Post # 1
Any of you experience this? It’s a tradition in my family that everyone get engaged/married with my grandmother’s engagement ring. I say it’s a tradition because all of her children (she had a few of them) did this. I was given the ring from my aunt, who had it last, and I’m supposed to give it to her kids when they’re old enough. Fortunately only two of my grandma’s kids had children or this would get really difficult.
I’m the first grand kid to get engaged, but I have weird feelings about the ring. I’ll have to give it up to one of my cousins when they go to get married. I don’t think I want to pick out a band to go with this ring, as well as, have it in all of my pictures just to give the ERing up in a few years. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful at all, but I want my ring to be the ring that I keep forever.
On the plus side, I’ll get to pick out a ring later that is exactly what I want, but I know the ring I choose will be totally different from this one & I want a cool band that compliments THAT ring. What if I fall in love with a ring that’s not gold, and I end up with a gold band to go with this heirloom?
I want my ring to be special, and to be the ring that I wear when I marry the love of my life. Should we maybe look for a ring now and deal with my family if they get upset that I’m not using it? I mean, I seriously doubt I’ll get it back for my kids. My grandparents will be long gone by the time my future children get married. So, I guess it stays with whichever of my aunt’s kids get married last. It just seems so weird.
Post # 3
- Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand
Not sure if this is feasible, but I suggest maybe buying an ering & band to match now but keep the ering in a safe until you have to give up the heirloom ring.
Post # 4
Personally I’d skip using the family ring and pick out a set you want.
Post # 5
Buy the set now, get married with the heirloom, and use the set you selected after you get married!
Post # 6
Post # 7
I’ve never heard of this but I think it’s kind of a cool tradition. Do you actually like the heirloom ring? If so I would use it. Then you can get a new ring when it’s time to pass it on. As for the wedding band, as long as it isn’t made to fit an odd shape in the heirloom ring, I think you’ll be fine. Or just get a cheaper one and then you can get a new one when you get a new e-ring. Which would be a perfect time for a vow renewal!!!
Post # 8
I added a poll because they’re fun!
That’s what everyone else has done. They all upgraded after a few years or when they had to. I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t really care for the ring, but I think that’s because of the whole giving it back thing. It’s a flawless diamond (a little on the small side) with a really simple setting. If my Fiance had picked it out or if I didn’t ever have to give it up, I’d LOVE it. I just feel so weird about it.
Post # 9
@MoodyFoodie: I wouldn’t use a family ring I had to share. I have never heard of this. It’s not a gift if you don’t get to keep it. An heirloom ring is one you pass on when you die, like Will giving Kate his passed mother’s ring. This sounds like a selfish and slightly odd tradition. Get your own ring now so the ring in your wedding photos is yours. I want to marry my husband wearing the ring I will have on for the rest of my life. That means something to me. Thus, I would not be ok with this tradition. I think if your family gets mad at you for wanting your own ring that they are being super selfish. You are your own person and get one life. Live it how you choose.
Post # 10
I’d get a set you like that he can propose with and you can get married with that will be your official ering/wedding ring.
Maybe use it as a RHR for awhile? You’d still be able to use it at the ceremony, especially if it’s small/simple like you say.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
@MoodyFoodie: if I were you I would get a plain-ish (solid) band that matches the ring you have currently. depending on how much projected time you have with the ring before you have to give it up you could get a ring to suit those purposes until that time. When you do have to part with the ring it opens you up to getting a brand new Bridal Set. Buy the rings whenever you have the money to dedicate to the purchase.
Btw you can always get a “stunt ring” for now if you want a shiny
Post # 13
We’re already engaged. He proposed with that ring already. That’s what made me realize I felt so weird about it, and I’ve been thinking about it for months. The proposal will be special regardless of the ring, but I don’t want to have those feelings about the wedding too.
Post # 14
THIS! It’s difficult to find people in my family to relate to this because they all just upgraded to even bigger diamonds after a while. I don’t want that.
Post # 15
Okay so this sounds kind of neat and interesting but also like the story might end at some point since you say the rest of the cousins may not pass it on. Since as the generations go on this might get sort of tricky the tradition may need to be modified.
For instance you could keep it going in future generations by:
1. Someone in your family wants to propose to their significant other, they ask the last person who was proposed to for your grandmother’s ring and propose with it. Then they go out as a couple and pick out a ring set, your grandmother’s ring goes in safe until the next time someone proposes.
2. Same as #1 except the right is brought back out for the wedding ceremony and worn on the right hand (as a something old, borrowed etc) then put away for safe keeping.
3. Someone in your family wants to propose to their significant other, they ask the last person who was proposed to for your grandmother’s ring and propose with it. Then they go out as a couple and pick out a ring set, your grandmother’s ring stays on the person’s finger til the wedding. After the wedding they wear the new ring set then put away your grandmother’s for safe keeping.
4. Someone in your family wants to propose to their significant other, they ask the last person who was proposed to for your grandmother’s ring and propose with it. Then they go out as a couple and pick out a plain wedding band to go with it, your grandmother’s ring stays on the person’s finger til the next person proposes and at that point you just wear the band or get a new ring. (Imagine how much you could save for a ring between here and then!)
I think your family should be more flexible with the tradition if they want it to continue. You should maybe discuss with them how you are feeling and see if I modified version of the tradition would work for both them and you.
Post # 16
How about you wear grandma’s ring as your engagement ring, you and Fiance pick out a killer blingy standalone wedding ring, then transition grandma’s ring to a RHR until it’s new owner is tapped.