- 6 years ago
I’ve been through a rotten surprise break up with my SO of 1 1/2 years. I really appreciate how supportive y’all are of each ither on here, and I could sure use your help right now to decipher this situation.
So, my SO and I were together 1 1/2 years. I’m 25, he just turned 25 a few days after the break up (I’m 8 months older). We had a fantastic relationship–shared interests/values/activities etc. I looked after him while he was in military training, and he helped me recover from the death of a sibling, losing a job, etc.
I met his family and friends and loved them all. He met my family and they thought he was great too. His parents included me in their family ski trip. I really thought he was the one, and he did too! People often told us how perfect we were together, and we talked about future holidays, buying furniture together, etc. He did not bring up marriage, and occasionally had mentioned he wouldn’t marry for a long time, or that 24 was too early to get married. I didn’t want to pressure him, so didn’t bring up commitment. At the same time, eight of his colleagues got engaged/married within a short span of time, so the topic was floating around.
In January, ex-SO moved 2 hours away from me. He started to spend a lot of time with his new army colleaues, partying, drinking, and went off on a 10 day all boys ski trip. I was going through a bit of a personal rough patch–stressed, sick, and was a bit grumpy/tired, even when my SO was with me. One weekend, I didn’t come to see him because I needed to finish my phd application (I’ve since gotten into the program). He got really angry with me, and hung up on me.
The following weekend, I did go to visit him, but he did seem a bit distant, but not unkind or impolite. I spent the evening socialising with him, his colleagues and their companions, but went to bed at 12 instead of staying out partying with the boys.
Five days later, ex-SO came home, sat on my bed and said “I want to break up.” He said he had always thought I was the one, but then one day he started to have doubts, and if he had any doubts at all, he had to break it off straight away. Our relationship was getting too serious, and it would only be worse if we kept going. He said we had the most amazing relationship, and that I was talented, wonderful, amazing girl and he wouldn’t have succeeded in his training w/o me, but he had ‘looked into the future and couldn’t see how we would work.”
Naturally, I was devastated. We met up to talk, and I told him that doubts were normal in relationships, especially when other life changes are going on. I told him he had broken my heart, and we haven’t spoken since.
So ladies, was it my fault? Did I wreck our relationship by not going to see him one weekend? Or was he just not ready to take our relationship to the next level? And how on earth do I stop thinking about this/blaming myself?
Thanks for all your help!! xoxo