(Closed) Heartbroken :(

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 76
Member
2312 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I know that each time you post, you clarify that you are SURE he wants to marry you. I wonder if it us you are trying to convince, or yourself? I don’t say that to be mean, but to actually make a point- DOES he want to marry you? NONE of his actions say he does. I’m not one to advocate issuing ultimatums to get a proposal, but in this case, I believe you need to disengage yourself from this relationship and pursue a life independent of your boyfriend. Trust me, if he really DOES want to marry you the way you say you’re confident he does, he will do whatever it takes to get you back and marry you. If he does not, then you’ll know he never really wanted to marry you in the first place. And you will be much better off for it. 

Post # 77
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

View original reply
@MrsFuzzyFace: I second the big boy pants!

Post # 78
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Five years is a long time. Like other posters have said: If he really wanted to marry you, he would. In the meantime focus on yourself because if it does come to the point where you have to leave it will be much easier if you are confident in and by yourself. Example: “Oh my bf and I have been there” versus “I love that place”. Be strong and keep us updated. And remember, you deserve to be happy. Don’t let anyone make you sacrifice your own happiness.

Post # 79
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

The bitchy response that came to my mind is “I’ll let you know Aug 1.”  He can wait for answers just like you are.  Keep him on his toes.  He’s too comfortable.

I like that answer – It’s really the only way to out the shoe on the other foot and let the man know wht it’s like to wait and wait for a decision that by now shouldn’t be such a hard things to do.  The breaking point for most relationships is statistically 2 years – by then the basic chemical/hormone reactions that gave you the butterflies in the timmy feelings have given way to the feelings you really have for each other, the rose colored glasses have come off, and you are better at accessing who this person you’re with really is.  By 5 years, unless money, career, health or severe family or legal issues are involved, he should really know what he wants, especailly past 30 years old.  If you guys were 20 and had been dating since 15, I’d feel more time was reasonable, or even a few years older, as another fact is that many people change their life ideas between 20 and 30, and their basic personality can change quite a bit during that young-adult growing period, to where you might not even be compatible by the time you’re 35.  This isn’t the case here.  You’ve been together through the tail end of that growing time, have seen each other as the person you will most likely be the rest of your life. 

 

Post # 80
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m a bit of an optimist and keeping my fingers crossed for you… I don’t think there’s anything wrong with giving him a deadline, but if he is saying yes I will meet this deadline, then I would give him one last chance. If he happens to be planning a big romantic proposal and wants the exact timing to be a surprise, then he is not going to want to ruin it by fighting or any sudden ultimatums. Does he realise how long it takes to plan a wedding? Does he still think he is on track with the December wedding schedule or has he admitted that it will be later? I would emphasise to him that you take his promises seriously and just how much it hurts when he breaks them. I would also ask him if he has made any concrete plans for a proposal (e.g. to do with the ring, where he will take you, chosen a particular date etc.). He doesn’t have to tell you what the plans are but you need to know if he has made any. I’m hoping that this time he means it… that he pulls out the biggest, most extravagant proposal very soon and proves you wrong in your doubt.    

Post # 82
Member
58 posts
Worker bee

If he really wants to make you happy, feel secure and show that you are a top priority in his life, he will do whatever it takes.  Any man worth his salt wants to be with his SO and will move mountains for her.  He should know that losing you is a very real possibility. Let him be uncomfortable-seems you have been for the past few years.  Stay strong and hold your ground.    

Post # 83
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

you are not wrong not at all!! you have to make sure your life is going to have the outcome you want. There is nothing wrong with that. 5 years is  long time good for you taking  stand. stick to it 🙂

Post # 84
Member
3459 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Maybe just throw it back at him: “I really don’t know.  What do you think I should do if you break an important promise to me a second time?”

Post # 86
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t like how some guys want the perfect time, situation, or whatever to propose. Sometimes they should just stick to their guns, keep their word, and just do it!

The situation you are in is tough! I’ve thought about it before too… many years invested in a relationship with hopes of an imminent engagement, only to be disappointed by the time that just keeps passing by. However, what the SO says can provide a glimmer of hope, if only one could be o patient as to wait and see when it will come to light. Do what you feel is right for you. I probably wouldn’t be so strong willed. Good luck!

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