(Closed) Heartbroken & need some support (long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am so sorry to hear that honey! I know it must be so hard on you to see your loved ones deteriorating like that and hurting themselves and everyone around them in the process. 

The only thing you can do and is in your control is remove yourself from this situation. This is one of those unfortunate situations where you need to ‘let sleeping dogs lie’ or you will drive yourself INSANE. Your grandparents have lived their lives and will continue to live it as they see fit. If you are unable to talk to them or have someone talk to them to get it through to their heads, there’s not much else you can do. Irrespective of age, a person will only change at their own will and nobody else’s. Sad truth about humanity.

Post # 4
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Have you considered it may be something else like early onset Dementia/Alzheimer’s?  Whatever signs and symptoms he may be presenting have to be addressed with his physicians to get a diagnosis, so maybe your Mom can make a few calls and get some information. It may not be what you’re thinking at all.

Good luck. Its hard to be so far away and hear what’s happening, and feel so powerless.

By The Way…my Mom had CLL and lived for many years with minimal problems. My Dad has Dementia and is progressing pretty quickly right now.

Post # 5
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Man, I am so sorry, hon. Massive prayers going out to you right now.

I know somewhat what you’re going through- My grandfather passed away a little more than a year ago; he had leukemia and diabetes. If it’s any consolation, he lived with leukemia for an astounding 30 years after he was diagnosed with it, until just before his 92nd birthday. So your grandfather may have some time left yet.

The doctors should be doing bloodwork, etc, already for his leukemia. If they run a tox screen on his bloodwork, that should reveal if he’s been using any illegal substances.

On the flip side, has he ever had any testing done for Alzheimer’s? My cousin’s grandfather has been suffering from the disease for quite a few years now, and some of his behaviors remind me a lot of how you are describing your grandfather.

Post # 7
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think there’s any chance that it’s caused by his dietary changes, which all seem low-risk.

It sounds like a psychotic break (specifically, manic-psychotic), and psychotic breaks are generally associated with schizophrenia, but in those cases, usually it first comes on in a person’s 20s or early 30s, ebbs and flows, but overall gets worse and more frequent at time goes on. One weird prior event wouldn’t count. Schizophrenia seems like a “no.”

It could be due to a physical illness due to the Agent Orange exposure, but likely not the chronic leukemia. It could be something like a brain tumor. But I’m almost certain that it isn’t.

You said you’re afraid it’s drugs (speed or meth). As you said, all the signs point to it (they really do…the sudden increase in activity, the illogical nature of much of that activity, the talking too fast too long and getting lost down tangents), and, he’s done it before, making him high-risk for it. You even hypothesize that he started as a result of his diagnosis, and that’s likely true too. I’d bet money that this is what’s happening. Since your grandmother is so closed off, and he lives so far away, I don’t have any easy solutions for how you can address this, but here’s what I can think of:

I think you have to start with seeing him (try to confirm your suspicions, see how his general and mental health is, maintain a good rapport with him), and talking to your grandmother. Even if she won’t talk to you, dismisses what you say, or tries to cut you off, explain to her that you think he’s using again, that it’s dangerous for him, so it’s very important to try to stop it, and you’re going to do what you can to help him whether she wants to deal with it or not, but you would be so deeply grateful for any help she can give. There must be a way to discover where his source for it is… your grandmother would have access to the information to figure it out. A little detective work may be needed here. The souce for the drugs has to be cut off.

While trying to get your grandmother to help out instead of staying stuck in denial, also confront your grandfather about it, and try to get a commitment out of him to stop (you may want to wait until after you’ve sniffed out the source for his drugs, as he may hide it after he’s been confronted). Assuming he refuses and you can’t successfully cut off the source, I don’t know the law regarding this, but it’s possible that your family may be able to involuntarily commit him to rehab to help get him off the drug.

If you try all this and still can’t get him away from the drugs, you may have to see how to go about getting him declared mentally incompetent so that someone responsible can legally become his guardian, and if necessary, move him away from where he is living, if that’s what it takes to get him away from his source for the drugs. If it comes to it, any chance your grandparents could move to where they can be close to your mom, your aunt, or you?

It’s a lot of work, and it’ll require a thick skin, but I’d guess you already know that and you care about your grandfather and want to help. He’s lucky to have a granddaughter like you.

Post # 8
561 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m so sorry. 🙁 It’s hard enough to watch grandparents deteriorate from natural causes, and this must be that much more difficult. Do what you can, but don’t be too hard on yourself by giving yourself the responsibility of fixing the situation. I hope everything turns out well. 

(also, I see you are in humboldt!! I grew up in Eureka!!)


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