Post # 1
So where do I start :(. I go to Europe to visit my family for three weeks at the beginning of July. Things seemed perfect. In December he told me he was looking at rings and then we went ring shopping a few times. We were also looking at moving in together. I was gonna buy a place after my vacation and we were gonn live together.
My first day back from vacation he is very cold on the phone and text messages and told me to come see him after work and he wanted to talk to me. As soon as I saw him he told me he was breaking up with me. He didn’t love me anymore and didn’t wanna be with me anymore. I was completely blindsided as I thought things were going so well. We talked for hours about what he though of our relationship and then I went home. We talked on the phone for a few das and he seemed really down. He was telling me he needs space and time and he is stressed and work is not going the way he wanted. His rent was almost over and he needed to look for a new place to live and we were fighting a lot the last few weks before my trip and everything was stressing him out and he needs to clear his head. We decided not to talk for a while.
I only lasted a week and gave in and I messaged him to see him how he was doing. I saw him that weekend and we had a good day. And then back to not talking again. And then again I contact him and we go for breakfast. He then told me that he regrets breaking up with me and he made a big mistake but he needs time and space and doesn’t want to work things out. He said he loved me but needs to clear his head. I understand but I am still so confused.
It has now been 7 weeks since our break up. Last time we hung out was on Saturday and we had an awesome time, no fightin and no talking about us. Sunday he called me and told me spending time together confuses him and it is a distraction having me around and he can’t work on clearing his head if I’m still around. He asked me not to contact him for a few weeks to clear his head and see where he is at and then maybe things will change. But he kept repeating he doesn’t know what is going on with him and just begged me for some space. I have not contacted him since.
I love him so much. It’s been almost 2 months and I still feel the same way and I would take him back in a heartbeat if he ever comes around. I am so hurt and so heartbroken and a lot of things don’t make sense to me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I thought we were moving forward and he tells me he is scared and felt pressure from me and needs time and space to get his life in check and doesn’t need the distraction of a relationship.
So I went from waiting for a proposal to broken up and it f*cking sucks.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you are going through this. My only advice is to keep pushing forward and to occupy yourself with other things. Don’t count on you guys getting back together but don’t give up if that’s what you really want. Give him his space and let it be ok for you to have your space too. Use this time to your advantage.
Again, I’m really sorry that this is happening to you.
Post # 4
@lovey_dovey: don’t contact him again, whatever you do. You should just focus on yourself and find things that make yourself happy.
Post # 5
Oh sweetheart 🙁
i understand your heartbreak, been there and yes it really does suck! The best thing to do right now is focus on yourself, your hobbies and enjoying time with friends! It would also be a very wise idea to cut off contact with your ex, the more you see and talk to him the more you will hang on hoping he will change his mind and the more devastated you will be when you realise it’s not going to happen, take care of yourself Hun and pm me if you need someone to talk to
Post # 6
@lovey_dovey: this is going to sound harsh but I think in a lot of these cases, the person needing more time and space for vague reasons is because the person is worried they are settling but afraid to be alone or possibly interested in someone else. This may not be the case, but I think it’s important to acknowledge and prepare for that possibility. I think there is NO HARM to moving on with your own life and assuming you are over. If you are truly important to him, he won’t forget about you or let you go. Or, he might let you go and be relieved that he’s not getting any pressure from you anymore.
Im really sorry this is happening to you! Breakups are terrible! Take care of yourself.
Post # 7
I’m sorry but for some reason it sounds like he had someone while you were gone in Europe….may be wrong but certainly sounds that way to me!
Post # 8
I’m very sorry:( that is heartbreaking. I think being away will help u get over the feelings you have. Little visits make you hope… And you never really can grieve. Maybe try to accept the break up instead of clinging to his “maybe” statements. That’s not fair to you. don’t you think after 2 months he would be calling? If he isn’t then yea that hurts and sucks but in time u will heal… It just sucks you have to go through the pain until u heal:(
Post # 9
I’m sorry. I’ve had my heart broken also and it can be AWFUL. It’s taken me months at times to get over people whom I really cared about.
The best thing you can do, however, is move on with your life. Even though he claims he loves you and regrets breaking up, he also says he doesn’t want to get back together. Believe him.
@BellaDee: +1 I think this is right.
Post # 10
I am so sorry you’re going through this, but I have to be honest. Coming from a place of having dealt with a very similar situation…run for the hills. Even if he wants you back, don’t go. I played that game with someone who wasn’t sure about me. I played it on and off for three years. The truth was they just weren’t into me, but he cared very much about me and knew I was a good catch so tried to make it work. That person ended up doing all kinds of sketchy things behind my back and blamed it on us fighting, and that making me less attractive. At the end of the day, it’s all a bunch of bull. So I say run! And you know what? I spent three months obsessing and pitying myself over that relationship, then snapped myself out of it, started going to the gym, spending time with friends, and a month later found my soulmate who would never question our relationship.
Post # 11
@lovey_dovey: First i am so sorry. I have been in your exact shoes. You think all is going well and the next thing everything is upside down. In my case he told me exactly the same thing. He needed space, he was stressed with work, His daughter was leaving for university etc. We did not get back together. I know that is hard not to contact him but trust me don’t. Make him miss you. Focus on you! try to have fun and if he really does love you than he will come back. but remember if he doesen’t it was never ment to be. The man of your dreams is out there for you, it just isn’t him.
On a positive note: A year later I met my real prince charming. we are now engaged and getting married in 2014. When one door closes another one opens.
Chin up girl. Be as strong as you can be.
Post # 12
@lovey_dovey: this sucks 🙁 Relationship can be complicated and there are ups and downs in every relationship so dont feel alone. It is very possible that he really just needs to figure out wha is going on in his head. I have had those times where I just needed to be alone for a while and figure things out without the help or support of my SO. If someone is asking for time alone ou should respect that and use it as an oportunity to take care of yourself as well. Don’t force it. If it is meant to be it will be and if it was not meant to be you will realize it and thank your lucky stars it ended when it dead. Keep your head up.
Post # 13
@lovey_dovey: (((hugs))) I’m so sorry.
Now here’s my advice: dump his ass. Get out with friends and do you best to take your mind off him. Don’t call him and don’t return his calls.
I wouldn’t read too much into the times you spent together. I’ve heard this described as “weaning himself off you”. He has time with you for HIS sake, to make it easier on HIM. (Or worse, he is maybe playing “The Bachelor”, dating two women at once before deciding which one to give the rose). The “I still love you” line is probably because he doesn’t have the b*lls to tell you it’s over.
I agree with PPs that there’s a very good chance that he’s seeing someone else, which would explain why he’s free to see you at certain times, and doesn’t want you to contact him otherwise. Even if that isn’t the case, he doesn’t deserve your time when he’s treating you like this.
Post # 14
@lovey_dovey: I’m probably the last person who should comment on this post given my situation.
all I can say is be happy it happened when it did. I was engaged and then he ended it and it is even more traumatizing. Not only am I feeling heartbroken but humiliated.
We still talk and I think it is the worst thing. If he can leave me once, who is to say he will never do it again.
Take it from- distract yourself with friends and family. Make new hobbies. Keep busy. Someone better is out there for you. Everyone keeps telling me that and now that I see someone who is hurting like me, I realize it is true.
Im really sorry you are going through this and I am sorry for comparing my experience to yours. We need to keep our heads up and believe someone better is out there for us. Stay strong girl!
Post # 15
i’m so sorry. try to move on. (if he comes back to you figure it out then), just work on making yourself happy without him.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry. Honestly, time to move on. It sounds like he is toying with you. Why would you want to marry someone who isn’t 110% sure they want to spend their life with you?