(Closed) Heard today that my neice is being bulllied at school

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do on the outside. You need to teach her to stand up for herself. Most bullies will stop caring if they’re not getting the result they want. If she fights back (verbally not literally), she’ll deny them their result and they’ll move on to someone else.

Post # 4
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Hyperventilate:  She really does need to learn to stand up for herself. Something I never did during the 4th grade, and I STILL regret not standing up for myself.

Poor thing. I wish I could help her. 🙁

Post # 6
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

She needs to learn to deal with this herself. The problem is that you have no idea how best she could do that. I had a conversation with Fiance the other day in which he said that he just told a teacher if anyone said or did anything wrong when he was at school. If I’d have done that, I would have been jumped and had my backside absolutely busted for being a snitch.

On the other hand, I once hit a kid back after they’d spent the longest time digging me in the ribs and things. Of course, the other kid snitched and I got busted. So hitting back doesn’t always work either.

And ignoring them doesn’t always work either… sometimes it just makes people assume you’re a bit developmentally retarded and then they pick on you even more. However, odd as it is to say, the kid is usually in the best position to judge what to do.

In the mean time, you need to make sure she feels positive about herself, and maybe have a quiet word with her Mum about healthy eating. Phrase it in terms of health, not in terms of weight loss… you don’t want the kid developing a complex.

Post # 7
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

This is so sad, I love my little niece with all my heart (she’s 2) and I can’t imagine hearing that someone was mean to her.  I used to get sad when my sister would tell me how none of the other babies played with her at day care, (she has since made friends.) 

i can also relate to your niece , i had a weight problem as a child , probably started around 10 or 11 and I was constantly belittled by classmates and even family.  It really affects me even to this day so I would do anything I can to help support a child’s development in regards to eating habits, self esteem and leading a healthy lifestyle (preventing issues with obesity and eating disorders.). I take it you are close with your niece since you are so upset with the situation at her school. perhaps you can get your sisters permission to do ‘auntie and me days’ and use your time to encourage exercise (in fun ways) subtly educate her on why it’s important to eat a healthy diet, (kids don’t know) and do things together that make her want to be like you (cooking together, doing nutrition lessons at grocery store?  I’m just throwing things out there that may help.  I wish someone would havd educated me like this when I was younger, perhaps I would be a different person today?  regardless, she’s lucky to have such a caring and loving auntie.

Post # 8
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Gosh, as an educator this breaks my heart.

This poor girl clearly wants a change in her life, but she needs parental guidance and love (love as in, I care about your health and want you to live a very long, healthy life). If her parents cant provide that, it will not get easier for her and ‘forgetting’ to eat is a terrible path for a 7 year old to head down.

The bullying is absolutely not accpetable, and all educators should be on alert. Guidance should be talking to her as well. Depression is not limited to adults. 

Post # 9
Member
2952 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

@ForeverBirds:  my 13 year old son was being bullied at school. When it turned physical I went to the school they were fantastic and it was the best choice for him to stand up to them. I told him by them getting into trouble that he in fact was the winner.

I’m glad to hear that your sister is heading to the school because this is unexceptable and they can’t get away with this. Hearing of children being bullied really upsets me its just so wrong!

Post # 10
Member
9082 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@ForeverBirds:  I hear you. But sometimes people reach an “Enough is enough” state. My father has a very prominant nose and I got it. I didn’t grow into it until I was an adult, and I was bullied relentlessly when I was in elementary school because my nose didn’t fit my face. I remember this so clearly… I was standing outside my classroom because recess was almost over, and Luis, the kid that used to bully me the most started giving me my usual bully beatdown. I was painfully shy — Making friends was hard for me, raising my hand to ask a question was a living nightmare. I couldn’t talk to my teachers without wanting to run away and hide. But this day, I have just had it. I remember looking him dead in the eye and yelling, “Luis, blow it out your ass!”

Extreme, yes. But, I was tired of it. I was fine with how I looked and he was just being a jackass. He never bothered me after that.

Post # 11
Member
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Rachel631:  From my experience as a parent, there don’t seem to be to many repercussions at complaining about bullying when the child is 7. At that age the “don’t snitch” code hasn’t really developed.

While it’s true kids need to know how to handle bullying, I believe at that age the onus is more on the school to stamp it out.

Post # 13
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you need to focus on the health food.  This will be good for two reasons.  She will be eating healthy and learn to like good food that will help her to eat better for the rest of her life. These habits stick with you, and she’s at a great place to learn that.

 

The second reason will be that she will probably lose some weight, and feel better about herself (because though it’s wrong and sad, she clearly is feeling ‘fat’ and ‘disgusting’ because of the things that the kids have said).  It will boost her self esteem and the kids will have nothing to pick on anymore.

 

If you think she’d be open with you, you can always talk to her about what is happening and how she feels.  You don’t even have to say anything, she might just want someone to listen to her feelings.  If she brings up her size or her looks and is hard on herself, you’ll have a chance to set her straight.  Tell her about all the beautiful smart funny people in the world who aren’t skinny, and aren’t perfect.  

 

When my daughter gets down on herself about having ADD Inattentive type – I remind her that many people think Einstein and Newton may have had Aspergers, and they sure weren’t stupid like she says she is sometimes!  One day she got upset about a mole on her collar bone.  I showed her pics of Anna Nicole Smith, Marilyn Monroe and Cindy Crawford – showed her that moles can be beautiful, they’re not ugly, they’re just a part of you.

 

Post # 14
Member
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Continue to positively reinforce her- she needs to believe that she is beautiful and accepted by those who matter most, her family. I think focusing on being healthy is a good thing- helping with better eating habits, play, etc- but be careful with that. Girls at that age are developing eating disorders, and I’d be worried about her, if she’s already showing signs like “forgetting” her food. Also, I don’t know what strategy will work for her, but on the very few occasions that I was bullied as a kid, I totally ignored it. Usually raised an eyebrow and smirked (I was always good at smirking) and they just left me alone. 

Post # 15
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think this is horrible, but anyone who’s been bullied knows that the bully won’t just stop. They will never stop, unless you shut them up, or find a way to deal with it.

When I was in school, I got bulled. ALOT. The sad thing was, it was over the stupidest thing ever, mainly because girls are jealous and petty.

When I was in the 3rd grade, I hit a HUGE growth spert. I was over 5 feet tall, and had a size 34Dirty Delete chest – I was the first girl in 3rd, 4th or 5th grade to develop boobs. Because of this, I got bulled SO hard by all the other girls. Rumors were constantly spreading around that I “stuffed”.

This continued on through middle school. I talked it over with my parents, they just told me it was because girls are mean, but it never really made me feel better.. because once I started feeling better, I’d go back to school and hear all the crap all over again.

Eventually, the elementary school nurse took interest in me, and she would write me notes to get me out of gym glass where I was normally harassed the worst [locker rooms]. I spent alot of time with her, and she told me stories about when she was bullied. She helped my self confidence ALOT.

Once we hit highschool, it stopped [mainly because the popular girls finally got their boobs, so they weren’t so angry at me anymore]. But there was this one boy who kept it up. He seriously would NOT let it go. He must have tortued me for 5 years or so.

I had at it from him at that point, because he was the only one holding onto it. In the middle of swim class, I got on the diving board, pulled down my swim top and yelled “THEY ARENT FUCKING FAKE”. He left quietly, and I never heard anything about it again.

Probably wasn’t the right thing to do, but it shut them up.

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