(Closed) Heartbroken – engagement called off

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 136
Member
4027 posts
Honey bee

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alonebee:  Wait, did you take him back? He may have been depressed, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior or the way he treated you.

Post # 139
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee

congratulations, bee! I’m so happy that you’re moving on from all of this πŸ™‚ welcome to the next chapter in your life! I admire your guts, I really do! I am drinking a glass of wine as I surf weddingbee tonight, so here is me raising my glass and saying ‘cheers’ to you!

Post # 140
Member
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Congratulations on selling the house.  Maybe go back and try one of those guys that you didn’t think could stand up to you in an argument.  After my ex and I divorced it took me a bit to recognize what a good man looked like.

Post # 141
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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alonebee:  I was in a similar boat. My now husband and I were together for 6 years when we got engaged and 7 years when we got married. After 3 years there was a lot of “talking and tears” mainly because we werent on the same page and he wasn’t opening up to me as to why. I felt like I always spoke openly with him about everything and I didn’t feel like he was telling me everything so that caused a lot of pain and frustration. He finally had a conversation with his family and they basically reiterated everything he and I spoke about repeatedly with no resolution. I was prepared to leave if he didn’t either propose or at least talk to me honestly about what was going on that was causing the hesitation.

After about 5 years I just saw his demeanor change and he seemed more sure about himself and more “grown up”. He was more open with me about the future and an impending engagement, in turn that calmed my fears and allowed me to “get through” the waiting (not that it didn’t hurt). Once we were engaged he told me about everything he was afraid of and all of the things he was “waiting on” for it to be the right time and it finally all made sense. It sucks that it took him awhile to come to that realization, but he did have that moment.

If he has EVERYTHING that you love and want except for the marriage, I would try to work through it. Can you continue to be engaged so that your relationship is at “the next level” and then try to move towards marriage slowly? You already have a house that you purchased together- that to me, that was a wayyyy bigger commitment than getting married. There really shouldn’t be anything at that point that should scare him in terms of marriage. That piece of paper really is just insurance- it doesn’t change your day to day lives in really any way. I didn’t feel any different after we got married and neither did he and he was surprised by that because he was absolutely terrified and he didn’t even know why.

Post # 142
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

Wow. I feel like i’ve just read my own story, but with a different outcome. I hope you find happiness and that he gets help to find his. 

Post # 147
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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alonebee:  omg i didnt see any of the updates so weird i didnt see the extra pages. Lol you mustve been like “what is wrong with this girl?” when you read my post so sorry!!!! Def not the same thing. You 100% did the right thing and im glad you saw him for what he was quickly and are getting on with your life! The right guy is out there for you! πŸ™‚

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  MissJulianna.
Post # 148
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Voila la porte. Ouvrezla. Ayez un bon jour Monsieur . Translation: There is the door. Open it. Have a “nice day!”

Post # 150
Member
17 posts
Newbee

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alonebee:  Just came back for an update πŸ™‚  

I’m refinancing my condo now and will be done with my ex-fiance very soon. It is such a great feeling to be able to move on.  He also has been wishy washy and back and forth but I truly mean it when I say I have no feelings for him after these past few months.  I know you have had a long hard few months as well and I commend you for moving forward as I can truly say, I understand the tough feelings, emotions, and difficulties with all the loose ends that need to be tied up.  Here is to a summer full of freedom and excitement!  Much love!

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