Post # 16
So a bit different but Darling Husband and I broke up at 23 because we both knew we were not ready to get married but life was pulling us in different (geographical) directions so wanted to end things amicably. We got back together again ~3-4 years later and married at 29, now pregnant with our first at 31.
Granted, we only dated for 2 years before breaking up the first time, so a far cry from 8 years and I already had some life experience of being a single adult (and the independence required for that). Even still, those 3-4 years were a HUGE growing period for me. I got started in my career, lived all over the world (3 different continents), met new people, dated a couple guys (none super seriously – most were ~6 month relationships). I learned so much about myself, my ambitions, improving myself as a person, navigating relationships (romantic, professional, and friend).
I genuinely don’t think I would have accomplished any of that if Darling Husband and I had gone down the marriage route immediately. And we came back to each other as stronger partners. We’d always known we loved each other, but we both had better relationship skills the second time around.
I’m not saying see this break up as a “maybe you’ll get back together in the fuutre”. When Darling Husband and I broke up it was a break up and I genuinely thought I’d never see him again in my life. Weird coincidences in life brought us back together. It’s just interesting comparing our relationships pre and post – I thought we were super stable and strong even before breaking up. HA! We were WAY better after we both grew up a bit outside the relationship!
If we hadn’t been pulled in different geographical directions, we would have happily continued dating. I can’t 100% say if we would have gotten married or not – there were some serious learnings we both needed in hindsight (some painful) that were better done on other people. We may have married, but I think the relatoinship would have been much rockier then it is now as we would have inflicted those growing pains on each other (rather than elsewhere).
Break ups hurt, and this is a big one to heal from – but try to see some of hte opportunity that comes with it (geographical freedom, nobody else to consider in big decisions, career flexibility, etc). Your 20s are hard but invaluable growing up time – invest your time in you right now and the other pieces will fall into place, whether those include this guy in the future or not.
Post # 17
If your boyfriend was nowhere near ready to be getting married, he had no business buying himself time taking you ring shopping and talking the talk. Guys are entitled to their timelines too or no timeline at all if marriage isn’t even on their radar- but they need to be honest about this, it’s cruel to mislead the other person into thinking you’re both on the same page.
You’re dealing with quite a lot of changes right now, the breakup of a relationship, the completion of college and the beginning of job searching in your field. Absolutely do not feel badly about yourself for moving back home, this is what you need right now. Practice self care, make plans with friends, keep sending your resume out. If it’s difficult finding a job in your field right now, are there volunteer positions in adjacent/ complimentary fields that could enhance your resume? If you’re currently at home, perhaps you could volunteer a few days a week and take a job not in your field for now.
Volunteering has at least 3 benefits- you’re doing something very worthwhile, which is good for your self esteem and overall outlook, it’s a great addition to your resume, and you can network/ make valuable contacts, hear of job openings. And since you’re currently living at home right now, this is a good time to do it as you could likely volunteer part time and work part time while still putting out resumes in your field.
I also second another Bee’s suggestion re career counselling at your college.
It takes time to heal after a break up Bee, it may take time to find your dream job- but you can do it, things will get easier, fall into place, maybe even take you in an exciting new direction. Good luck!
Post # 18
Bee, I am so sorry you are going through this. It hurts, and it totally sucks.
I broke up with my college boyfriend after I graduated. A few days later, I grew to really regret my decision. I felt like my world came crashing down. I moved back home, cut 18 inches off my hair, dyed it blonde, and lost 35 lbs. I no longer recognized myself. I cried most of the day. It took me YEARS to get over this boy (and even longer to be completely 100% over him).
When I look back, I can still define my life as pre and post relationship. But I wouldn’t trade that low point in my life for anything. It brought me to where I am today. I now have a husband who loves me unconditionally. It took 8.5 years after the breakup to get married, but it was worth the wait.
I don’t have much advice on the job front. I did read an article that gave some astounding figures on the job market. It said something like 71% of recent college graduates are overqualified for their job– meaning, they probably didn’t find a career in their field and took any job that paid in the interim.
Just keep applying, keep looking, and try not to be discouraged. Things will turn around for you.
Post # 19
tb0296 : excellent Indeed website is the way to go I’m an MSW too and I live on that site. When you create an account and upload your resume all you have to do is closely match your skills to the criterion required for the position and watch the responses come in. Read requirements carefully and match carefully. You have a lot going for you. When you interview how you handle stress matters. Tell your prospect I’ve emploer that you can prioritize to handle pressure that is usually what they are looking for along with time management. You won’t fail 😉. As for the guy that’s his loss your gain you have the world at your feet young miss take advantage.
Post # 20
When I was 32 my fiancé at the time dumped me out of the blue – in a text message! Not only did I have to move out of state to get closer to family but I also moved in with my parents for a few months while I looked for a new job and basically started my life over. I was so miserable and I was convinced I’d never be happy again – I couldn’t imagine it!
At 35 I’m engaged again, to a far better match for me, living in a city that I love, with a job that I love. Life completely turned around in just a few years… and I’m in my 30s! At 23 you can literally do anything. I know it doesn’t feel that way now. But I promise! Take time to grieve the loss of your relationship but as soon as you can, focus on moving forward and pursue your own happiness.
Some of the best years of my life were in my late 20s when I was between relationships, traveling, exploring different work opportunities, and not caring whether I was in a relationship or not. If you can find that – TRUE happiness as a single gal – your next relationship will be so much better.
Post # 21
Everything truly does happen for a reason . Everyone has experienced heartbreak at one time or another and it’s going to be alright.
You could waitress or bartend while still applying to jobs in your field. That way, you can still make fast/easy money and meet new people, and restaurant jobs are pretty easy to leave when you find a better job. That’s what I’d do tb0296 :
Post # 22
Thank you for all the responses! I have actually been doing a lot better this past week. I have began branching out and applying to jobs in different cities and states. I also signed up to vouleenter with a local organization and I’m looking for a local part-time job for now. I have been able to stay pretty busy with hobbies, friends, and family which has been good. Thanks again for all the kind words and advice! I really do appreciate it!
Post # 23
Great job Bee! Stay positive! Proud of you! tb0296 :
Post # 24
I have gone through some dark times in my life and the only thing I know for sure is that they do not last. I know when you are feeling this way it is almost annoying when people say “Everything will be okay!” But really, truly, from the bottom of my heart, i promise this will turn around, internet stranger. It’s all temporary.