- Mrs. Harmony
- 7 years ago
Update on my horrible Father-In-Law situation. I realize they won’t change and my boyfriend’s cancer hasn’t really helped bring us together.
I have been in a new place, psycologically from this whole thing. SO and I talked last night. He has been helping me so much with accepting this. God bless him for being able to have an hour long conversation with me in between his medication doses .
While I was waiting for him to come out of surgery, his parents were in the room with me. It occured to me that their opinion was the furthest thing from my mind. I want my boyfriend to SURVIVE this illness. We are facing possible infertility. To worry about his family will contaminate the amazing bond we have.
The night before, SO basically said he sees where I am coming from, and he is sad about it. But he assured me he loves me and my son regardless. I cried on the phone, about why can’t they just like me, I am so sweet, awesome, etc. He agrees that I am amazing, and that what we have is as good as it could ever get. We both feel incredibly lucky to have found each other.
He’s going to counseling with me when he is done with his cancer treatments. If he needs chemotherapy, he will stay with me during his rounds, so I can care for him. I have to continuously visit him at his parents’ house, and it’s awful for me. However, things are only awful if you perceive them as awful.
I have always dated men who don’t come from divorce. I have always been loved and accepted in every relationship by the family. My parents divorced when I was 8. In short, I came from a broken home and I naturally want to bond with “intact” households. Me getting shot down from BF’s family is re-opening wounds from my broken home 25+ years ago. I’m the oldest of 4 kids, and I have been struggling to care for them in childhood and even in adulthood.
So this isn’t about my FIL’s, this is about me. It bothers me because of my past, my baggage. They have been given tons of power to hurt me. What’s amazing is that being around then so much lately has made me see that they are only people, and not that special. So what if 2 people, out of 7 billion, don’t like me? BF’s opinion won’t change about me.
Perhaps this will help some of the other bees. I am all for getting conseling to let this kind of stuff go. You can’t control what other people do. It’s been a tough lesson for me to learn.