Heartbroken Mid wedding planning. Advice needed.

posted 8 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

Bee, how are you doing? I don’t have any advice; just hopes that you have gotten some comfort and help from friends since you posted. amoct19 :  

Post # 3
Member
1100 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I’m sorry to hear nothing has changed since you posted about this last week. Is FH still working crazy long stints? 

 

ETA: shoulda paid attention to the post date. Seems you posted twice on the same day about the same thing and this post just bumped to the top today? Either way, I hope things are better for you 

Post # 4
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry bee. Have you asked him about this? If you plan on marrying him, you should be able to have a conversation and ask him what’s going on. Maybe it has nothing to do with you, maybe he’s overwhelmed with planning, maybe he’s concerned about finances, whatever. Talk to him. 

Post # 5
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Well, for me it was no happy time. All the planning and stress was actually not funny at all. And if you read through threads on this board you’ll notice that it wasn’t/isn’t for many.

There was a person that told me to enjoy this time and that it is a beautiful time, and I was like: huh? And then I was feeling bad for not enjoying it. But this is BS. There are so many expectations concerning weddings, proposals, wedding planning, buying a dress that we think that it needs to be a certain way and are thrown off guard if it’s not. So don’t let yourself stress even more because you think it should be “a happy time”.

And as PP said, talk to him, as for him all the planning can just be overwhelming and he needs his time off.

Post # 6
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Sorry this is happening. He may well be feeling a bit smothered. Maybe try and make yourself busy for a bit and see if he comes to you? If not, it would be good to have a conversation about what is getting him so stressed lately. Could be something not related to you, like stress at work. Either way, I think it would be good to pull back a little and give him space and see how he reacts. The wedding planning might just be getting to be too much for him.

Post # 7
Member
774 posts
Busy bee

amoct19 :  

This is a heartbreaking post. You sound like such a sweetheart. I hope you are feeling a little better, and either way, sending you hugs and good feelings through this post.

Here are some suggestions which might help you:

* Talk to him. Not accusingly, not to criticise. Just cosy up next to him at a time when you are both more relaxed and ask him if something is the matter, and let him talk. If he asks you why you say that, list some examples of behaviour of his which has been upsetting. Give him a chance to tell you if something is wrong.

At this point I have to ask though, is this behaviour definitely new or unusual? If it’s a pattern, that’s something to pay attention to and either something to work through with a counselor or postpone the wedding for.

* As I say, consider seeing a counselor/therapist, either individually or as a couple. If your insurance covers it, now would be a great time to use those benefits. If it doesn’t, consider talking to your pastor at church or a trusted friend (not your parents who will probably be overly alarmed). You may be under a lot of stress yourself from work/wedding planning/worrying about your parents/worrying about your fiance, and you probably need support and someone to just get it all off your chest to.

* I know you say you spend all day away from each other at work, but it is still possible to feel smothered when all your free time (away from work) is spent together. It’s not at all a bad thing to do things by yourself every now and again and even regularly. Take up a class or a new hobby, or spend time with friends by yourself, have a girls’ night, go to the gym or exercise… he’ll appreciate you more and it will put some much-needed happiness back into you.

(I think it’s lovely that your mom is going out of her way to buy you a beautiful dress. The best thing you could do for her in return is have a happy relationship to go into upon entering marriage. I’m sure she just wants to see you smile. See if you can repair things with your fiance, and if not, money can be regained, but an unhappy marriage is more serious. Give your mom a hug, thank her, and do the right thing for yourself.)

 

Post # 8
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

Wedding planning can be so stressful. I think what you can do is stop for a break in terms of planning. That is what I did. It got to the point where I felt like it was just stressing me so much and in turn stressing him from me being stressed that I took a break from planning to just enjoy the other aspects of my life and to compose myself. 

So my advice is to remember to take a break every now and then and enjoy each other’s company. For instance I bought a couples massage certificate so that we can destress from all the planning. 

Good luck. 

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