- 5 years ago
If any of you have read my past posts about this (or if you look on my posting history) you know I have had problems with my boyfriend and hos mother. Very long story short, my bf is an only child and his parents baby him beyond belief, dont trust his judgements or decisions, and have no filter or boundaries. They voice and push their opinions on him about everything and anything.and have done this his whole life, and he has always put up with it. We have been together for 2 years and 9 months. When we first started dating his parents seemingly liked me very much and I did all I could do to earn their respect–did nice things for them, helped them out with things like preparing for holidays and such, and most of all, treated their son very well. However, over time, his mother hasbecome increasingly paranoid, jealous, and honestly-legitimately a little crazy. Talking about me constantly behind my back saying disrespectful things, telling her son what to do and how he should act in our relationship, and culminating in the past six months with her full on accusing me of going out of my way to attack and belittle and disrespect her on sly ways (she claims over Christmas when I asked her if she had seen the youtube video “what does the fox say” I was going out of my way to make her feel stupid, and that when the whole family was talking about special keepsakes they would save in the event of a fire and I asked her if she had a box with my bf’s special baby things, that was a “direct attack”). What I have always said is if she didnt want to like me for some random reason, I could deal, but accusing me of being a bad person and secretly plotting to attack her crossed a line for me.
My bf has always had problems, to say the least, stickingup to his parents about anything. They are so overpowering, talking over him every time he tries to express his opinion about anything, making it obvious they dont agree with his choices, pushing their opinions on him–they have a VERY firm “mommy and daddy know best about everything” view and feel that since he is their son, theyhave a right to have a hand and opinion in everythinflg he does. They’ve also ‘done a lot’ for him over the years including paying for his college education in full, buying him his first car, etc and use that as manipulation every chance they get (anytime he tries to disagree with them they hop on the “HOW COULD YOU DO THOS AFTER EVERYTHING WE’VE DONE FOR YOU” train reaallll quick). Because of these factors, my boyfriend has turned into, as much as I adore him, a complete mouse when it comes to standing up for himself or anyone else-including me.
I come from a background of a LOT of abuse, my parents and sister both abused me for all my life, and I also was forced to drop out of high school due to bullying (which my parents never did anything about). As a result, I’ve grown into an adult with a lot of self respect, self worth, and basically, a no bullshit policy for those I choose to surround myself with. I see it as Ive been through enough and finally deserve my chance at happiness, and taking control of my own life.
Its so, so important that my boyfriend stands up for me, and this has never been a secret-every time his parents disrespected me I made it very clear what I expect, and every time he let me down I made it clear I was disappointed. I think regardless of my past, I need to be with someone who I can count on to be a soldier for my happiness and who will protect me, the same I do for him. Especially sincewe have started seriously talking about marriage…I feel any married couple needs to be a team.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend went over their house for dinner and he told me they started in on me again, and also trying to guilt him saying he doesnt come over and visit them often enough. He said he stood his ground best he could and they eventually gave it a rest. At this point, however, I am very seriously at my breaking point, and told him we would break up if this shit didnt stop, because Im not dealing with this for the rest of my life. I “drew the line in the sand”, if you will, and told him he needed to stand upfor me, tell them to apologize to me and make some boundaries with them, or that was it.
We’ve been arguing about it almost every day since, with him insisting he cant stand up to his parents anymore because its ruining their relationship, andwith me in tears because I feel so hurt he’s not prioritizing me being treated wit respect and letting me be bullied around by his parents, especially given my past.
Last night, we actually almost broke up, and we decided that we need to seek out a couples counselor to help us get through this.
Bees, I really need some support here, and some advice. I would love to hear stories about your experiences with couples counseling.
Also, I feel like I dont have anyone to talk to about this in person, and I just need to talk about this.
Im heartbroken that its gotten to this point.