(Closed) Heartbreak (long, sorry)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like he isn’t ready for marriage and he thinks you are. So he tried to save you some pain by ending it now vs in a couple years. I don’t know how that can be your fault or something you can control.

Post # 4
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

((Hugs))! So sorry to hear. Doubts are normal, and (not that we have all the details) I think he broke it off prematurely. But if he isn’t willing to communicate with you and work on the “doubts” then maybe it was for the best. I don’t think it was your fault, it just sounds like you two drifted apart a bit and it was too apart for him.

Post # 5
Member
46597 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No one wrecks a relationship by not visiting one weekend. It’s noithing you have done.

Just believe him when he says he is not ready for marriage.

Post # 6
Member
4929 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You definitely didn’t wreck your relationship by not going to see him for one weekend! If he says you did, he’s selfish. Your PHD applications were important, and he should’ve recognized that. 

From the sounds of it, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s still hard not to blame yourself when a relationship goes south, but know that it wasn’t your fault. 

Post # 7
Member
11419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@asscherlover:  and @julies1949:  Agreed.

@littlepea:  I’m sure this break-up has been very painful for you, and I’m sorry that you’re going through this.  However, you sound as if you are a very bright young woman with a great future ahead of you.  I know it’s hard not to focus on what was (the relationship that you loved having with him) and what seems as if it can no longer be (the future that you had hoped to share with your now ex-SO.)  However, there are many other positive things happening in your life, things on which you now can focus your thoughts, time, and energy.  At some point, you are likely to meet someone else who will be an even better match for you, and you won’t continue to feel the pain you are currently experiencing.  I wish you all the best.

Post # 9
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

My daughter went through something similar about 4 years ago. She had been dating/living with her Boyfriend or Best Friend for almost 2 years while she was in college. She graduated and they went on a short cruise to celebrate. They were talking about marriage. They came home and went to a wedding  of one of her friends. Then they found out her BF’s best friend’s fiancee was pregnant and they were moving up their wedding. This all happened in a weekend. Then, all of a sudden Boyfriend or Best Friend freaked and broke up with her. No warning. Nothing. She was devastated and heartbroken. He obviously wasn’t ready for commitment- He was 24 years old.

Fast forward 6 months and my daughter meets a wonderful man. She was a little nervous since the break up was not that long ago. Turns out- it was meant to be. The following year they were engaged and the year after that- married. Still very happily married.

It is nothing that you did. Some people are looking for an excuse to get out of a relationship and that is the one he is using. Things will work out the way they are meant to be. Good luck.

 

Post # 11
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@littlepea:  he did you a favour, no matter how much it hurts now. i’m not saying that after 1.5 years you should have got married straight away, but it’s been enough time to start thinking about future. if he didn’t, it’s pretty “kind” of him not to string you along and clear your path for meeting someone who will be ready to spend the rest of his life with you. so try to be positive. time heals.

*hugs*

Post # 12
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Wow it so is not your fault. Honestly I don’t think it’s anyone’s fault. He just does not sound ready for a committed relationship period. His doubts may have more about not getting his way then actual doubts. Someday the right guy will come along and then you’ll be thinking of this relationship as a close call. He’s just not the one. It hurts, it always does. Just focus on what’s ahead and well, his loss!

Post # 13
Member
75 posts
Worker bee

Hi, 

You commented on my post earlier, but I just found yours. 

It sounds like our situations are somewhat similar. It can be really difficult to be in a relationship where you are actively trying to move it forward and your SO isn’t ready. That’s what I am going through and the reason my relationship just ended. The advice I keep getting is that it’s better that your SO was honest with you about his feelings now rather than string you along for months or years if he knows it won’t go anywhere. I know it depends on the person, but MANY 24 or 25 year old guys just aren’t ready to talk about the future because they haven’t figured out exactly what they want. I know that my ex wasn’t comfortable talking about our future together because he knew that I was ready for more than he was and he didn’t   know when he’d be ready. Rather than tell me that he may want to talk about marriage in X amount of time, he bailed so that he wouldn’t be leading me on. 

Many, many hugs to you. I know this is a super rough time for you. Healing takes time, but feel free to message me if you want to talk or swap stories. 

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