(Closed) Heartwrenching choice…Should I postpone my wedding? Help needed.

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 2
578 posts
Busy bee

For financial reasons, I’d say to postpone the wedding, but for health reasons, I’d actually say to not postpone it. Will your health suffer further by the disappointment of cancelling the wedding? Can you cut costs by shrinking the guest lists? 

Post # 3
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Is scaling back an option for you? Cut the guest list, flower and decor budget, replace the DJ with an iPod, get the basic wedding chicken option instead of the filet, etc.? I would rather be married and spend less than put off being married so that I can spend the originally planned amount. But that is a personal preference. If you would rather wait longer to be able to stick to the original plan, that’s okay too. What I would not do is stress myself out with eating into savings and trying to make the original budget work on the original date. from my experience dealing with family members who have MS, stress has a significant effect on how they physically feel. Obvs, Your health comes first, so it would seem that taking steps to reduce the stress, whether by scaling back or postponing, would be the best step for you right now.

Post # 4
678 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

For financial reasons postpone. It’s the best choice. 

Post # 5
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

BelleEtoile:  First of all I’m sorry your health has been less than stellar and you’re hitting some rough times. I am glad to hear that things are improving and have my fingers crossed for you that things will continue to improve.

I think postponing the wedding is really your choice. Instead of cancelling could you just downsize? Re-evaluate your guest list, look at where you could make cuts in the budget, and see if that helps? Would you rather cancel and reschedule so you can have the wedding you want? then by all means look into that as well.

I will tell you that just based on my own personal preference, I would be uncomfortable dipping into my savings moreso than necessary to pay for a wedding, so if you can downsize, or reschedule so that you can give yourself a little more time to get your feet firmly planted back to where you need to be healthwise and financially, that would be my choice.

Again I hope things continue to improve and get better for you! This is a tough decision but it is your decision in the end. Good luck with everything!

Post # 6
14657 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you are confidient that you will be in a better position in a few months, why wait?  I imagine if you move things around now, you will lose deposits and stuff.  If i had the money for it in savings, I’d just use that and replenish the savings later.

Post # 7
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sorry for your situation but, from a purely financial stand point it may make sense to post-pone. I think you’ll both enjoy the planning process and the day itself a whole lot more when you’re back to where you want to be financially.

Post # 8
403 posts
Helper bee

I would NOT blow my savings on a wedding. Ever!

Have a JOP ceremony followed by a beautiful dinner with close family and friends. Plan a vow renewal to end all vow renewals when your lives are in a more financially stable place.

Post # 9
8446 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would postpone the wedding.  You don’t want to deplete your savings just for one day.

Post # 11
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

BelleEtoile:  Put off the honeymoon.  That was the easiest way for us to save a lot of money.  We put off our honeymoon until our first anniversary so this fall we will be celebrating our first year of marriage with two weeks in Europe.

Post # 12
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I am so sorry to hear that your health has been in rough shape.  I have Fibromyalgia and either MS/SLE/both- so I totally understand where you are coming from.  It also gives me a slightly different perspective than some of the pps; I would postpone or scale back, but not strictly for financial reasons- for health reasons, too.  I can see why there would be a desire to get married right away, but you also want to remember that autoimmune conditions usually flare with stress, so you will want to do what it takes to make things as low-stess as possible for the sake of your health.  

Certainly, financial stress will eventually translate to physical stress, which can translate to flares. By pacing yourself, you allow yourself time to recuperate some of the finances, which will allow you to have the wedding you envisioned, and you can pace the planning (which is a stressor in and of itself).  If you are open to a smaller wedding, then the money saved will be a huge stress relief, providing you don’t find yourself feeling overwhelmed with the planning.  

I guess what I’m trying to say is there are a couple of ways to manage the financial aspects of the wedding without using credit- with waiting or downsizing being some of the alternatives- and from there it is important to find the alternative that will leave you feeling less emotionally and physically stressed, because let’s face it- flares suck.  Wishing you continued recovery! 

Post # 13
3371 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m sorry you’re going through such a crappy time right now, wedding planning is really hard enough without having extra hardship on top. I think the decision to postpone can go both ways, you need to find a solution that’s least stressful for you (emotionally, physically and financially).

Will you lose deposits now if you postpone? I’m assuming you’ve worked it out that it would be financially better to postpone, even taking into account lost deposits. I think there are ways to cut down your budget, as other have already suggested. We wanted an exquisite wedding with lots of special details, so we ended up opting for a destination wedding to help trim the guest list to an intimate group of our nearest and dearest.

Classical music is important to me too, so we’re having a string quartet for the ceremony and part of cocktail hour before switching to a playlist. We’re forgoing a band or DJ for the reception, and also not building a dancefloor/marquee or anything like that. 

If I wasn’t having a destination wedding, I would totally look into DIYing my flowers and decor. I think if you have an artistic eye and strong sense of aesthetics, it can work out beautifully and save a ton of money. 

In the end, you need to follow your heart as well as your wallet. If postponing feels like the right thing to do, and reduces your anxiety levels, then it’s the right decision.


Post # 15
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

BelleEtoile:  I probably wouldn’t postpone unless things were really dire financially. WHen things are a bit crap sometimes it helps to have something like a wedding to look forward too and as a bright spot. Darling Husband was unemployed the first 6 months of our engagement. During that time I didn’t overextend ourselves with any of the bookings I made and then once he did find employment again I  was able to ‘splurge’ on a few more things that we could now afford – eg. live music etc. Perhaps do that if you know your income will pick up again soon?

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