(Closed) Heartbroken

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry you’re both going through this! That’s horrible, and I understand your fears, I think it’s natural to have the fear that things will not go back to normal and to worry about your future together. Sending hugs to you! Lean on your family if you need to, and hopefully your husband will want to tell your friends soon so that you have those supports too.

Post # 3
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013


candy08:  I am sorry to hear your situation.  I would suggest looking into support groups (perhaps the hospital/facility where your husband is receiving treatment can be of assistance) as it would be helpful to have access to people that have been in your shoes.

As someone who works in the medical field, I would also suggest asking tons of questions… every question that you have demand an answer.  Only your husbands doctors will be able to give you a true understanding of what is going on.  I would also avoid doing research online as so much incorrect medical information is on the internet……



Post # 4
11657 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

candy08:  HUGS!

My dad had/has a very treatable but generally incurable cancer as well.  It was discovered when he was 18/19.  He had surgery, chemo & radiation.  He then had 5 kids.  His cancer ‘came back’ once when I was in high school (between kids 4 & 5), it was caught quickly and he had a round of radiation and he’s been clear for the last 14 years.

I know it’s very scary right now, but I share my story so you know that it’s not the end, there’s still the possibilty for the life you dreamed of.  Stay positive and supportive.  Brighter days are ahead <3

Post # 5
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

candy08:  Wow. You guys are really brave. I am sending prayers yor way that he goes into complete remission! Your post really puts things into perspective, and I hope it will for others as well. I’ve been bummed and stressed about all the work my house needs. Who cares!? My husband, my daughter and I are all healthy and can enjoy each other. Everything else is cake! I can’t have my vow renewal when and where I want….so what!? I’m already married to the love of my life, I need to enjoy today.

OP, I’m hoping your husband makes a full recovery and you can enjoy your lives together. I wouldn’t let this stop you from having children together once he is in remission. Live your lives like he never got the diagnosis. No parent is promised tomorrow, and you never know…..while he is in remission, they might find a CURE for him. 

I think you should tell your friends about this. You need all the support you can get. Finding a support group for cancer patients and the loved ones of cancer patients wouldn’t be a bad idea either.

(((((((HUGS)))))))))))) Keep fighting the good fight!

Post # 6
442 posts
Helper bee

candy08:  I am so sorry, this must be very hard for you but you need to stay strong for your husband! I am actually a radiation therapy student so I have worked with many people in your situation and I understand what you are going through. Honestly the best thing you can do for both yourself and especially for your husband is as your doctor said, focus on living day to day and making the most of your lives together. As hard as it sounds to actually do, really try not spend too much time worrying about the situation and try to focus your energy on making the most of the precious time you have with your husband (which could still likely be a good, long life together – there are great treatment options to both lengthen and improve quality of life!). Also as PP suggested, definitely look into finding a support group for your husband and yourself, people who have experienced / are experiencing the same situation as you will be able to provide you very valuable with advice and support.

Post # 7
9181 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I’m so sorry, how terrifying.  Big big internet hugs!  I bet there are some great online support groups for family members of cancer patients, if you’re not ready to discuss this with friends yet.  HUGS!

Post # 8
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I am so sorry to hear this. It’s so hard to cope as a care giver, especially when you can’t lean on your support system of friends. People often overlook how exhausting and frightening it is to be th one watching the person you love, your best friend, suffer and pull away out of pain.

i hope you can find a local support group for caregivers or find time to give yourself a break from holding it together. There no easy way out of anxiety, since everything is unknown. 

my thoughts are with you and your family. 

Post # 13
2848 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t have any advice.  I just wanted to say I read your post and that I am really sorry you are going through this.  What a difficult test for a new marriage.  I know in your shoes I would need counselling, preferably with my husband, to help me work through grief and deal with my new life circumstances.  Many prayers for you guys.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  NavyBee.
Post # 14
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

I am so sorry you and your husband are going through this.  I think it’s important to let friends know what’s going on.  You need their support right now.  This shouldn’t be a secret.  If he doesn’t want to see them, talk to them, deal with their “be positive” comments, then he can ignore them and shut them out.  But I think they should know what’s going on.  He’s probably really scared and exhausted and doesn’t want people to see him like that.  But you need to look out for you too.  Is there anyone you can trust not to blab to everyone else?  You should have someone to talk to besides family.  I would confide in my best friend.

I haven’t been through cancer, but my husband is a recovering alcoholic.  When he first admitted he had a problem that was out of control, it was only 8 weeks before our wedding.  I think we were both in denial about it until then.  Suddenly, my whole life came crashing down around me. The future and children seemed out of the question.  My hopes and dreams vaporized.  I was crushed.  The last thing I wanted to do was tell my BMs that we might not be getting married, but I did anyway.  I didn’t always answer their calls, but just knowing that they knew and cared and were there for me really helped me to get through it.  And my story does have a happy ending.  My husband checked himself into rehab and has now been sober for over a year.  We got married and now we’re expecting a baby.

Life can sometimes seem so unfair and awful and unbearable.  But it can also turn around again. I won’t say be positive but I will say have faith.  Have faith that everything happens for a reason and that God can heal him and return your bright future to you.  He works miracles every day.  I will keep your family in my prayers.

Post # 15
2484 posts
Buzzing bee

candy08:  in our house, we pray. He is in my prayers for all who have cancer. The neat thing about prayer is that it’s not like medicine. You don’t have to “take it” but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be given. 

Please keep posting here until you are able to share your news with your friends.

I’m sure we will all be sending positive thoughts and feelings your way.

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