Post # 1
Hey ya’ll this may be long as I feel the need to vent.
On Wednesday (Thanksgiving Eve) my boyfriend and I celebrated (celebrated is a liberal term here as absolutely nothing special was actually done) the anniversary of our first kiss… Its something that I remember well and was excited at the possibility of going back to that spot and remembering the night. Also, my hopes were pretty high for this day as he had hinted in the past about a possible proposal around this time…
….BUUUUTT no, instead, he acted grumpy nearly all day, didn’t seem to want to spend time with me and then volunteered to work from 4 p.m. to nearly 1 a.m.
I was so disappointed I didn’t know what to do with myself. My boyfriend literally found me sitting in the dark at home watching the rain because I was so sad..
He asked me what was wrong and I know it isn’t his fault so I told him that. I told him its not his fault he had to work and I told him its not his fault I was sad but that I just let my hopes get awat from me..
..Then the bomb dropped… He got upset and said “I’m trying.. I’m really trying..” I asked him what he was trying for and he said to save for what you want… at this point I’m like WHATTT?! He hasn’t even bought a ring?! After he hinted it could happen around this time! So my heart felt a little crushed and stomach twisted in knots as I realized an engagement is coming anytime soon..
It all really saddens me. I don’t think he know what waiting is doing to me.. Its destroying my self-esteem and making me fear that he is rethinking things. I know he told me we will get married, but I am getting VERY tired of the stagnant feeling in out relationship (not to mention the fact that I still have to say boyfriend when I talk about him).
I don’t know what to do. I know he feels bad enough about me getting my hopes up, but how can I make myself feel better?
Post # 3
do you 2 live together? to be honest i think you both need to communicate better – he shouldnt have to be a mind reader to know what you are hoping to happen (anniversary of your first kiss-did he honestly remember that??) and finance wise does he have to be 100% responsible for the ring? can this be something you can work on together as a team/family unit?
poor guy – if he isnt feeling pressured enough he takes a battering to his (financial) ego and if it was my guy i know he would be tearing himself up inside
sorry it wasnt a better day for you both *hugs*
Post # 4
Yes we live together. And he didn’t have to read my mind to know what I was hoping would happen. He knows.
And he did honestly remember it.
He isn’t taking a beating to his “financial” ego. I have told him I do not want an expensive, extravagant ring and that I’d be perfectly happy with something small and inexpensive as long as it was from him…
But like I said.. I don’t think he understands…
Post # 5
He isn’t taking a beating to his “financial” ego. I
He got upset and said “I’m trying.. I’m really trying..” I asked him what he was trying for and he said to save for what you want…
obviously i dont know your guy but thats how i read it – the poor man, i feel for him, even if you say small and inexpensive its still alot pressure/expecation
try not to focus too much on it because when it happens it would be wonderful if was his choice/timeline, meaning you dont want him to throw a ring at you and say “there, you ruined the suprise now”
Post # 6
How long have the two of you been together, if you don’t mind my asking? Also, I notice you have a wedding date next to your username. Is that a date the two of you have talked about or were you just plugging something in?
Post # 7
When you sign up for an account you are required to put in a wedding date so I think a lot of people just put in a random date either because they are not engaged or for privacy issues.
Post # 8
I had almost the exact same thing happen to me a couple weeks ago. I’m sorry it happened, and I hope things look up for you soon. I’m sending e-hugs your way!
Post # 9
Oh, I know how you feel. There was a time where I thought he might have the ring, and then was asking about my ring size. ugh…
If I were you, I would try to focus on the relationship, but not the engagement. Go on dates to dinner, bowling, comedy, the movies- whatever. Try to be happy. Also talk to your guy calmly and see how he feels about the whole marriage and engagement process. Is he nervous about spending the money? Making a commitment? Disappointing you? Reassure him that you love him and just want to be with him. And after you get a timeline and get some answers, then give him some time. And really try not to get upset. If you do find yourself upset, let him know. I feel like I need to do a post on this, but I don’t see any reason why the woman should have to sit quietly by while the man takes him merry time. Just be honest with him and not too pushy or too emotional.
This is obviously just my 2 cents, but good luck!
Post # 10
If it’s any consolation, my fiance had been making miniscule payments on my ring, to the point that I thought it’d be a year before he’d propose. Nope. Less than a week after I found out the ring’s price and his monthly payment size, I’ve got my ring. He could have it selected, and is trying to make it in one payment (the interest rates are horrible.)
Post # 11
First off **HUGS**
I know how it feels when all your hopes come crashing down. I agree with PinkBubbleGum’s advice. Enjoy your relationship with him, but figure out where he stands.
Post # 12
@angiexox: When you sign up for an account you are required to put in a wedding date so I think a lot of people just put in a random date either because they are not engaged or for privacy issues.
No you’re not. I didn’t have a date next to my name until I became engaged, which is why I was asking. 😉
Post # 13
I had a date even though i selected not yet engaged. I had to go in and figure out how to edit it.
Post # 14
@EverAfterBegins: oh, I know you CAN have a date, I was just saying you don’t HAVE to, as opposed to what a PP said. Still waiting to hear from the OP..
Post # 15
I feel like I could have written your exact post. I went to the jewelry store and the ring I wanted was gone and all of my friends were convinced it was because my boyfriend had bought it, and then he mentioned something about not having bought the ring yet. It totally crushed my spirits. Also, I know exactly what you mean about how waiting for so long can hurt your self-esteem. That is something I am trying to work on right now. I have already brought it up to my bf though so he knows how I feel. Now I am just trying to keep myself from mentioning anything wedding/marriage related…. Good luck! Just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone!
Post # 16
I am now engaged but was in this position for a LONG time. In hindsight, I can now say that I wish I had not acted like I did. I badgered and cried and whined and threw fits – it’s true, but not something I am proud of. I think it is REALLY HARD for us gals – we want to get married to the person we love, but are literally stuck waiting some times (and yes, I did try proposing to him, but he said he wanted to propose to me properly).
My advice is to STOP talking about rings and getting married to him and to your friends and family. Take up a new hobby, and whenever you find yourself down about the ring and engagement, go do that new hobby, or go exercise. Focus on yourself and focus on spending fun time with your guy, but do NOT focus on the ring. Things will work out in the end. Good luck!