(Closed) Heirloom or new (ish) engagment ring?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
  • poll: Should I keep the heirloom ring my fiancé proposed to me with or get the dream ring that I want?
    Stick with the heirloom ring my fiancé proposed with. : (6 votes)
    30 %
    Wait a couple of years and then upgrade to the ring you really like. : (2 votes)
    10 %
    Get the ring you love and wear the proposal ring on special occasions or as a pinky ring. : (12 votes)
    60 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead

    mercatbride:  Can we see the ring? Also this is something you two need to talk about, maybe talk to him about an upgrade at a big milestone, or maybe tell him you want to wear it as a RHR. What ever you do, you just need to remember that his feelings matter too, he most likly feels crushed that you dont like it and feels bad for using it.

    Post # 3
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee

    I say take him up on the offer! Considering the fact that your dream ring is a pawn shop find and might not be there in a couple years, you’ll always have that ring in the back of your mind as a missed opportunity. Also, I wouldn’t have the proposal ring appraised, given the fact that it’s a family heirloom. Maybe you could propose the idea of turning the ring into a necklace! Or keep wearing it as a pinky ring and you can pass it down to your future children (:

    Good luck!

     

    Post # 6
    Member
    3307 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    This is a touchy situation. Plenty of posters will tell you you’re being shallow, materialistic, etc. I, on the other hand, think that if you have to wear something all the time it might as well be something you like. And you’re not asking for a ridiculously expensive ring. I would tell him how you feel. Marriage is full of difficult conversations. You should be able to talk about an inanimate object together.

    And I wouldn’t start to add “flourishes” to the current ring. It’s not going to be what you want and you’ll have spent $ just to be disappointed.

    Post # 7
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee

    I think you should get the ring you want. Obviously, his priority is to make you happy and to have you be happy whenever you look at the ring. I also think it would be sweet if you had a ring that symbolized the two of you and reminded you of going shopping with him and “making him squirm” and all that. While the heirloom ring is a thoughtful gesture, it’s not necessarily “you” and you can definitely wear it as a dainty RHR or on special occasions, as you suggested. I say get the ring you love before you miss out and regret it!

    Post # 8
    Member
    5158 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2010

    Well, the thing with antique and vintage rings is it is not so easy to just get it “down the road”. They can be one of a kind. I looked for a certain style antique ring for ages looking for just the right one (not an engagement ring but I wear it as on my left ring finger often!) When I found it I knew right away it was my dream ring and I jumped on it because I knew after looking for 3+ years I would never find one that was like it, and in my budget, ever again. So, I understand why you would like it and like to get it now.

    I also understand why you want to look at your engagement ring and feel joy about it, not negative feelings. Those negative feelings can grow in time – and that is not a good feeling to tie to your engagement ring or to live with (and will likely end up with the heirloom ring being kept in a box). I am sure neither of you want that. 

    Both can have meaning. The heirloom ring can still stand for his effort, his excitement to ask you, the memories of that proposal. The new ring can stand for working together, for listening to each other, to starting your own marriage with a “new” ring special to you as a couple.

    I agree with doberman here, you are the one wearing it day in and day out, and you need to be the one who loves it. You should also be able to, respectfully, sit down and talk to your Fiance about your feelings here.  You need to stop reading into his face his feelings too, because he needs to be responsible here for communicating his own feelings and not saying things he does not mean if he does not mean them! You both need to be able to trust each other to be honest with each other about your feelings. It might not seem that way now, but honestly this in reflection will be one of the “easiest” difficult conversations you may have in your life together!

    I really don’t think this is an either or situation though, you can wear both (if it is okay for you to keep the heirloom if you get the new ring):

       1. Buy the cluster ring yourself and wear as a RHR (nothing wrong with buying your own jewelery!);

       2. Wear the new ring as your engagement ring and the heirloom as a RHR (a friend of mine did this –  she received a heirloom but felt it was important to her to have her “own” ring and her and her husband created an antique inspired design for her engagement ring, the heirloom he proposed with resides on her right hand);

       3. Wear both and switching them out as you wish (a few of us here have alternates). The heirloom ring will be perfect for lower key days, traveling, and so on.

    Re appraisals…if you get insured wifh Jewelers Mutual they also take a sales receipt the first time if purchase was within I think it is 18 months. The thing with appraisals is you want to be careful of not getting an over-inflated appraisal for insurance purposes – many of them are – as you will pay a higher amount in insurance premiums you would not get back. There is a poster on Pricescope right now who has been insuring her heirloom ring for years at the appraisal value. Her diamond was recently damaged and the insurance company is only willing to pay her out half of what the insured – based on appraisal value – is as that is what the stone is actually worth at fair market value. They aren’t giving her the overpaid premiums back! So if you do get appraised now or down the road, make sure to comminicate you do NOT want an overinflated appraisal. Lots of people get these overinflated appraisals and get giddy they got some bargain….nope, it is just bad communication over what an appraisal is or means.

    My antique ring has an appraisal sitting at home for over $23,000. That is WAAAY overinflated. I paid a good chunk less than half of that just recently. It is insured through JM for the recent purchase price. When I need to re-appraise it I will be very clear about wanting a realistic current replacement value appraisal…a little cushion for inflation before the next re-appraisal but not 1.5x, 2x, or more the actual replacement value.

     

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead

    mercatbride:  Aww its similar to a family ring we have in my family. I agree with not toying with it to much, as it would loose some of its character, but I also think you need to love what you will be in every day forever. With that being said, I think you should keep feeling him out, maybe this new ring can be like your wedding band to him and then keep this one for special occasions. 

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