Post # 1
My Fiance & I got engaged on April fools last year, after being together 4 years. We both are in our early twenties.
End of August my Fiance had issues walking. I’m talking about the previous weekend we were out biking & hiking, to the following weekend he couldn’t walk down a slight hill without using me as a human crutch. We went to Emerg after he collapsed multiple times (not blacking out, just legs giving out) Within 5 days we found out my Fiance had a spinal cord tumor & went into surgery. During the surgery they were unable to remove the tumor. So the doctors had a plan for him to do radiation to slow down the growth of the tumor. By mid September my Fiance had been permanently paralyzed from the waist down from the tumor.
We cancelled our original destination wedding (we sent out invites back in June) & decided it was unfair for my Fiance to travel to a destination that was probably not wheelchair friendly as where we live. By December we re-planned our wedding to be held intown for June 2012.
Late February my Fiance had his follow-up MRI. We received results that the aggressive tumor is still hanging around. At this time we are hearing things from doctors regarding Wills, Life “Timelines” & Pallative care. To be honest, we have talked in great length about the worst case senario happening. My Fiance acts the same as he has always (only changes : he is sad more often & he is in a wheelchair)
We have decided to go ahead with the wedding we have planned for June. I am very worried that the whole wedding is going to be a LOT of tears (not just at the ceremony talking about “til death do us part”) While my Fiance & I just want to enjoy the night not thinking too far into the future since we still have to take things day by day.
We are trying to think positive & keep are heads up about this, because we (or the doctors) can’t confirm anything since what he has is very rare.
Should we just cross our fingers & hope that people understand that we don’t want the night to be sad & just want everyone to have a good time?? We don’t want the main focus to be on this tragedy that we are living. We want it to be about our commitment & love for each other.
Post # 3
I am literally in tears over this. I wish you could feel how so, so sad I am for you guys and how I wish you weren’t going through this. I can’t imagine and its honestly something you shouldn’t have to deal with. I have no words, but I am so, so sorry to hear this.
I think your guests will fully understand the need/desire for a happy, special night, and think that people will follow your lead.
I am really assuming that you have looked into all viable healthcare options, but I live in Boston, Massachusetts which has healthcare bar-none. I’ve heard/seen miraculous things being done. I can’t gather where you live based on your profile, but if I were you, I’d look into every possible neurosurgeon. You may have done this already.
My thoughts will be with you. Enjoy yourselves and your time together. I think that taking it day-by-day is the right thing to do and I hope that you do live a long and happy life together.
Post # 4
I feel for you 🙁 I think you should go on with your wedding as planned. On the day of, all that will be on everyone’s mind is the beauty of your marriage. Relish the good moments and continue to make more happy memories. In the end, everyone’s time on earth is short lived, whether you’re sick or not, so don’t let FIs illness stop you both from being happy. Stay strong <3
Post # 5
@Miss Orchard: We are in Vancouver – which is ranked well in the medical world… my Fiance since day one has never wanted to leave the family to get treatment elsewhere.
Thanks to you both for the well wishes.
Post # 6
ugh – my heart is just breaking for you and your fiance. I’m just crying as I’m typing this. Just wanted to let you know that Im wishing you all the best. Just love each other each and everyday – we never know what life will bring.
Sending loving and positive thoughts your way.
Post # 7
I think you should plan the most happiest wedding, and share that happiness of how excited you are for the day, your wedding day with everyone you come in contact with – and if you are open about you and your FI’s hardships, and focus on what is good, repeating what is good, then your guests will follow the lead. You could be able to reflect that in your invitations – using words such as “Celebrate”, and “joyful”, “our beautiful day”…
and when someone starts to go whack on the negative, make sure you have a good support system in place to handle it on the wedding day…most MOH’s & BM’s can be a bulldog on behalf of “their” bride 😀 too
Congrats on your upcoming wedding, It is to be celebrated 🙂 life is to be celebrated!
ps rare diseases suck – I am also in the minority and recently refused radiation after they couldnt get all of my mass out that was on a major vein – however my last scan showed no reoccurrance yet on any level that could be recognized, and my calcium levels were normal, finally! YAY so you never know what can happen. Also, IMO its not “why” anymore but the question “how” – things change and being adaptable to the change is what will keep me healthy mentally on a daily basis…Best wishes to you and your Fiance on all of your decisions, daily activities and most of all, your love 🙂
Post # 8
Oh man, this breaks my heart.
I think you should go through with your wedding planning. Don’t let this curveball prevent you from knowing what it is like to be married to your best friend. You will regret it if you don’t.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I don’t even know what to say.
Post # 9
I don’t mean to sound cold but I will spare you all my thoughts on how awful I feel for you both…many hearts may break for you but none as much as your own. You both know what you’re up against and your love for each other is obviously amazing. Get married, enjoy your day. If people need to cry, let them. They may be mixed tears of joy and sadness but what can you expect from people who care about you? No one in this world knows what the future has in store. People get killed on their way to their weddings, or right after them. Bad things happen all the time. Live and love the best you can and feel blessed that you found love for however long you get to have it. People who attend your wedding are only human and it’s normal for them to have some sadness for your situation. But remember that they are coming to your wedding to celebrate what every wedding celebrates – the start of a couple’s journey together. Good luck to you both – I hope you live every day to its fullest with each other.
Post # 10
I agree that you should go on with your day. Cancer is a very horrible illness. But its one blessing is that it really forces people to live each moment as though it could be the last, appreciating life for what it is more so than ever before. I think your sad situation will make your wedding day that much better, if this makes any sense. ::hugs::
Post # 11
@lorie: Lorie, thanks. It is very true that both our families should be allowed to be upset about the situation. My Fiance feels bad that his body has put people through this ordeal. I always tell him that is wasn’t his choice for something to happen like this & to try to be positive. I appreciate your honesty about how the others may feel & that I will try not worry about it.
@montanamum: All the best to you with your health as well.
Thanks to the other ladies for the kind thoughts as well. They are truly appreciated.
Post # 12
I am so sorry to hear this. Blessings and prayers to you both. I hope it is the most beautiful day of your lives!
Post # 13
I’m so sorry that you two are going through this. My thoughts are with you.
As for the wedding, I’d say do whatever the heck you want, tradition and etiquitte be damned! 🙂 I think a fun theme wedding could lighten the mood (carnival or similar) if thats your style.
Post # 14
@LAWNwrangler: My heart breaks for you. I commend you for remaining positive and going ahead with things. I agree with PP that if you try to set a casual tone for the wedding, it might make things a bit easier.
I also noticed that you mentioned that your Fiance has never wanted to leave the family to receive treatment elsewhere, which is obviously a personal decision. Just wanted to share that we recently had to seek treatment in the US (Philadelphia) for our baby girl (We live in Alberta, and she had a super rare condition that couldn’t be fixed in Canada). They tried here, for several months, but were unsuccessful, and once they realized they couldn’t help her here, we found somewhere that could. Our trip was fully funded (her private medical flight, flights for both parents, her hospital costs/treatment) by Alberta Health because they couldn’t help her here. Sorry if this came across as trying to convince you to go elsewhere – obviously Vancouver is an experienced medical center. I just know how hard it can be, especially when you’re dealing with a very rare condition, and all you want is answers. Don’t give up, miracles happen! Much love to you! 🙂
Post # 15
My heart goes out to you and your Fiance. Do everything you can to make your day as special for the both of you as you can. I’m sure your families will understand. It may be a nice, welcome disrtaction for all involved to put uthose issues aside for just one day. Keep making sure he gets the best care possible. You wvill be in my thoughts and prayers (and I’m sure those of many others as well). Best of luck to you both.
Post # 16
@LAWNwrangler: My prayers are with you and your Fiance. I commend you for your strength and positivity in such a hard situation. You sound like a wonderful person who will truly take her vows seriously.
I know it might sound a bit untraditional, but why not reword the traditional vows to exclude the “till death do us part”? That way you don’t have to think about ever being parted from him during your ceremony. Offbeatbride.com always has some really creative vow wording… Or why not use the “all the days of my life” line?