Post # 1
We found out a couple of weeks ago that my Future Sister-In-Law has an anomaly in her brain that docs believe is either stage II or III tumor (not sure if it’s benign). Her symptoms are getting worse. We have surgery planned in a couple of weeks.
I have talked to her and her family on the phone, and have helped my Fiance cope, and have had my own breakdowns. I am in a tough situation too, I work full time, take classes at night, and am taking a huge professional exam in a few weeks that i’ve been prepping for for a really long time. Also, we have a wedding date set in Sep with a lot of things already paid for, so we’re in the process of pulling together everything (and Future Sister-In-Law is part of the wedding party).
Her boyfriend has been amazing at helping her get through this. So much so that I almost wish I could give them my wedding! They totally deserve it. Of course, they’re not engaged, and I am guessing most people would think that offer is ridiculous, but I guess I just feel so much guilt at attempting to celebrate something. I offered to postpone the wedding, but my Fiance doesn’t want the date to change. I guess some of the planning helps distract my Mother-In-Law from her daughter’s illness. But I feel so selfish looking at photographers and picking Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses when they’re going through all of this.
My Future Sister-In-Law lives in a totally different city than the rest of us, and I’m heading up for her surgery in a couple of weeks. I’m also sending some encouraging cards, and helping my Fiance. But I wish there were more I could do. Any suggestions?
Post # 3
oh my gosh – it sounds like you are doing everything you can!
She’s lucky to have such a supportive family.
Try to be good to yourself – you have a life as well. I’m sure your Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t want her situation to affect you any more than it has to. (if that makes sense?)
Post # 4
Don’t feel guilty. The last thing people going through a major illness want is for life to not continue on as usual. Life moves forward, and it’s important for your Future Sister-In-Law to be looking forward to the future, future events, and most importantly, her future recovery!
Just keep doing what you’re doing. Send cards, send fun magazines (I’m assuming she’s stuck around a lot in various doctor’s appointments), give the occasional “How are you feeling?” phone calls, and continue to be a support system for your FH. I’m sure the visit will mean a lot to her! But don’t neglect yourself in the process, and don’t feel guilty about wedding planning.
Post # 5
I agree with the other poster, I think you are doing all you can. It’s a tough position to be in with the two extreme’s, one of happiness and one so painful.
Just keep letting her know you are there, maybe even ask her opinion about different wedding matters or have her included on a surprise for her brother. It may help keep her mind off of what is going on (of course depending on the situation, you may not be comfortable with this.)
Post # 6
I think a lot of the suggestions above are great ones. While not as severe I got really sick this year (we actually pushed our wedding up a year because of it), and I can definitely say that the last thing I wanted was to have anyone else make such a big change for me. Distraction is a wonderful thing especially for those times where I was feeling really awful or was stuck in bed or at the doctor/hospital for hours on end. It’s amazing how much it means just to have someone there or check in with you. And to my wonderful SIL who sat and watched my favorite show with me for hours on end when I was too weak to get out of bed, she was a godsend. Some of this might be a little tougher to do from afar, but some of the best things people did for me was to be there and help out while also not pitying me or trying to take everything away from me. She’s probably having a really rough time with needing to rely on so many others so sometimes having someone ask for your opinion or just doing something to help you feel useful can be a really great thing. Know that what you’re doing is making a difference and just be there–sometimes that means more than anything else. And also take care of yourself and FI–chronic illness takes a toll on everyone. We all need a little TLC sometimes. Good luck, and I will be thinking of all of you.