was a couple who already had children together and wanted their kids with them, and the other was so small that we were all at the same table in a local upscale restaurant.

    @BookishBelle:  Without being a jerk here, because I understand that this is a hot-button issue for you — is it just the meal part that’s a problem for you? Like, if you were the significant other of a person in a wedding party, is the idea of being seated with relative strangers during the ceremony also equally anxiety-inducing?

    The topic ‘head tables are rude?’ is closed to new replies.

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