(Closed) Heated discussion on the Knot

posted 13 years ago in Money
Post # 17
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2021

I totally agree with everything peihan17 just said.  I am trying (perhaps unsuccessfully) to convey that everyone pays for their wedding in different ways.  I am definitely not judging as to where money comes from! 

Post # 18
Member
1485 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Theoretically, student loans are to fund your education.  However, I have lots of friends (and a husband!) who admit to taking out student loans for other purposes.  DH got one his last year in grad school simply because he knew he would have expenses related to starting work (new clothes, moving, renting an apartment in a new city) for which he didn’t have the money).  My sister got one partway through grad school because she had an internship in DC, and didn’t really have the clothes for it.  I’m not sure how using a student loan at Ann Taylor is any better or worse than using it to help pay for your wedding.

That said, it’s always a good idea to think hard about how you’re going to pay back the money you borrow, and to what extent you really need it. 

Post # 19
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I thought student loans worked a little bit different then they do (obviously!), so my feeling on using them to pay for a wedding has changed a bit (in the last hour ).  I still do not think it is the best idea, but as everyone has been saying, its your choice how you pay for your wedding – and not anyone elses business!

Post # 20
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I really think this is a touchy subject.  Honestly, I could care less how anyone else paid for their wedding.  My parents paid for most of it, we saved a good amount, and some things definitely went on credit cards.  I think unless you have the cash, any debt is the same, no matter where it came from.  You have to pay it all back someday.  And student loans are the one thing they really do have to pay back.  And it has the lowest interest rate.  If you think about it, many people take out equity loans on their homes for things unrelated to their homes, like new cars….whats the difference?  I just don’t care what someone else does with their own financial situation, unless they come to me asking for money!

Post # 21
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

I also don’t think its right for people to tell someone else not to do it.  She only went on to ask if anyone else was doing it.  If she is comfortable with that, who cares?  She shouldn’t be lectured and/or judged for that.  If she is on her way to getting her PHd, chances are she’ll be able to pay it back, and I can’t imagine she is taking out a $20k loan for the wedding.  I mean, even a car can be a frivolous expense, considering you can buy a car for $5000 as opposed to $25k, and who pays cash for that?

Post # 22
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2008

First off, let me say that I have never personally benefitted from a student loan, but based on what I saw while at college, many people are using their student loans for things other than their studies.  I have seen many grants spent on partying and clothing.  So for me the source of the loan is irrelevant. 

Whether or not to fund a wedding from debt should be a personal decision based on your comfort with debt and your capacity to pay it off.  I think its pretty unrealistic for a wedding to be paid for exclusively in cash particularly in a large metro area, but one must always be careful not to get in over their heads!

Post # 23
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

The Knot is a hot mess!!!  If that is what months (years?) of planning does to a bride, then I would rather not have it .  I had to lol at how personal the thread became.

When I was in college, I had a student loan and I had to use a portion of it to BUY a car (I went to a commuter college).  It was a smart decision and it didn’t blow my financial future.  Some people may have opposed it, but I had to do what I had to do to get back and forth from home, school and work.  Some folks may have questioned it, but here I am ten years later and I am doing ok.

Post # 24
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

It is actually illegal to use federal student loan funds for anything other than educational expenses. If she gets caught she can have all of her current loan money rescinded, receive no further funds in the future, and have her balance of past funds become immediately payable. 

That being said, everyone I went to college with used their extra loan money to buy beer. They just didn’t advertise that fact on the internet.

Post # 25
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I am not really sure how I feel about this issue as it really is tied into some much bigger questions about our society today.  Debt can be considered both bad and good.  If you have student loan debt consolidated at a rate lower than you a earning in a savings account, well that is good debt.  If you can manage your loans and payments in a smart way, you can actually make money off them (i.e. credit card reward programs).  The problem is that many people do not fully understand the nuances of debt and can easily get in way over their heads.  Additionally, many lenders pray on people’s emotions (i.e. dream wedding, dream house, dream car…) to compel them to spend much more than is responsible.  The hardest thing to reconcile is the difference between what you want and what you can honestly afford.

Obviously this is most apparent in weddings when not only is a $2 billion industry throwing all of its marketing at you, but you are inundated with t.v. shows and magazine articles talking about the beautiful bride and the perfect wedding with all the trappings.  We are told time and time again that "weddings are expensive", that’s because the people spreading that message want us to spend a lot of money!  Not everyone can shop at Prada, but every women seems to think she can pull together the "Platinum Wedding" she may or may not be able to afford.

The decision to take out a loan for any reason is very personal and unique to everyone’s different situation.  I really wish our society didn’t put so much pressure and expectations on women to have a "wedding" in the typical mold, despite our individual situations.  This is exactly the outcome of such pressure: young people putting themselves into debt to throw the wedding society expects them to throw, complete with cake, photographer, band, dinner, flowers, etc, etc…  

Since I got engaged, I read this fantastic book that has helped me keep things in perspective throughout the planning, and I’ve subsequently have given it as an engagement gift to many of my friends: "One Perfect Day" by Rebecca Mead.  Borrow it from your library.  Seriously, it’s a fantastic read.

Post # 26
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well said, MsShamrock. It is important to understand what debt you are undertaking and why.

And I like CarolineG pointing out that some point used student loan money to buy beer. I can think of a few friends who did that, too!

Post # 27
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

regarless of whether its legit or not to use the money for a wedding, what’s really crazy to me is that people have extra loan money after paying tuition? i had student loans all thru school and at no time had left overs for beer, let alone enough to cover wedding expenses.  i definitely see the temptation to use the extra cash you have but from the perspective of this recently married girl still drudgingly paying off student loans i would advise against using student loans towards a wedding. i cant say what i’d do in the situation, but i can say that unfortunately paying off loan debt will haunt you long after you or your guests remember what kind of flowers you had, what the invites looked like or the favor regardless of how much you spend on the wedding :/ esp with the interest.

Post # 28
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My future father-in-law took out his one and only student loan to pay for their honeymoon, and I think it’s an adorable story.  As a heavy borrower from student loans myself, I think you can use the ‘room and board’ half of the loan however you’d like.  I use it to support myself and supplement my (currently small) income.  I don’t distinguish whether the money comes from my job or the loan, it all just goes into my savings account. 

Post # 29
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

As a fellow grad student, I had to check out the link. The thing I found comical about some of the posts on the knot were the people saying that they should "just save" for the next few years for the wedding.  They clearly have no clue what a grad student lives on.  I was considered "lucky" that I got $15 K a year, while my Fiance was in school he got an $8K stipend (and we were both putting in 60+ hours a week).  My department also made us sign a contract stating that we would not get an outside job as this would impede from us completing our degrees in a timely fashion.  Each semester, I’ve been eligible for about $2-4K in federal loans. Sooo…while I don’t think I would have personally taken a $4K loan just for the wedding, I can see where the OP on the knot considered it as a strategy.   I’m just glad that I’ll be wrapping up my diss next month and moving on to a job that can actually help pay for the wedding! 

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