Post # 1
I don’t have anyone I can talk to right now and I really need some support. I am hurting.
Tonight me and my FH, engaged for 2 weeks, finally had the opportunity to tell his parents we are engaged. We truly thought they would be elated. They were completely unsupportive. His mother stared at us and said “oh.” a few times, then launched into an angry speech about how we cannot afford this and that, and so on and so on, basically shooting my FH down and acting as if we are complete idiots who haven’t given any thought to this decision.
Not a single smile. No congratulations. We are utterly shocked and crushed. I feel sick and I’m not sure I can deal with them in my life. They act so friendly and nice most of the time, but they were clearly pissed and unsupportive of our engagement.
Some background, FH and I have been in a serious relationship 3 years, both 25, both work full time and have masters degrees…they treated us like a couple of dumb teenagers who got drunk and decided to elope to vegas.
Post # 2
I’m sorry, that must have felt really terrible.
Could they be thinking you expect them to contribute financially? Maybe your fiance could clarify that point. Hopefully they were just surprised and bad with surprises (to give them the benefit of the doubt…)
Post # 3
I would suggest your fiancé talk to them on his own to try to figure out what their problem is. If they’ve been supportive of your relationship until now it’s very strange that they would have such a negative reaction. Maybe there is something going on in their lives that triggered an unreasonable response?
I’m sure their response was very hurtful but if you’ve never had any problems with them before I would try to give them an opportunity to apologize and explain thier unacceptable behavior when you told them.
If they don’t budge then you and your fiancé will need to decide how to move forward in your relationship with them. That may involve distancing yourself or possibly not inviting them to the wedding. But before taking an drastic steps I would give them at least one chance to explain themselves and apologize. But like I said, I do think your husband should take the lead on confronting them.
Post # 4
Guess they’re not invited to the wedding.
I’m sorry they were so unsupportive.
Congrats on your engagement!
Post # 5
Ugh, I’m so so sorry, that is infuriating and absolutely heartbreaking. They have NO reason to have acted that way ever, but especially because you have been together a long time, are very committed and are PLENTY old enough to decide what you want! Sending hugs.
Post # 6
Jazzylove : thank you so much. Even virtual hugs mean a lot right now
Post # 7
My mom’s reaction when D.H and I got engaged was “oh” and that’s about it. It really does hurt and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. *hugs*
Post # 8
I can’t believe that was their reaction after so many years together and no issues. Hopefully your fiancee can talk to them and see what is the real issue is. Worst case they’re not invited to the wedding. You and you’re SO are happy continue moving forward as a strong couple. Congrats! Be happy! You can’t please everyone.
Post # 9
What we’re their reasons? Do either of you still live with your parents? Do you have immense student debt?
Post # 10
You both finished school are working and have been together for 3 years I think that’s reasonable. Why are they upset? Do you two live on your own or with them? It sucks but I would distance myself from them let your fiancé talk to them. Hopefully things get better in the future.
Post # 11
My mom had an interesting reaction too when I got engaged. Weddings make some people act weird. She eventually got super excited but at first she was like “ohhhh that’s great….” and didn’t have any interest in planning and now she’s obsessing about decorating and how she’s going to wear her hair, and what kind of table numbers we should have. Give it some time and they’ll come around. They’re probably just surprised.
Post # 12
Oof, that sounds awful 🙁 I am so sorry Bee!
I’d give it some time and have your FH talk to them. A lot of times peoples reactions to weddings are more about their own experiences than about you.
Congratulations on your engagement! I hope it all sorts itself out! Best of luck xo
Post # 13
Congratulations on your engagement, I’m so sorry your fiance’s parents reacted so poorly to your happy news. He needs to talk with them to find out their concerns. I agree with PP’s saying give it some time, especially since they’ve previously been supportive of your relationship. HUGS!
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Weddings bring out just the weirdest behavior from people, for real. I’m so sorry, Bee. Even if they had concerns they could have at the least been pleasant and happy for you, and voiced them appropriately. More than likely they are just scared for you guys, even if they have no reason to be. People project their own insecurities and fears onto other people in very, very strange ways.
As hard as it is, maybe just give them a bit of space and then try again. As other PP’s have mentioned, perhaps have your new fiance speak to them alone, calmly. If you rise above and keep your composure, chances are you’ll come out on top and things will blow over.
Post # 15
So sorry your going through this! I can relate as my husbands parents were just like this and it sucks so bad. We didn’t include them in any plans and eloped instead. We were in the process of buying a house at the same time and we had no emotional support from them on either front. Now that we are under contract for a house,they can’t stop talking about it and happy for us-doesn’t excuse their behavior in my eyes but I’m cordial to them in person. Hopefully things turn around for you bee! *hugs* biggest congratulations to you guys!