- 4 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014
Newbie here. I felt like I needed to put my thoughts into words because like a panic attack is starting. Feel free to comment or not, since I’m sure my case is not the first on this board. Like I said, I just needed place to vent.
So, my fiancé and I have been together for a little under 6 years and we finally got engaged this past August. I am a 32 year old asian female and he is a 40 year old caucasian male. No kids in the situation for either of us (just two great cats) and first marriage for both of us. We are financially independent, mature (as much as I can gather), and share similar interests goals and values.
We are both very happy together and so is his side of the family, who treat me just like I’m their daughter. My parents on the other hand…hate our union. The reason…I am not marrying A rich asian doctor. Instead, I fell in love with a compassionate and loving man who is a piano teacher and music director. He is well educated (has his masters in music), is currently employed, and is very financilally savvy. However, my parents are having issues with me, a woman, being the breadwinner in the family since I am a doctor. BTW, I do theatre as well. I met my FI when doing show…I was the stage manager and he was the music director. Showmance! 🙂
They had already written off since we first dated. Refusing to get to know him or even meet him because my mom stated “she already knows all about those starving artists”. My mom is very much an elitist and thinks I should marry at a certain level.
My parents being traditional, asian parents feel that I should stay at mom, raise my kids, and find a husband that will support all of us. Newflash…although being a SAHM is great for some people, it is not for me. I did not take out a six figure loan, earn a doctorate, be good at what I do…to just stay home. I think between my FI and I, we can manage raising a little family just fine. We might not have a mansion, but who cares?
Whatever happened to finding a good person who treats you like gold and comes from a happy and healthy family himself? Did my parents not realize that he stood by me and took care of me when I was diagnosed with melanoma (twice) and underwent four surgeries at the age of 29?
Don’t get me wrong, I have tried since our engagement to include my parents in the wedding planning and to get to know the FI better. All efforts being met with frowns, condescending remarks, and angry phone calls and lectures to me. My mom even had the nerve to tell us to delay the wedding until he could find a higher paying job. She hates the wedding venue that we picked (a yacht reception) and our wedding date because apparently…it is not a “lucky day”. All these opinions and her wanting to control everything for a wedding that my FI and I are paying for ENTIRELY.
Seriously, am I missing something? Because my parents are emotionally blackmailing me by saying that I am an ungrateful, bad daughter, who doesn’t agree with everything they say.
I know that they want the best for me, but the fact that they constantly assault me with negativity (the FI and I are destined for divorce according to my mom) and my parents blaming ME for their depression is making me think I need therapy, so I don’t end up all crazy.
Ok, done with rant.