Heartbroken and lost

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Second chance or move on?
    Leave her : (31 votes)
    55 %
    Second chance : (1 votes)
    2 %
    Needs a therapist : (24 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    481 posts
    Helper bee

    This is so awful. I feel for you and your children. Get all the support you can from a good lawyer and counsellor etc. Make sure she has no access to any of your funds. There is something serious going on behind the scenes in her life and she is doing her best to keep it from you. Look after yourself and your kids. I wish you the best.

    Post # 34
    Member
    550 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I’m so sorry 🙁 you have a tough time ahead and you definitely don’t deserve it. I’m glad you are free of her though, thinking of you and your kids.

    Please get legal help with the kids and your divorce I doubt she’s going to make it easy 🙁

    Post # 35
    Member
    9225 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    wiktor11 :  

    If it’s any comfort, the most current research is showing that 82% of kids whose parents were unhappy, but stayed together, for the children, wish their parents had divorced.

    The more I think about your story, the more it sounds like Dh and his exw. She ran up astronomical credit card bills, hid them, and assured him they were being handled.

    Her thing was to start businesses and run them into the ground. She would spend lavishly on the businesses, way too much on furniture, equipment, etc for a business not even launched yet. 

    Eventually, she was diagnosed as bipolar. After getting the entire community to send her money because she was dying of cancer.  She wasn’t.

    Dh is a victim, but also a participant.  He knew the ex was not a responsible person, yet he let her have unfettered access to the credit cards.  He accepted her lies at face value, ie that the bills were being paid, with absolutely no historical basis to trust her.  His passivity cost him dearly.

    Ultimately, he ended the marriage because he discovered she was cheating.  But, he stayed much too long.

    Post # 36
    Member
    1014 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Sorry bee.  Sooo sorry.  But you need to prepare yourself because honestly, based on what you have said, I believe things are about to get nasty.  Why do I think this?  Because of all the lies, misdirection, lack of remorse and lack of the ability to even give you a smidgen of truth when you would’ve given her a chance.  Definitely anti-social behavior going on here.  Addiction, narcissism, bi-polar…..whatever she’s about…its always going to be about her needing more.

    You should be realizing that you never knew this person and that means you have no idea what she is capable of.  She knows a good deal more about you than you do her and she’ll use that to her advantage.  Lawyer up and prepare for the worst.    

    Your passiviity in this whole episode ends now.

    Post # 37
    Member
    9225 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    wiktor11 :  

    After my last post, I realized that I needed to clarify.  Dh’s ex is an untreated Bipolar 1.  She has long refused meds or therapy.

    Very unfortunate, because this mood disorder generally responds well to treatment.

    Post # 39
    Member
    1014 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    wiktor11 :  Yep, everything is going to be tough from now on. I am so sorry.  If you decide to stay in this marriage, couples therapy should be mandatory or no marriage.  She doesn’t get to say no to this bee.  She has destroyed the foundation in your marriage and she needs to be open to pretty much everything to fix it.  Full disclosure means her email & cell are open to you at any time with no argument.

    If you decide to go ahead with the divorce don’t assume she’ll get total custody of the children as the tides are starting to turn in favor of fathers.  Fight long and hard for partial custody at minimum.  If she’s been deceiving you this easily for this long with no real remorse, I honestly don’t think she’s the type that would play fair. I’d call this a case where you might want to dig up as much info as possible.  As you’ve learned, what she tells you isn’t always the full truth.

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