Heartbroken

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

redrose21791 :  My first husband cheated on me and I tried as hard as I could to ‘not’ see what was going on right in front of me.   You want to believe the best about the person you are in love with.  Now that you know for sure – realize that no one can beat you up harder than you can for feeling so stupid.  TRY NOT TO DO THIS!  At least you did not marry him!..or worse have children who would have suffered as well.

Hugs – God had better plans for you!

Post # 18
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

Hi Bee,

Sending you a big hug. You will heal in time. Concentrate on your schooling and career! You will get through this.

And on a practical note, please go and get tested for Save-The-Date Cards.

Post # 19
Member
274 posts
Helper bee

Girl, you have to do the “I dodged a bullet” dance!!! Seriously! Celebrate the fact that you don’t have to live in that town you didn’t absolutely love, you finished up your rotations and you have a badass career like the awesome woman you are!

 Let her have the cheating bastard – he’ll totally do the same thing to her that he did to you. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He probably couldn’t handle your power. 

Post # 20
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been through something very similar last year.  Except I did move my entire career around to be with him and we bought a house together (talk about a nightmare to get out off).  Anyway I felt beyond stupid and all the same emotions you are going through now.  In fact for a time all I kept thinking about was how unfair that this OW was most likely living with him in the house we built together.

Then something amazing happened, I saw a therapist, joined Meetup, got a dog, and a friend of mine that I had known for over a year and volunteered with asked me out on a date.  He recently told me he’s in love with me and he treats me like a queen.  I couldn’t be happier! I had to give up the idea of what I thought my life should have been, and also stopped takes responsibility for other people’s actions. when I did that I realized that it was nothing I did that made my ex cheat, he cheated because he has a flaw in his own character and his values.  You’ll be okay, trust me! It stings and I’m really sorry for anyone who has to go through that, but you’ll be better off without him. 

Post # 21
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

I disagree with other posters on one thing — you did not make a mistake making decisions about your life and career because of someone you loved. He just turned out to not be the person he presented himself as. This is not your fault. You are a good person who loved whole-heartedly and that’s a beautiful thing. 

He did do you a favor in the long run. Relationships can be messy and I am sure he loves you but you are not meant to be together. 

You did not push him away with your “nagging” or “neediness”. What happened is your gut sensed there was something wrong with your relationship and this is how it was expressed. That is a completely normal reaction. There was nothing you could do to save this relationship.

You are young, have a great job, followed your dreams to go to pharmacy school, and you are home with you family so you have a support system. You are heartbroken today but everyday will get better and one day soon you will wonder how you ever thought this man was the one for you.

Much love.

Post # 23
Member
274 posts
Helper bee

redrose21791 :  It was meant to be, then! Hospital pharmacies are so much better than retail pharmacies. I was a tech at a retail place and it was hell. Complete hell. The pharmacist turnover was SO high. I lasted six months and quit. 

The universe provides – you’ll end up meeting a bunch of likeminded people at your job, and who knows what the future has in store for you. You did nothing wrong and you’re obviously a dedicated and caring person. This is going to be great for you! 

Post # 24
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I second that there is nothing inferior about you in any way, he is the one who is the losing a supportive, and loyal relationship. What an idiot he is! When you get those thoughts in your head, comparing yourself to her, try to remember that he is going to hurt her too, feel bad for her instead and then force your mind to change topics.

I wish you the best. Hang in there, “mr right” is waiting for you around the corner.

*Hugs

 

Post # 26
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

redrose21791 :  This is going to sound a little odd, but one thing that really helped me get through a bad breakup was mindfulness meditation. I can recommend a good youtube meditation video to get you started if you think you might want to try it.

Post # 29
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

redrose21791 :  

If it makes you feel any better / less jealous, I’m sure that their relationship is not the blissful new romance that you imagine it to be. It sounds messy and there are probably a lot of insecurities and confused feelings in that mix. I say this based on experience seeing friends going through similar circumstances on both sides of the equation. 

You on the other hand will be able to get a fresh start and fine a great guy and relationship without baggage. 

Post # 30
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

redrose21791 :  I had the same “bad feelings” about my ex. Little things made me doubt his stories, I caught him in lies, and it caused me to be a mess. Eventually we broke up.

Fast forward 3 years later I am marrying the love of my life. He is off work these days because things are slow (he is a contract worker). He could cheat on me to high heaven because I am gone a lot with work, school, and other obligations. I came home at lunch to get something and there he was sitting in his pjs with the dog. I laughed. He is so dependable I never worry.

The point of my story is, you deserve the peace of a faithful partner. He was not it. You will find it. It might take awhile, but it is something that will happen!

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