(Closed) Heartbroken all over again !

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@Futuremrssw:  Sweetheart, you HAVE have have have have have have (have I said it enough?) to let go of the idea that you guys were meant for each other.

You have to.

Look, I was the exact same with my first boyfriend. I was so sure we were meant to be togetehr that initially our breakup didn’t even phase me. I was sooooooo sure that he’d come back around, that he’d realize he’d made a huge mistake.

Well…weeks went by, then months, and guess what? Nothing. He’d call, say he missed me, say he cared about me etc etc but no reconciliation.

He met another girl (actually he later admitted he’d broken up with me for her but kept it off facebook for months to save me from being hurt). I knew deep down that there was another girl (and that it was this specific girl) but I refused to acknowlege it because hell, she was known for going through guys like nothing else.

6 months after our breakup I finally saw his relationship status change. Undeniable proof that he was not getting back together with me. I tried to kill myself. Over a guy. Because I believed that he was the one and if we didn’t date I’d never find anyone.

I’ve been where you are and believe me, I never thought the pain would stop. It took a long time, a long time but it did. It did and I learned:

1. I didn’t need a man to survive and be happy
2. This guy was not the one and therefore I would find another man and be happy.

Please, for your own sanity let go of the notion that he was the one you were meant to be with. If he was meant to be with you he would never have let you go in teh first place for fear of losing you.

Huge hugs! I’m sorry!

Post # 4
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Futuremrssw:  To feel better, move on.  Stop worrying about what he’s doing and if he’s coming back.

Post # 5
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

dbl pst

Post # 7
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee

@Futuremrssw:  If you really are suicidal, you should call a crisis line, a friend, or 911.  Please understand that HE IS NOT WORTH IT.  I know it hurts.  Here’s my story:  I had a serious boyfriend – we’d traveled to meet the parents in different states, we’d talked seriously about the future.  I wanted to go to grad school and he encouraged it (he had a PhD) I had to go to a different city to do that.  We did a LDR for awhile, eventually that didn’t work and we split – but I held out hope that we would get back together again.  To my heartbreak, when it was time for me to do an internship I set it up to go back ‘home’ and do it.  The day prior to going back, I got a call where he informed me of his engagement to someone else.  I was heartbroken.  But… I survived.  I found that I was better off having had the relationship – he encouraged me to continue my education and for that I’m forever grateful.

It doesn’t seem like it now, I know.  But there will be a day when you can look back on this and see how it’s made you a better and stronger person.  You can take those strengths forward and find the right person.  

Now, seriously – if you are thining of hurting yourself.  Please call someone.  If you cannot find a crisis line – call 911.

Post # 8
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Futuremrssw:  I know it’s easier said than done but he’s your first boyfriend and there will be other loves.  It hurts more now because you clung to hope that he would come back.  Since you didn’t start healing right after the break up, you’ll have to start over. 

So step one, let go of the idea that you guys will ever get back together.  I find it helps to pretend that he never existed. Forget the cliche that if it’s meant to be, he will come back to you.  No, the reality from years of dating and relationship experience is that if it’s meant to be, he will stick with you and make it work.

Step two, focus on yourself and spend time with your friends and family.  Go get a new haircut, a new hobby, exercise, anything that will help you feel good that has nothing to do with him or memories of him.  Boys don’t want to date a girl who’s still moping around because of her ex.  This will help you move on to new loves.

Good luck and please don’t think that it’s the end of the world.  He sucks and believe me, when he sees how well you’re doing without him, he’s going to be the one thinking he had it good.

Post # 9
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FEDORAble:  +1

Obviously if he’s with another girl, that means YOU ARE NOT MEANT FOR EACH OTHER.  There is someone better out there for you!  He told you he doesn’t want to be in a relationship.  You now learn that he meant he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

Does it suck?  Yes.  Does that mean your life is over?  No.  Go out with your girlfriends.  Go out with family.  Take up a class or hobby.  MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE AND FORGET ABOUT HIS SORRY @SS!

 

Post # 10
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Jewelieee:  +1

And please, if you feel like hurting yourself call a crisis hotline or 911!

Post # 13
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Futuremrssw:  You may feel awful now, but just remember that it won’t last.  You’re young and you have plenty of time to meet someone (who appreciates you).  It sounds exactly like what happened to me at your age, and then 2 years later I met my Fiance and realised that this was the love of my life – and that will happen to you! Just concentrate on yourself and have fun, he obviously doesn’t deserve you!

Post # 14
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

Listen here’s some odd things that helped me.

Puzzles, crossword, word search etc. When I was doing them I was fully engaged and not able to think about him. I did them at night when it was the worst. I’d wake up and not be able to stop thinking about him so I’d do a few pages of the book and go back to bed.

The book “It’s a breakup because it’s broken” is also a great read that I’d recommend (it’s by the same guy who wrote “He’s just not that into you”)

 I know all about that desire to sleep forever. However, if you’re in school I’d suggest setting up an appointment with a school psychologist or something. My counselor was such a huge help for me. It was amazing to see how far I progressed under his care. I saw him for 3.5 years and at the end when I graduated he told me how proud he was of how far I’d come.

@Jewelieee:  +2

Post # 15
Member
1783 posts
Buzzing bee

@Futuremrssw:  I feel like such an idiot for believing that he actually loved me , Nd the fact I still want him after he made me feel unworthy of his love and of life ! I’m ready to feel better now !

You’re not an idiot.  He probably did love you when he said that – but things change.  They always do.  Sometimes they change in the direction we like, sometimes they change in a direction we don’t like so much – but they change.  

Now as to the fact that you still want him –  only YOU have the power to change that.   Allow yourself a brief time to grieve that your fantasy is gone, and then every time you think of him – go do something else, something that takes you in a positive direction: Hobbies, gym, volunteering, studying and making Dean’s list.

If you really mean it that you’re ready to feel better – then you will but it may be a two steps forward one step back kind of thing for a bit.  Just know there are lots of us who have been there and we are proof that it will get better. 

 

 

 

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