Heartbroken by FH's parents

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Wow this sounds so similar to my past engagement. It was really hard to be happy about being engaged and make plans without his family’s support. I had no clue that it was just the tip of the iceberg with his family issues and it ultimately broke us up. I hope your fiance puts you first because its about the 2 of you creating a strong foundation for your marriage that no one should be able to come between. 

Post # 18
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Were they shell shocked by the engagement and didn’t know how to react? Did they imagine that they would have been included? Is one of his siblings in a bad relationship or recently married? Could explain their behavior 

Post # 22
Member
9610 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

What an incredibly bizarre situation. I’m sorry they are bringing such negativity to your happy time. It sounds like your fiance’s talk with them didn’t change the situation at all. I think some counseling is a great idea to help you both figure out how to navigate this situation.

Post # 23
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

daisymaewaiting :  

Oh, honey.  It’s more likely than not that their ‘reason’ has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own dysfuntionality.

Stop wracking your brains.  It’s human nature to look for a “why?” when someone does something loony.  But, there are occasions on which the only “why” is someone’s pathology.  It happens.

I doubt that you really have enough power in the family to foment such a bizarre reaction.  For whatever reasons, they don’t want their little apple cart upended.

It sounds as if your fiancé handled things admirably. 

Don’t pin too much on getting an apology that may never come.  These people are clearly not quite right and you may have to learn to work around them.  Aging won’t make them better.  Don’t make an apology a hill to die on, it’s not worth it.

Post # 24
Member
3217 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

From your update it sounds like Future Mother-In-Law can’t wrap her head around being engaged without a ring. What is the reason for not having a ring? Is it because you just don’t want one? Or you guys can’t afford it? If it’s the latter, that might explain the reaction a bit. It still isn’t ok for them to be so outright mean about it, but if you can’t afford a ring you probably can’t afford a wedding, so financial concerns are absolutely valid. That isn’t an excuse to treat you guys poorly though.

Post # 25
Member
241 posts
Helper bee

As far as I know, the only cost associated with a marriage is a marriage license and most states give a discount if you have went to couples counseling (which you plan on doing). You DO NOT have to have a ring, a wedding, none of it. It’s no one’s business but you and your Fiancé’s. 

Set boundaries now and don’t be so quick to forgive. I hope things improve one way or another. Congratulations on your engagment  (b/c guess what, it’s legit even w/o a ring)!

Post # 28
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

Thats a huge bummer.

Engagement equals commitment. You might even have a really long engagement they were very unsupportive.

 

I think you guys could just do some reflection and see if they have an valid concerns. talk about what you two want and can manage and just continue on your own oath and let people come around ?

Post # 29
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

daisymaewaiting :  I’m sorry it sucks when people aren’t happy for you. I haven’t had that problem but we had the problem of people not caring to the point we didn’t no how to react when strangers were happier for us then are own parents. I don’t want to say it ruins it but it does make it less exciting. Just try to surround yourself with people who are happy for you. Your fiancé on your side you two should just focus on your relationship and maybe one day they way realize what they did but they may never come around. All you can do is prepare for that as possibility and decide how you two want to handle that. Don’t let them ruin this for you two. 

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