Post # 1
Member
29 posts
Newbee
Hi Bees,
I am having a hard time deciding on a Maid/Matron of Honor and there is a long story involved so I will sum it up very quickly. I have a friend who was my best best best friend until we were 20, we got into a fight that lasted two years, since then we are friendly but not best friends. She assumed that she was my Maid/Matron of Honor even though I never asked her, so I had to tell her that she was not going to be Maid/Matron of Honor.
If I had to pick one person to do the job it would be between my future SIL (brothers fiance) or my friend. Because I am unable to pick one person over the other, Fiance and I decided that we will not pick a Maid/Matron of Honor or a Best Man. in that case I would have 5 bridesmaids and assign bridal shower duty to Future Sister-In-Law and bachelorette party to my friend.
My parents think that it is totally trashy to assign jobs to my bridesmaids if they don’t have a special title. They feel that I need to suck it up and pick one person as my Maid/Matron of Honor. After discussing this with my Fiance we came up with a plan B. Have my Future Sister-In-Law be the Matron of Honor (she will be married at the time of our wedding), my friend be the Maid of Honor, and my other friend (the one who assumed she would be MOH) be the “Honorary Witness” (she will be the person who signs our marriage license). I haven’t brought it up with my parents yet, or people involved other than my Fiance.
Does this sound like a good idea to you ladies? Any advice would help…
Post # 3
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@kgrnbrg299: Do you only have 3 girls?
If so having a matron of honor, maid of honor, and regular bridesmaid might come as a slap in the face to your friend.
Why not just leave it as 3 bridesmaids and let them decide how to organize a bachelorette party and shower (if they choose to do both)?
Post # 4
Member
9024 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I dont think they need to have a special title other than the title of Bridesmaid
Post # 5
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
I don’t think you have to label them at all. I mean, I suppose they have to walk down the aisle in a particular order but with my BM’s none of them are doing any specific “jobs” because they are maid or matron of honor.
Post # 6
Member
29 posts
Newbee
@KatNYC2011: It’s going to be 5 total. Four friends and my Future Sister-In-Law. I think my main problem is the fact that my parents really think that I should be picking one person. I am having the hardest time picking one person between Future Sister-In-Law and my friend. If we do it this way it will be:
Matron of Honor
Maid of Honor
Bridesmaid (who will be the witness)
Bridesmaid
Bridesmaid
Am I really going way overboard? Should I just listen to my parents and pick one person?
Post # 7
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
I say pick one or none at all.
In a pinch, I think you might be able to get away with having a matron and a maid of honor, but no more titles beyond that.
Post # 8
Member
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
@kgrnbrg299: Ok… that is fine.
But you could also just go with them all being bridesmaids.
Post # 9
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
Just pick one or two. I can see having a Maid and Matron of Honor since those are pretty usual and they will be planning things, but I’d forgo the Honorary Witness, especially since it sounds like you’re giving her that out of obligation and less as an honor. Have your one of the MOHs be the witness and let that girl be a regular bridesmaid.
I say this as someone who has maintained until recently that I will not have a Maid/Matron of Honor. Because of this fact, my entire bridal shower fell through without planning and I will not be having one at all now. Also, someone is going to be expected to give a toast — how would you pick that person, or would ALL of the titled bridesmaids give toasts? That will get long.
Make it easier on yourself and them and just pick one. It will be less dramatic to pick one than to juggle all this.
Post # 10
Member
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
I would go ahead and give the party planners an extra title. I’m in a situation now where I’m doing all of the planning and shelling out the money for a bridal shower, but I’m not the Maid/Matron of Honor, another girl is. I’m happy to do it for my friend because I love her, but it doesn’t leave a good taste in my mouth. If they’re going above and beyond the call of bm duty, they should have a title that reflects that. Since there would be two other girls that are just bms, your friend won’t be left out in the cold.
Post # 11
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
I could see doing a Matron and a Maid of Honor together (the Matron is married, correct?), but I don’t understand the Honorary Witness. Why not just have your Future Sister-In-Law sign the marriage license?
ETA – Ohhh, I see the Future Sister-In-Law is your brother’s fiance. They will be married before you, right? Technically, I don’t think a Matron refers to a single or engaged woman.
Post # 12
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
I have 5 girls and Fiance has 5 guys.. I have 2 MOHs and Fiance has 2 Bridesmaid or Best Man.. thats how we wanted it.. we couldn’t (i.e. Fiance couldnt choose.) so this way we didnt have to
Post # 13
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
My two sisters are going to be my maid and matron of honor. My best friend who I’ve known more than 12 years is a Bridesmaid or Best Man with no special title. She doesn’t mind and it would have felt like too much to give her a special title as well.
Post # 14
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
I think your last idea sounds good, although I don’t think it’s neccessary to have titles at all. This might get a little sticky when people assume the person standing next to you is the Maid/Matron of Honor though, so again I think the Maid/Matron idea is a good people pleaser 🙂
Post # 15
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
Definitely just keep it to Maid/Matron/BMs. I’d say just make them all BMs, but one of my bridesmaids was previously in another wedding where there were five BMs and no Maid/Matron of Honor, and she said it was brutal trying to organize anything. They had to self-appoint a “leader” anyway. She was super happy I had a Maid/Matron of Honor, lol.
Post # 16
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
I say pick one or none at all and you should probably just pick your Future Sister-In-Law. None of your friends can really be offended if you pick family to be the Maid/Matron of Honor. This is what I did so I didn’t have to pick one friend over the other. I also don’t think you can “assign” shower/bachelorette party duties to anyone in particular. It is up to them if they want to throw these parties for you or not and I don’t think the title really matters. One of my BMs is planning my bachelorette party because my Future Sister-In-Law is older and doesn’t really know what I would want to do in Vegas the way my friend does.