Post # 1
My sister and I have been the best of friends since we were kids. She has continually told me I am her best friend in the world, and that she is not closer to anyone else. With that said, she was naturally my Maid/Matron of Honor. I went out of my way on my special day to show the most special friend in my life just how much she meant to me by making sure she had the most important role, stood right beside me, had the honor of Maid/Matron of Honor, had the prettiest dress, purchased special jewelry for her, gave her a different bouquet to set her apart, and made her feel important and dear etc..
Fast forward a few years, now it is her turn to get married. I found out through a card that one of her friends was going to be her Maid/Matron of Honor. After all of that talk again and again of me being her absolute besty and that no other friend compared…I’m devestated to say the least. When I asked her about her decision, she said she didnt want to split up a couple (as in splitting up the Maid/Matron of Honor Bridesmaid or Best Man with different people) so they wanted to pick their 2 mutual friends that are married. She asked me to be a bridesmaid along with several other friends of hers and his cousins. It is difficult to feel honored for being a bridesmaid when I’ve been placed in the same category as so many others, yet have been constatly told how much more special I am to her. When I expressed why I was hurt and how I had tried to make her feel how important she was to me during my wedding her response was, “what do you expect? Why would I do anything different for you? that would be stupid, you’re just a bridesmaid”
I would never have had a problem or have been so hurt if she didnt constantly tell me how close we were and stress that no other friend came closer and even go as far (prior to her being engaged) as complaining about her now Maid/Matron of Honor and how childish, jealous, petty she is =( She expects me to help with all of her wedding planning, including hosting and paying for her bridal shower, because I am her sister.
To stay in the bridal party and be a bridesmaid I feel would be too painful at this point. I find myself completely doubting our friendship and closeness.
Can I please get some honest but kind feedback please?
Post # 3
@Betty1821: I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I would be very upset. I don’t understand what your sister is thinking. This seems mean and heartless. My sister and I have argued our whole lives and she is still my Maid/Matron of Honor. If I were in your shoes I would probably still be in the bridal party (You would probably regret it later if you skipped out all together). But I WOULD NOT plan/pay for her bridal shower or anything like that. She picked someone else as Maid/Matron of Honor, IMO that means she picked someone else to help with that stuff.
Post # 4
I don’t have much advice for you… but I also picked my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor. She is only 16 but were are like pb&j. I don’t exactly expect to be her Maid/Matron of Honor when the time comes but I do feel as though I would probably be just as hurt as you are if I’m not, bc I’ve made it very exciting and important for her and would feel as though I’m not as valued to her as she is to me. That being said, I don’t think you should drop out of her wedding unless you are prepared to hurt yalls relationship badly. Being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is a honor, maybe not as much as her Maid/Matron of Honor but you weren’t completely left out.
Post # 5
I would be hurt too. My best friend and MOH is closer to me than her sister, and she still told me that she would pick her sister as Maid/Matron of Honor because they are sisters and that’s just the way it should be. I realize not everyone feels that way, but based on the way you describe your relationship that does seem pretty shocking.
From what I understand, the Maid/Matron of Honor is married to the best man? That seems a pretty flimsy reason but maybe it’s the truth.
Post # 6
I understand your hurt but I think maybe your placing to much importance on a title. She did include you in her bridal party and since she’s telling you how important you are I think you should be the bigger person. Not being in her bridal party would just be trying to hurt her back as sometimes happens with sisters. Don’t let this spoil what you have, I would give anything to have a relationship like that with my sister. I would hate for you to throw it away for one day. Try placing less importance on the title and be the bigger person.
Post # 7
I am so sad to hear this. I know the immediate reaction may be to drop out due to a heavy heart, but others are right, you’d regret it. I suggest staying in but when she makes Maid/Matron of Honor requests of you, say “that you don’t want to overstep your boundaries and it’s best to be left to the Maid/Matron of Honor, ___”
Your sister will know that she has made a big mistake, but perhaps the best option, now that she knows how you feel, is to be supportive. Being childish will validate her decision of not choosing you, unfortauntely. Also, even though your relationship may change (it sounds like you’re very disappointed in her) she is your sister and maybe she will come around and apologize. It’d be horrible to lose whatever bond you have left with her over such a joyous event.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 8
First, I want to say that I would be as crushed as you are if my sister did that to me. Sorry.
I think that if you drop out of the bridal party altogether, then one day you will regret it. Just like I imagine one day she will regret not making you the Maid/Matron of Honor.
However, I do agree with PP that it should be the titled Maid/Matron of Honor who is handling the parties, etc. She shouldn’t expect you to act as Maid/Matron of Honor without the title by pulling out the sister card when you could just as easily be pulling out the sister card to say you should be Maid/Matron of Honor.
I honestly think the reason behind her decision sounds a little bogus. Who cares if they have to walk with separate people? I would call BS on that one.
Post # 9
I would be hurt too. My little sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor, and my best friend — but she has not really stepped up to do the duties of a Maid/Matron of Honor. I felt hurt by that, but ultimately I decided that we do have a very close relationship, and her behavior just isn’t reflecting that right now, so I let it go. Maybe you can try to feel the same way? Trust what you know, which is that you and your sister are very close. Try to forget about the title of MOH/BM, and just be there for her during this stressful/fun time in her life. Your relationship with her should matter more than the title she gave you. Don’t spoil her engagement/wedding day–I’m sure you love her more than to do something like that!
Post # 10
I completely agree with the PP. Stay in the bridal party and be there for your sister on her big day even though what she did was so hurtful. However, DO NOT take on the duties of a Maid/Matron of Honor. And I may be incorrect about this but I believe tradition states that NO family member should throw a bridal shower for the bride. So if she says your supposed to throw one for her because your her sister, just let her know that since you are not her Maid/Matron of Honor that this would be completely unacceptable as people will see it as family trying to get gifts for their family. (I think that is why “tradition” says no family members).
Post # 11
I can understand that you are upset, since you made such an effort to make your sister feel special and unique for your wedding I can’t imagine how hurt you are that she’s not returned the kindness. Unfortunatley, you are in no position to discuss this with her without it becoming an enormous problem and you possibly being villified for daring to question her wishes. Brides are tricky things, and as hard as it is, I would stay in the bridal party, do my best to enjoy myself and be there for her and after all the dust has settled and she’s married and it’s all over, see how you really feel about it, and if it’s still a sore subject for you, maybe talk about it with her…but I wouldn’t try to kick up any fuss over it now, it will just make things worse.