(Closed) Heartbroken over MOHs behavior, FI and I don’t want her in the wedding

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 21
Member
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Praying for you OP!  Feel free to PM me if you want bounce off some Biblical things back and forth or whatever is on your heart.

Post # 22
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

OP, hope u didnt pay for the nite out since u didnt enjoy it…

i m sure ur Maid/Matron of Honor didnt delibrately hurt you since you have never openly expressed your feelings towards her..

as for God, and you Fiance, i m sure they forgive you. You didnt delibrately put yourself in that position.. its time for you to reallly move on.. there are bigger things in life for you to worry

Good luck with your rest of wedding…

Post # 23
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

“My changed lifestyle to be a Christian one has led me away from her lifestyle, but I can’t tell her what to do, and won’t do that.”

You wrote that your Christian lifestyle is a change for you. From my experience, I can tell you that one of my absolute best friends suddenly became Christian after a bad break up with a boyfriend she couldn’t handle and that was the end of our friendship. She tried to remain friends, but I started distancing myself because I felt her new lifestyle somewhat hypocritical. So I wonder if in some way your friend is doing the same. It’s not easy to come out and say we have nothing in common anymore and I don’t agree with your lifestyle (as much as you clearly don’t agree with her lifestyle), so her planning a weekend that clearly isn’t something you approve of and spending a minimum amount of time with you during your wedding weekend to me is a sign that she is participating because you’ve asked her to, but she has moved on. I could be wrong because obviously I don’t know the girl, but that’s just my guess.

Post # 24
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@heartbrokenbee:  Please stop condemning and punishing yourself. The root of all the anxiety, sickness, and stress you’re feeling, is this self-condemnation. Remember that especially when we fail, God’s grace will superabound and swallow up our failure. To continue to heap guilt and condemnation on yourself, is to basically say that you don’t believe God has forgiven you. Read Psalm 103 and realize that forgiveness is yours – do not doubt it.

Post # 25
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee

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@heartbrokenbee:  

I really empathize with you and your situation with your Maid/Matron of Honor. I don’t believe that you should bump her out of the wedding party, and this is why.

 

Number one, your friend did do some really terrible things by suggesting you go to places you are not comfortable with, however, as the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. I am not empathizing with you on your decision to continue in the evening. You needed to pray, take a deep breath, and either demand your friend take you home, or turn to another woman, borrow her cell phone and call your Fiance to come get you. Now you are dealing with grief, and maybe projecting just a little bit of your remorse onto her? Can you see that?

In terms of the friendship, your friend needs help and is going through a terrible time it sounds like. She has lost her way and clearly is going through something she hasn’t shared with you. You don’t go from good Christian to wild partier overnight. You may not support this friend right now and it may be difficult, but would you leave your friend alone to deal with these demons or will you try to help? She probably feels so alone right now as you are gettting married and happy–she isn’t–I guarantee that…and hence the reason she is coming off as inconvenienced by the wedding possibly.

I would talk to her asap about all of your concerns. If then not resolved, I would ask her if she is comfortable with bein the Maid/Matron of Honor still.

I do honestly hope you get through this and please, focus on your Fiance and you, and the positives that are happening in your life.

 

Post # 26
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@KT808:  THIS!

OP:  You are a Christian.  Stop this already!  You know you’re forgiven.  You are actually behaving as a non-believer by not accepting His forgiveness.  Why are you making such a big deal over this alleged horrible act you commited “against your will?”  Please don’t slap God in the face by making your minor transgression into something worse than it really was.  I don’t mean to be harsh with you.  But, really, did you kill someone that night?  Ok, then, if you actually participated in a murder, then feel guilty.  Otherwise – stop feeling guilty.  It is over.  It is done.  You can’t change it.  God can erase it – IF you will let Him.

As far as your Maid/Matron of Honor goes, either forgive her and allow her to go through her transition in her own life without your judgment and condemnation, or cut the friendship off now.  Friendships change and evolve and some do not survive.  She is neither worse nor better than you.  She should also not be judged by you – that is between her and her God.  If you can’t accept her as the person she has now become, and in all good conscience can’t continue being her friend, then tell her so and move on with your life.  Both of you will be better off.

If you do decide to continue your friendship, please understand that she is evolving as a human being and has her own spiritual journey to make.  It is not for you, or anyone else, to say where or how God is leading her right now.  If she is a Christian, she always will be.  And she is in Good Hands.  Her soul is safe with God.  Pray for her, how about?

Post # 27
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Sunfire:  You almost make me want to be a Christian.  If only there were a church filled with a bunch of Sunfires! 🙂  Beautiful response. 

Post # 28
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@bells219:  Wow ~ that is truly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me in my entire life.  Thank you, so very much.  That brought tears to my eyes and sent a shiver down my spine just now.  You made my whole day by saying that . . .

Post # 29
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@Sunfire:  Amen! I completely agree with everything in your post. I literally could not have said it better.

Post # 30
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@JuneBride2012:  Thank you.

Post # 31
Member
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I read thru some posts, not all.  I agree with what the majority are saying to you…which is, a) let that night go!!  Please, if you asked for forgiveness for the ‘sins’ you committed, then by most faiths, you will be forgiven.  b) talk to her!!  It sounds like you two are at different stages in your life, and you know…that is OK!  A friendship, imo, does not need to end due to differing beliefs, but rather perhaps grow if mutual respect is given.  Tell her that you did not appreciate her ‘forcing’ you to do things you were uncomfortable with, and then FORGIVE her and move on!!  and finally, a different perspective I thought of while reading your post is this:  I sometimes feel that good/great friends are those that try to open you up to new experiences.  They are those that, in moments of being stressed/tightly wound, etc, try to get you to unwind, and have FUN!  Maybe that was her intention…?!  Not to cause you any panic attacks, but open you up to having fun?!  Perhaps she did not know that her evening plans she made for you would cause you so much angst?!  Good luck!

Post # 32
Member
9814 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Sunfire:  I’m not even religious, but a big “AMEN” to this!

Post # 33
Member
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@KatyElle:  Thanks!

Post # 34
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

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@KT808: 100% this!

OP…your Fiance has forgiven you…God has forgiven you…it’s time to forgive yourself. 

Post # 35
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

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@Sunfire:  And yes! You took the words right out of my mouth! Sorry…I missed your post, but you are spot on!

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