Post # 16
I’m no expert in guy-speak, but if he said that he’s unsure of your relationship, then you have to believe him.
I think you unintentionally put a LOT of pressure on him when you said you would go to the courthouse “right now”. He obviously is not on the same page as you.
I was talking to DH about relationships once, and he said if a guy doesn’t know if he wants to marry you after a year of dating, then you’re not “the one”. That doesn’t mean you’ll get married after a year, but according to him, most guys know right away whether they want to eventually marry you.
It sounds to me like he wants out. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I don’t think he could have been any clearer than he was.
Post # 17
I’m sorry the conversation did not work out how you hoped. I can honestly say that if any guy had ever said those words to me, at that stage of the relationship, it would no longer be about what he wanted. I’d be done myself, and moving on.
Post # 18
If he said he’s not sure about the relationship, that really tells you everything right there, doesn’t it? I know you don’t want it to be over because you have invested years into the relationship but if he isn’t sure, then do you really want to spend MORE years on a guy who doesn’t know if he really wants to be with you? As hard as it is, you need to leave.
Post # 19
laurenelizaberry: Cory_loves_this_girl: FutureMrsSomeone: MsW-to-MrsM: Taimane: AlexisB: babycuddlebee: Sunfire: MrsGatito: MrsBuesleBee: LilRhodyGem: FEDORAble: beachbride1216:
SnowInApril: weddingmaven: justpeachy123:
Hi, so… SO and I had a long talk this evening, after me giving him the cold shoulder last night and most of today. The good news is I got no flack about wanting to talk, and we each listened to the other in a mature way, even though we were both crying for most of the conversation. At one point I got myself quite worked up and basically said “I feel like we’re just deciding whether to break up now, or when the lease is up” and that was when he started crying. I guess it started to feel like it could really be over for him.
Regardless of what he said last night (and I know there is a lot of truth in it) he has made it clear to me that he doesn’t want to “play the field” and he loves me, and doesn’t want to lose me. I know from your advice that this might not be the decision you would have made, but I have I guess decided to live in limbo for a little bit. This is definitely because I am not ready to say goodbye to the relationship.
He said he spoke with his cousin last night about it, and he knows he has a lot to work on and figure out, and he has promised to do so and figure it out. We both decided that right now, a firm deadline is not in our best interest because it just creates more pressure. But I have told him that I don’t know how long it will take me to get to my breaking point, and I won’t apologize when I get there, if it happens before he knows “for sure”.
I also made it clear that a proposal will not fix this situation because in my opinion, it would just be a bandaid, and he will have to prove to me, and I will have to prove to myself, that our relationship is on solid ground, and we are both secure before that happens. I know that might seem like letting him off the hook, but I don’t know what to do otherwise.
I know that if this is not my forever relationship, and he is not the one, with more time, I will come to that conclusion. Today is not that day. Thanks for the ideas/constructive criticism/support, Bee’s. It means a lot to me, even if I didn’t necessarily take your advice.
Post # 20
🙁 that really sucks. You sound like you’ve made the mature and right decision for you at the moment, and that’s all you can really do. I hope everything works out for you. Hugs.