(Closed) Heart (and self-esteem) crushing

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

do you 2 live together?  to be honest i think you both need to communicate better  – he shouldnt have to be a mind reader to know what you are hoping to happen (anniversary of your first kiss-did he honestly remember that??) and finance wise does he have to be  100% responsible for the ring?  can this be something you can work on together as a team/family unit?

poor guy – if he isnt feeling pressured enough he takes a battering to his (financial) ego and if it was my guy i know he would be tearing himself up inside

sorry it wasnt a better day for you both *hugs*

Post # 5
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

He isn’t taking a beating to his “financial” ego. I

He got upset and said “I’m trying.. I’m really trying..” I asked him what he was trying for and he said to save for what you want…

obviously i dont know your guy but thats how i read it – the poor man, i feel for him, even if you say small and inexpensive its still alot pressure/expecation

try not to focus too much on it because when it happens it would be wonderful if was his choice/timeline, meaning you dont want him to throw a ring at you and say “there, you ruined the suprise now”

 

Post # 6
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

How long have the two of you been together, if you don’t mind my asking?  Also, I notice you have a wedding date next to your username.  Is that a date the two of you have talked about or were you just plugging something in?

Post # 7
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

When you sign up for an account you are required to put in a wedding date so I think a lot of people just put in a random date either because they are not engaged or for privacy issues.

Post # 8
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I had almost the exact same thing happen to me a couple weeks ago.  I’m sorry it happened, and I hope things look up for you soon.  I’m sending e-hugs your way!

Post # 9
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh, I know how you feel. There was a time where I thought he might have the ring, and then was asking about my ring size. ugh…

If I were you, I would try to focus on the relationship, but not the engagement. Go on dates to dinner, bowling, comedy, the movies- whatever. Try to be happy. Also talk to your guy calmly and see how he feels about the whole marriage and engagement process. Is he nervous about spending the money? Making a commitment? Disappointing you? Reassure him that you love him and just want to be with him. And after you get a timeline and get some answers, then give him some time. And really try not to get upset. If you do find yourself upset, let him know. I feel like I need to do a post on this, but I don’t see any reason why the woman should have to sit quietly by while the man takes him merry time. Just be honest with him and not too pushy or too emotional.

This is obviously just my 2 cents, but good luck!

Post # 10
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

If it’s any consolation, my fiance had been making miniscule payments on my ring, to the point that I thought it’d be a year before he’d propose.  Nope.  Less than a week after I found out the ring’s price and his monthly payment size, I’ve got my ring.  He could have it selected, and is trying to make it in one payment (the interest rates are horrible.)

Post # 11
Member
797 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

First off **HUGS**

I know how it feels when all your hopes come crashing down.  I agree with PinkBubbleGum’s advice.  Enjoy your relationship with him, but figure out where he stands.

*more hugs**

Post # 12
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@angiexox: When you sign up for an account you are required to put in a wedding date so I think a lot of people just put in a random date either because they are not engaged or for privacy issues.

 No you’re not.  I didn’t have a date next to my name until I became engaged, which is why I was asking.   😉

Post # 13
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@lezlers:

I had a date even though i selected not yet engaged. I had to go in and figure out how to edit it.

Post # 14
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@EverAfterBegins:  oh, I know you CAN have a date, I was just saying you don’t HAVE to, as opposed to what a PP said.  Still waiting to hear from the OP..

Post # 15
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

@katydiddle: 

I feel like I could have written your exact post.  I went to the jewelry store and the ring I wanted was gone and all of my friends were convinced it was because my boyfriend had bought it, and then he mentioned something about not having bought the ring yet.  It totally crushed my spirits.  Also, I know exactly what you mean about how waiting for so long can hurt your self-esteem.  That is something I am trying to work on right now.  I have already brought it up to my bf though so he knows how I feel.  Now I am just trying to keep myself from mentioning anything wedding/marriage related….  Good luck!  Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone!

Post # 16
Member
711 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am now engaged but was in this position for a LONG time. In hindsight, I can now say that I wish I had not acted like I did. I badgered and cried and whined and threw fits – it’s true, but not something I am proud of. I think it is REALLY HARD for us gals – we want to get married to the person we love, but are literally stuck waiting some times (and yes, I did try proposing to him, but he said he wanted to propose to me properly).

My advice is to STOP talking about rings and getting married to him and to your friends and family. Take up a new hobby, and whenever you find yourself down about the ring and engagement, go do that new hobby, or go exercise. Focus on yourself and focus on spending fun time with your guy, but do NOT focus on the ring. Things will work out in the end. Good luck!

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