Post # 1
Why is there always ONE..one that will just fall off the face of the earth during wedding planning? This one hurts-a lot. My close friend, who I have turned to through a lot of boy drama (pre-FI) love to go out and spend a night on a patio with, and adore, is not able to attend the taping of Keisha’s show this Friday.
In fact, she just bailed.
She has a mother dying of cancer and has a LOT on her plate right now. I know this! I have offered every other day to go over, help her, clean, whatever she needs. And I mean it. Cook, clean, whatever. I work from home and only run a part time office right onw with wedding planning, so no problem to lend a hand.
She never takes me up on the offer. She always bails on me lately and I am sure she is a bit uncomfortable that I am getting married and she isn’t (terrible story…hubs cheated on her then she had a few long terms that went dreadfully south)…
I have honestly come to just accept her excuses as in “I have a migraine”, “I am not feeling good”, “I have a gy over” and the other excuses to bail.
BUT, ya, when you think al lth signs are there and she doesn’t in fact even want t obe friends anymore, she is always inviting me out or over and even when she cancelled for the show Friday, she inivted me out for lunch Saturday (she probably will bail…)
I wrote back to her right away asking if everything was ok, that I really would love t haveher there, I am not having a bridal shower or anything so I actually wanted to surprise my closest friends with a thank you lunch in TO afterwards.
What do I do with this?
Post # 3
Keisha like the singer?
If her mom is really sick, I think you should be forgiving of her for bailing. She might feel really upset and worry that she would ruin your fun time with being sad. OR she’s flakey…has she ever flaked on you before?
I have a friend who is notoriously flakey. She doesn’t even let people know she isn’t going to show up…she just doesn’t. Still, she is my best friend and since I know that about her, it doesn’t bother me like it once did. It’s like, well that’s P.
Post # 4
If she has a lot on her plate the most you can do is just be supportive and offer help and leave it at that. Don’t expect her to be available to hang out as much any more if at all. But do request her to let you know in advance if she can make it or not so you don’t waste your own time waiting for her or rearranging your life. That’s not fair to you either. So just let her know that you are there for her but wish that she lets you know sooner rather than later (i.e. bailing out) if she is unsure she can make it to certain events.
People will fall in/out of friendships their whole lives. It’s a two-way street. You can’t be the only one pulling all the weight. You will tire yourself out and get irritated (like right now. lol! NOT good for your own mental health.)
Post # 5
I think she has so much on her plate that she doesn’t even realize she is sending you the signs that she doesn’t want to be friends. I believe that if she is inviting you places and then bailing last minute, she has good intentions, but doesn’t have the ability to be a good friend right now. Also, I dont’ know if I would take you up on the offer to help out, even though I would definitely appreciate it. I have had both my parents die of cancer, and I was really didn’t want people making a big deal out of it; I just wanted to seem normal. Remember, people grieve in different ways, and this may be a time in your friendship where you have to give more than you get. I would wait it out and see if this continues after her life calms down and then reevaluate everything.
Post # 6
@peachacid: 🙂 lol cute…Keisha from SYTTD is having her own show here in Canada, and we are going to the taping. She has known about this for months. I really wanted her there. She got all the info, and said she was gonig t obe there.
She did email me back and said that she is having girl issues (she had minor female surgery to help with periods a few weeks back) and that she called her doctor and the appointment they offered was that morning (the Friday).
She said she called almost a week ago…my Fiance read it and he said it sounds like she is lying and making up reasons not to go.
Whether she is or not, I will never know. Just sucks she isn’t going to be there.
@Sasha2011: you are right! I know she has a lot on her plate. But even when I have a lot on mine, I still try to make time for her. I mean, this is the only thing…the only thing I have going on before my wedding…the only thing is this.
@onyx: I really agree wth you. Fiance dad died of cancer a year n a bit ago, and I spent many a day dragging him out of bed. I know she doesn’t want to ask for my help, I realyl see that. It’s tough: I care about her a lot, but I am also really upset that the one thing…that one tiny little two hour committment before the wedding…
It means so much to me because I am doing nothing else as its my second wedding…
I mean an email..really? She always is bailing and not showing to things. I’m s oconflicted right now-very mad, confused…
she sent the email to the tv show FIRST and ccd me.
THEN she emailed me.
It was AWFUL, I am also embarrassed.
Post # 7
@fivemonthsnotice: I am guessing her email to the show was much easier to write then her email to you.
I think stepping back and seeing this objectively might be a good idea. She has a parent dying of cancer. She just had a surgery and has had medical problems herself, and its sounds like she has a had a tough go of it relationship wise. I honestly think this girl has so many other things going on right now that missing your taping of Keisha, isn’t that big if a deal.
You are still going to have a great time the day of your taping, even if she can’t make it. Sourround your self with your other friends and BMs and have a great time.
Post # 8
@ieatunicorns: this +1!
In the grand scheme of things, it sounds like what she has going on trumps the planning of a wedding. I know it sucks so bad to not have her there and you sound like you are being understanding and supportive, but sometimes, especially with something as devastating as losing a parent to cancer, a person just needs to be alone. Perhaps she just doesn’t know how to say that to you and she thinks that providing you with excuses is easier on your feelings than hearing “I want to be left alone.”
She’ll come to you when she needs you, but for now, focus on the great things in your life and be there when she asks you to be!
Post # 9
I have to admit if I were going through all the things your friend is going through I just wouldn’t have the physical or emotional energy to celebrate. I would also feel guilty about it, and that in turn would make me feel less like seeing anyone or doing anything…
I’m sorry this is affecting you, and I know how painful it is. My best friend’s baby died the day my boyfriend proposed. We both knew both things were coming, and they just happened to occur the same day. We are both struggling to meet each other where we are at… her devastating grief, my intense joy… it’s just hard both ways… No matter how supportive each of us tries to be.
Post # 10
@Americano: omg that is awful about your best friend.
Thanks everyone for the support. It realyl helped me calm down and you guys are all right, she probably can’t bring herself to celebrate and get into it…
I feel so bad for her. I feel like an awful friend for not doing anything for her right now, other than just offering…
I am going to give her a call later on and talk about it 🙂