(Closed) Heartbroken :( Close friend drama

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Keisha like the singer?  

If her mom is really sick, I think you should be forgiving of her for bailing.  She might feel really upset and worry that she would ruin your fun time with being sad.  OR she’s flakey…has she ever flaked on you before?

 

I have a friend who is notoriously flakey.  She doesn’t even let people know she isn’t going to show up…she just doesn’t.  Still, she is my best friend and since I know that about her, it doesn’t bother me like it once did.  It’s like, well that’s P.  

Post # 4
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If she has a lot on her plate the most you can do is just be supportive and offer help and leave it at that. Don’t expect her to be available to hang out as much any more if at all. But do request her to let you know in advance if she can make it or not so you don’t waste your own time waiting for her or rearranging your life. That’s not fair to you either. So just let her know that you are there for her but wish that she lets you know sooner rather than later (i.e. bailing out) if she is unsure she can make it to certain events.

People will fall in/out of friendships their whole lives. It’s a two-way street. You can’t be the only one pulling all the weight. You will tire yourself out and get irritated (like right now. lol! NOT good for your own mental health.)

Post # 5
Member
1611 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think she has so much on her plate that she doesn’t even realize she is sending you the signs that she doesn’t want to be friends.  I believe that if she is inviting you places and then bailing last minute, she has good intentions, but doesn’t have the ability to be a good friend right now.  Also, I dont’ know if I would take you up on the offer to help out, even though I would definitely appreciate it.  I have had both my parents die of cancer, and I was really didn’t want people making a big deal out of it; I just wanted to seem normal.  Remember, people grieve in different ways, and this may be a time in your friendship where you have to give more than you get.  I would wait it out and see if this continues after her life calms down and then reevaluate everything. 

Post # 7
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@fivemonthsnotice:  I am guessing her email to the show was much easier to write then her email to you.

I think stepping back and seeing this objectively might be a good idea. She has a parent dying of cancer. She just had a surgery and has had medical problems herself, and its sounds like she has a had a tough go of it relationship wise. I honestly think this girl has so many other things going on right now that missing your taping of Keisha, isn’t that big if a deal.

You are still going to have a great time the day of your taping, even if she can’t make it. Sourround your self with your other friends and BMs and have a great time.

 

Post # 8
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

@ieatunicorns:  this +1!

In the grand scheme of things, it sounds like what she has going on trumps the planning of a wedding. I know it sucks so bad to not have her there and you sound like you are being understanding and supportive, but sometimes, especially with something as devastating as losing a parent to cancer, a person just needs to be alone. Perhaps she just doesn’t know how to say that to you and she thinks that providing you with excuses is easier on your feelings than hearing “I want to be left alone.”

She’ll come to you when she needs you, but for now, focus on the great things in your life and be there when she asks you to be!

Post # 9
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have to admit if I were going through all the things your friend is going through I just wouldn’t have the physical or emotional energy to celebrate. I would also feel guilty about it, and that in turn would make me feel less like seeing anyone or doing anything…

I’m sorry this is affecting you, and I know how painful it is. My best friend’s baby died the day my boyfriend proposed. We both knew both things were coming, and they just happened to occur the same day. We are both struggling to meet each other where we are at… her devastating grief, my intense joy… it’s just hard both ways… No matter how supportive each of us tries to be.

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