(Closed) Heartbroken about having to give cat away

posted 4 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 76
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

It took my cats a couple weeks to get along but now they love each other! I know people have said you introduced them too soon and that is true. The longer you can keep them separate to begin with the better. You might want to transfer cat 2 to the safe room and let cat 1 have full run of the house. Remember it was her territory first which is probably why she gets so stressed being confined.

We initially adopted a pair of bonded kittens becuase my SO and I work fulltime and didn’t want a litle kitten alone all day. The experts recommend getting a pair because they keep each other company, they play with each other instead of your furniture and they help each other maintain their weight by playing. It worked great and they were SO loving and sweet with each other. Then the little boy got ill and we found out he had a fatal disease that affects about 1-5% of kittens. He passed away at 6 months old and our relatively calm and sweet natured girl got VERY NEEDY. She was constantly walking around crying, waking us up in the middle of the night for affection or bringing us her toys when we were sleeping. 

We decided to adopt a second cat. We had to wait three months so that virus would be dead and chose a 1.5 year old male that would be less likely to suffer the same fate because he wasn’t a kitten anymore and had a stronger immune system. 

We followed Jackson Gallaxy’s advice and introduced them very slowly be bringing in items that smelled like the other cat, letting them smell each other through the door and then after a week we let them see each other and had lots of treats on hand and feliway diffuse. Our little girl hissed a lot and was not the most welcoming at first and I thought we had made a HUGE mistake. But now they are so sweet with each other! The rub against each other, he grooms her and they play together all the time. They don’t sleep curled up as often as she did with her brother but it does happen from time to time and then I take a million photos because they’re such cute friends!

You should really try feliway. They have a difuser and s prat! I also bought some AMAZING cat calming treats that we still give one of our cats occasionally becuase he gets anxious when people come over. Those treats really helped both of them when they were introduced. 

Please don’t rehome cat 1 after just a couple days! Our girl was so hissy and would strike him when he tried to get close. She just needed to assert her dominance. It got better! That being said… they recommend not getting two girl cats unless they are litter mates.. they don’t mesh as well as mixed gendered pairs.. There is a reason they call it a cat fight!

Wow this is long…

Post # 77
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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forgotusername :  I really hope you don’t have any pets of your own.

This is about responsibility as a pet owner.  You can’t just give the pet back when it gets hard.  I know you don’t believe pets are the equivalent of children, but it would be similar to if a parent decided they didn’t want their kid because the kid was acting up.  This is why humane societies and animal shelters everywhere are overcrowded, because people can’t friggen take care of the animals they committed to.  There are millions of unwanted pets in shelters.  It is devastating and I would do anything to snap my fingers and they all have loving homes.  These are living, breathing creatures.  Pets that are abandoned don’t understand why they aren’t with their families anymore.  They don’t know why they are suddenly not with their owners or why they are fending for themselves on the streets instead of loving their humans and sleeping on their favorite chair at home.  They don’t understand when they are locked in a small cage at the humane society and surrounded by dozens of other animals.  That often causes behavioral issues which means they are less likely to be adopted, all because their humans were stupid and wouldn’t follow through on a commitment.

A pet is a living, breathing responsibility.  A responsibility that can feel pain and a responsibility that relies on its owners for food, shelter, and affection.  We adopted our older boy who is 10 when he was 8 years old and in the humane society for about 4 months.  He is noticeably happier and healthier now and it is so obvious he now has a deep trust for myself and my husband, but that took lots of time to get to that point.  I am so happy to provide him with a loving home and I wish I could do the same for every homeless pet.  It’s because of attitudes like yours that there are so many pets that need loving homes.

*hops off soapbox*

Post # 78
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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ljm308 :  everything you said x 1000. People are not forced to adopt animals, and I don’t understand why some people do it with such carelessness. 

Post # 79
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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shakeyourhips :  awww, I’m sorry you lost your little kitten.  Kitty diseases can be nasty.  What disease was it?

I picked up a stray from the street who turned out to have feline Leukemia.  Fortunately we had gotten her tested the day after I took her home and didn’t let her have contact with our current cat. She had tumors on her tummy, but seemed to be comfortable and happy.  She must have had them for a long time though, since I hadn’t taken her home over a year previous to the time I grabbed her because I thought she was nursing 🙁  Looking back the the pictures, her ear was tipped, so she was spayed.

Fortunately, we found a kitty hospice who takes FeLV positive cats.  Most of the adult cats do quite well there, but sadly the kittens have a short lifespan.  

Post # 80
Member
9397 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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ljm308 :  girl, you can get on that soapbox anytime. 

Post # 81
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2018

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halfling :  I know what you’re going thru,  I just recently had to rehome my eldest cat. I’ve had her since she was a kitten. Luckily, she was able to go stay with my parents, but it was/is still heartbreaking. 

We adopted a brother and sister when they were two months old. The little terrors are now three. 

They harassed our older cat like no tomorrow, ganged up on her. We always held out hope that they would all get along but in the past few months, things had changed, gotten worse. Our older cat has always been skittish and kept to herself, before the two arrived she had free roam of the house but very rarely left one room besides to eat and go to the bathroom. The past few months the terrorizing got worse to the point where she wouldn’t leave the room, only at night when the other two were locked in our bedroom. Two weeks ago, we went away for a week, my Future Mother-In-Law was looking after our furbabies and she said our eldest had resorted to now going to the bathroom in the room. That was the final heart breaking thing. I was being selfish in keeping her so long, but I didn’t want to let my baby go.  Now she’s doing much better and less stressed and I’m so happy she can now live out the rest of her life stress free.

My only advice is wait a little longer, see how they are after a month or so. If they aren’t, then start looking at other options.

Here’s hoping they connect! 

Post # 82
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

It has only been a few days. Please be patient and give these cats time to familiarize themselves with each other, new routines, etc. We had our first cat for about a year until we got a new one. And you can see in my past posts that when we got a second one Darling Husband and I struggled with making things normal again. It took a few weeks for them to finally get a long. Now, almost a year later and life is good. Give it time and please don’t be so quick to rehome your cat. What if you adopted a second child and the two kids didn’t get along. Would you rehome the child? Please please don’t give up on these cats. Give it time 

Post # 83
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

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ljm308 :  I have multiple dogs–a labradoodle and a corgi.  I have one cat that was adopted from the humane society, 3 turtles too.  I’m a responsible pet owner–shocking right? 

What I argued initially was for kids and pet.  You argue to me about overflowing humane societies and whatnot.  I argue with you the bursting foster home system.  Have you done your share on kids of our world?  I’m guessing not, yet here you are arguing for the animals. 

The reason you see me as heartless is because you’ve put human emotions on animals and call everything done to them as inhumanity.  They are animals, domesticiZe by humans and was only domesticated because of food.  They are loyal to you literally cause you control their food supply, where they sleep.  They are loyal because all they’ve known their whole lives is YOU telling them when to poop, telling them what to eat.  If you put them in a human level, that means you’ve taken them freedom and is now an owner of their lives.  Who are you to tell them what to eat?  Who are you to limit their freedom by a leash?  Who are you to tell them what to do or how to act? 

Animals are just that–animals.  If you want to out human emotions on their part, then be prepared to treat them duly as humans–with rights to freedom you so deny them. 

Now it’s easy to attavk the OP cause you’re behind the computer and have no consequence.  Let her suffer through and take care of an animal she doesn’t even want.  Cause from what I’ve seen here in the Bee–one etiquette faux pas and you guys shun a friend, one missed phone call and a Maid/Matron of Honor is demoted.  People shunning parents cause they are parents–they also hate on kids here.  The general theme is human hating.  Makes sense that the only things loved here are animals.

 

Post # 84
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee

You’re treating them like used vehicles… “we LOVE cat 1, we just think cat 2 is a better fit for us.”

That’s so heartbreaking to me. When you adopted cat 1, you committed to him for his entire life, not just until you found a better fit. You shouldn’t just trade him in for a newer model you like better (for now).

I think you feel bad because you know this is the wrong decision. I really hope you’ll rethink this.

As a sidenote, it’s not realistic to expect cat 1 to be anything other than a hissy mess while he adjusts. The best case scenario is that it will take a few weeks. Expecting them to adjust in a few days is not living in reality.

Post # 85
Member
7633 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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forgotusername :  Your post is all over the place and difficult to make much sense of, but it seems that your main issue is people equating humans with animals. I don’t really see that happening anywhere in this thread though, so your obsession over this point is a perplexing. 

Imagine if the OP had written this post about her children instead of pets. “My toddler really isn’t taking well to the new baby we had three days ago, but new baby really jibes better with husband and me, so we’re thinking of putting toddler up for adoption.”

The responess OP has gotten have been harsh, but if she’d written about her children this way, they’d be through the roof…slash I don’t think anyone would even take her seriously, because the premise is so entirely ludicrous, not to mention illegal. Thus your argument that everyone here is putting animals on the same level as humans is not affirmed by reality.

You keep blathering on about how animals are “just animals” – they’re not humans. I agree…I think most would agree. But surely you can see that there is an enormous gulf between treating an animal the same way you would a human (e.g., anthropomorphizing it) and treating it like an inanimate object such as a toy that can be cast aside the moment you grow tired of it?

Post # 86
Member
3231 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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forgotusername :  what part of she CHOSE to adopt the cat and accept responsibility for its care for the duration of its life do you not understand? No one forced her to do that. 

Beyond that I don’t have much to say because your post was literal gibberish. Were you drunk writing that or something?

Post # 87
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

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stephlynn :  He had the  dry form of FIP. I’m not sure if you know what that is but basically there is a virus that most kittens encounter that causes a little bit of diarrhea but not much else and then the kitten fights it off. In a very small percentage the virus mutates and leaves the digestive system and goes to other parts of the body. With the wet form it cause a lot of fluid to build in the abdomen and ends up being fatal. In the dry form it goes other places and starts attacking organs. Since it can attack so many different organs it can cause different symptoms which is why we spent months and $$$$ trying to save him and figure out what was wrong. His virus attacked his brain and by the end he could barely walk. The vet thought maybe it was an ear infection throwing off his balance.. or a parasite.. nope. Two more days in the ER vet (it was a weekend) and then he started having seizure so we decided we couldn’t watch him suffer anymore and put him to sleep.

Worst experience of my life because I loved that cat more than any cat I’ve ever met. He was seriously the sweetest thing. He slept on my chest ever night and purred like crazy. The vet said that cats with FIP tend to be super sweet because they can be feverish and like to snuggle for warmth but that just makes their passing harder because you bond with them so much. cry

Sorry that got so depressing! His sister is doing great and is such a little rascal! And our new boy is also wonderful so we are doing okay! 

Post # 88
Member
4243 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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forgotusername :  Ha.  That’s funny how you question my role in childrens’ lives.  I am a teacher and insanely passionate about education and about the wellbeing of children.  I don’t have kids of my own at this point, on purpose, but am seriously considering adopting should my husband and I decide to have kids.  So no, your assumptions are way off the mark.

However on the same token I always have been insanely passionate about animals and animal rights.  Many people assume since animals aren’t humans they can’t feel pain and they aren’t affected by abandonment, but that is simply not the case.

Post # 89
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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shakeyourhips :  Awwww.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Poor little thing.  I’m happy you have other cats to help heal your heart.  We gave our new cat a middle name that means “healer” in old-fashioned Arabic, since we got him to help me out with having to give away the stray.  (The hospice only does intake twice a month, so I bonded with her in the 2 weeks we had to watch over her 🙁 )

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