- 3 years ago
Hello, this may be a long post but I’m looking for some encouragement.
I had been dating my now ex for almost 4 years. The first 2 years of our relationship were amazing. We had both just graduated from undergrad – I was already accepted to pharmacy school and he had aspirations to go to dental school. We decided to do long distance while he was working on his applications and I was in school. I helped him with his apps, his personal statement, emails, encouraged him. He really had nobody when I met him and I felt like it was us against the world. He didn’t get in on his first try and was devastated. I helped him with his apps again, motivated him and he was able to get in on his 2nd try.
When he went off to dental school we were still long distance but that’s when things changed. I made friends in pharmacy school but never made him feel second best and always made time for him. When he started school he turned into someone I barely knew. He made many friends and started going out, ignoring my messages, didn’t make time for me – I even caught him in a couple of lies. That first year of him in school was tough but I always thought we had a strong bond so we made it through. For my last year of pharmacy school I was able to set up many of my rotations where he was and he asked me to move in with him. He promised me marriage and that he was serious about our future together. Well when I moved in, things were good for the first month but then everything took a turn for the worse. I had trouble making friends in this new town and he would leave me to go out on the weekends, not coming home until 1 or 2 AM. I know I was codependent and started nagging him which I am ashamed of. I could feel that he didn’t love me anymore but I tried so hrd to get back to what we had the first 2 years. In September a girl from his class who I had a bad feeling about wrote on his Facebook and put an animal emoji. I thought it was odd. I questioned him about it and he assured me that it was just an inside joke between his group of friends. I then saw that he was texting her and I flipped – he said they were just helping each other with schoolwork because he was a “nice person”.
Fast forward to December – it was an amazing month, we were joking about wedding hashtags and he said he was in this with me. I was interviewing for a job in the city where he lives. Well everything changed after my interview. I told him that I told them I wanted to be in this town because I was hoping my boyfriend would be my soon to be fiancé. I could tell from his reaction he had no desire to marry. He had also become very secretive with his phone and said it bothered him that I would ask who he was texting.
after that things were awful. I still had to live with him in January as I had my last rotation in that city (thank God I scheduled my last months at home with my parents). He started leaving me every night to hang out with friends. He wouldn’t text me and was cold to me – stopped saying I love you. We had a party for the national championship and around 10:30 one of his good friends and the girl from Facebook showed up absolutely plastered. I didn’t invite them. He told me his friend was talking to that girl. 5 days afterward I caught him in another lie about who he was hanging out with, he said he was with friends who I then saw on Facebook were out of town so he told me he was with a different group of guys. We wound up breaking up that night as he told me he was unhappy in the relationship. He moved into the guest room. I told him I was going home to stay with my parents that weekend.
3 days later I was out walking the dog and noticed that his car light was on. I knew he had a tough test the next day and didn’t want him to wake up to a dead car so I knocked on his door and told him. He thanked me. A couple of minutes later he was in my room almost in tears, telling me he had made a mistake and couldn’t stop thinking of me. He missed talking to me. He then said we should take a “break” and work on things to put the pieces of our relationship back together. I did leave that weekend and didn’t hear from him, when I got back on Sunday he wasn’t home and didn’t come in till 11 PM. I was upset so the next morning we got into a fight – I regretted it and apologized. I later found out he was with his group of friends and that girl was there.
in the next 2 weeks things were awful. He kept leaving, nothing was being worked on. He told me he needed to figure out his feelings for me. On my last night there he didn’t spend any time with me, went out with his friends but came into my room to say goodbye. He hugged me and told me to continue on the path we were on, that sometimes he felt it was the right thing and sometimes he felt being apart was the wrong thing.
i left the next day as I had no choice (my other rotations were where my parents live). 2 weeks went by and I didn’t hear from him. I texted him that I missed him and 4 hours later all he said was “thank you”. My mom told me there was someone else but I was sure there wasn’t. My birthday came and he didn’t even reach out to me to wish me a good day. How are you supposed to work on things when there’s no communication? So I got fed up and told him I was coming to get the rest of my things. He was very distant and ended things saying “I wish you all the best” and he felt it was best if he wasn’t there when I came. I went with my parents last weekend and right when I walked in I saw a small card on the counter – it was a valentines card saying how happy this girl was to have found him and if he would be her valentine and the emoji from that Facebook comment was drawn in it with a heart. It all came full circle – he is seeing this girl. I was devastated. I sent him a text saying I knew he was with her and he didn’t even have the decency to not leave anything out for me to see. I got all of my things and left the keys – he never responded and I haven’t heard from him since.
i am devastated. How could I be so blind? He was probably having sex with this girl in our bed the whole month I was gone. I keep thinking they will live happily ever after and here I am left with nothing. I gave this man my everything and he was my best friend. He will probably marry her – she is skinnier than me, blonde, in dental school. I can’t stop thinking about them together. I just want to move on- I know he didn’t treat me well towards th end but I keep thinking how it was in the beginning. She wrote he’s the sweetest man ev r in the card- I know he is treating her how he did me in the beginning because I thought th same thing.
sorry for the long post- just venting and looking for encouragement