(Closed) Heirloom Dilemma

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
4238 posts
Honey bee


First, breathe. You don’t know what’s happening so don’t worry. Second, why would you view the ring as “not meant for you?” A male descendent giving a legacy ring to his future “Mrs. Family Name” is just as appropriate as a female descendent receiving a legacy ring from their matriarch.

Just my $0.02.


Post # 3
9064 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

wakingwinds:  I would just try not to fret about all of the implications until he is actually offering you that ring. I would hate for you to get your hopes up, if he happens to propose you can always say that whilst you love that ring, you feel like prehaps you aren’t it’s rightful new owner. You never know, he may have already asked his sister / cousins etc.

Post # 4
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I don’t want to be a Debbie downer but I don’t see why sending his aunt a text message and then hanging up a phone call equate to him asking for someone else’s ring…  Do you know more than you’re telling us?  Maybe they were chatting about school, finances, even engagement in general :D. I honestly would be stressing at all, I don’t think you have enough info!

If you are certain the ring is for you than I wouldn’t worry about who owns it.  Maybe grandma said she could wear it until he found someone.  Could have been meant for his future bride all along!

Post # 5
3307 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My son is going to get my pear diamond when he gets engaged, my daughter won’t complain at all. Not all families are filled with greedy people. Don’t start imagining problems before they materialize.

Post # 6
46 posts

Operative word MIGHT want it.  It may not be any other female family member’s style and maybe your SO already thought about these things.  Even if he didn’t, your aunt probably thought about it.  His cousins are already married, so I doubt they will think twice about it.  If I was his cousin or sister, unless I had already discussed with my grandma or expressed to her to I would want it, I wouldn’t care if someone else wanted the ring.  My other advice is just let him surprise you without trying to deduce what is going on.  You don’t want to ruin a happy moment by already guessing what will happen and making yourself miserable about the implications that might not even exist. 

Post # 7
9375 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Yeah I agree with PPs… this is a bit cart-before-the-horse. If it does end up happening, then deal with it. For now, it’s not worth worrying about.

doberman:  TBF though, you have other diamond rings to pass down to your daughter!

Post # 8
10119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You’re assuming an awful lot here. Slow your roll and stop worrying about it until its a sure thing.

Post # 9
5153 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

wakingwinds:  I dont think its a big deal. Just because he’s a male doesnt mean he doesnt have a right to it. I have my DH’s great grandmothers ring and he has a sister AND three female cousins. I’ve never felt guilty about it and theyve never mentioned anything. 

Post # 10
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I actually think it’s more common for a grandson to get the ring and give it as an engagement ring then for a granddaughter to get it.

My guess is grandma also has a slew of pearls, broaches, earings, etc. that will be gifted to the girls… If your SO is doing this and his family is supportive that is essentially the most beautiful way they can come together to say “you are our family” and you should be honoured.

if there’s any side eye, it’s not like you’re jumping up and down going GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE! I have a set of family heirlooms that I loan out to cousins/sisters when they walk down the aisle for their something old. we share!

Post # 11
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t think it’s that wierd. I have an heirloom ring. I’m not sure why I was the one that got it, as there were several nieces, and grandnieces and nephews passed by before I came along and Fiance was given it to give me. It’s a family ring, there is no side eye or jealousy. We have already talked about passing it down to our son one day.

Unless there was someone closer in the family that REALLY wanted the ring for themselves,  then I wouldn’t put too much thought into it.

Post # 12
8998 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

What they all said. Plus FWIW  ” a sapphire with a diamond  halo” sounds much more like  an engagement ring ( wedding rings  usually being plain  bands back in the day) .

IDK if that makes a difference of course!

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