- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
This could get long; grab a coffee and a comfy chair if you want to read it!
When I told my mom I was getting married she was really excited! She went on and on about how happy she was for me (and my fiance) and how she wanted the best for us. My mom has had serious money troubles lately (she was foreclosed on a few months ago), and I told her that I was in no way expecting nor would I accept her to contribute one penny to this wedding. She bought several wedding things for my sister a few years ago (dress, alterations, cake, accessories) and I told her I didn’t want any of that. She started by offering the dress (I said no) and then the cake (I said no). She seemed really defeated so I told her that if being there for me wasn’t enough and she felt like she HAD to give me money, to write a check and put it in an envelope and give it at the wedding. She agreed and then got all excited again about buying a new dress for herself and how great the wedding would be. I thought we had worked it out.
Fast forward to dress shopping. I called her and asked if she wanted to join my sister and I at my very first appointment and she said she would have to see. Have to see? I gave her over a whole months notice about that appointment and I reminded her several times before and she kept saying, “I’ll have to check my schedule.” The day before the appointment she called my sister and said she wasn’t going. My mom and I live in the same town, my sister lives 2 hours away (they are much closer than my mom and me). It stung…hard.
My mom used to text me all the time little things like “I love you” and just mom stuff. I would always respond immediately, and she would to mine. Now she goes days ignoring my texts or emails. She’s been at her new job for a few months now, so I understand her schedule being different and all, but she has to check her phone sometime! If I call and ask to come over to visit, she’s always on her way out the door to work or to pick up my brother or something. I don’t know if she’s avoiding me or what. My sister always talks about speaking with her or texting her, so I know she hasn’t lost her phone or anything.
I know that scheduling in retail can differ drastically from week-to-week, but she can’t commit to anything and it stinks! If I give her plenty of notice about something she refuses to even ask if she can take the day off or switch schedules with someone. I am a very independent person and have never really “needed” my mom, so I hate that I want her to be a part of this so much. I know if she was all over me and helicoptering I would hate it just as much. I can’t win with myself here!
I want her to come dress shopping with me when I go to “the big city” in a few weeks but I know she won’t ask off of work, so I’ll be going by myself. It sucks. I’ve been talking to my sister a lot about planning and she seems to be relaying everything to my mom (I don’t know who is initiating it), but my mom just seems so disinterested when it comes from me.
I know I need to sit down with her and hash this out, but my mom is bi-polar and I remember all the drama of my sister’s wedding and really don’t want that for mine. If I don’t include her, she’ll throw a fit. If I do try to include her, she’ll always be unavailable.
Sorry about this, I think I just needed to vent a little! 🙂