Post # 1
I have an interesting dilemma and am seeking advice. My late grandmother (who I was very close to) left her beautiful 1.8 carat round brilliant diamond to her three daughters, my mom and two aunts. Before I put a lot of thought into it, I told my SO I would love to have her diamond in my engagement ring. Not only is it gorgeous, but it has a history. My grandfather on my dad’s side, who was a jeweler, sold my mom’s dad this diamond for my grandmother’s ring. So both sets of grandparents are involved. SO spoke with my mother about what he would need to do to secure the diamond for me, which involved him paying out to my aunts their shares in the stone. My mom did not want to be reimbursed for her share. The whole idea of paying for an heirloom seems odd to me, but I guess I have never been in their shoes. But regardless, he would not be able to find that quality of a stone for that price.
After much debate on the topic, SO and I decided we would look at other diamonds as well. He loved the idea of him picking one out himself, making it special to both of us, as opposed to the heirloom diamond which would really only mean a lot to me. Of course, he was picking out the setting on his own, but he got excited about the idea of getting to choose the diamond too. I told him I really like ovals and what size I thought I would like (because he’s totally clueless). He would not be able to purchase a stone of the same size and quality as my grandmother’s for the same cost. But now that I’ve been looking at oval stones, I’ve realized I think I love them more than the round brilliant.
SO needs to know which stone I want so he can move forward with the setting. And for the record, he’s said numerous times that he only wants to do what will make me happy and he is fine either way. I am having the hardest time making up my mind!
Do I go with the heirloom round brilliant which is very special to me? Or do I let him pick out an oval on his own, that might not be of the same quality/size, but makes it more special for him?
Thanks in advance for any advice!
This topic was modified 5 years ago by lollinlove.
Post # 2
I also think it’s weird paying for an heirloom, but I don’t know much about these things! I would go with your grandmother’s ring. It seems like such a beautiful story and piece of history to keep in your family. So when/if you have children, you can pass along the ring. I’d go with what you want (not necessarily what the SO wants!).
Post # 3
I’d go for more bang for my buck, especially one with more history in it. I get that a diamond could be “special” cause he picked it out, but at the end of the day, it’s just something bought for a store with no history imo. (I personally perfer rounds too, but if you really want a oval, that could be your deciding factor). I also think that it makes sense that you would have to buy out your aunts, and not your mother. (Though I also think it was odd to leave a single physical item to 3 different people). They own a share in it too, and buying them out essentially leaves the diamond to your mom to pass to you since she does not want to be bought out.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2016 - Simsbury 1820 House
It’s odd to pay for an heirloom, but in this case I kind of get it. It’s going to be on your finger. Do you want a round with history or an oval and something unique to you and your FI?
Post # 5
Yeah I’d certainly go for the heirloom. I think in a year or so you’ll wish you had the stone with more history. Also I love that my stones are basically cruelty free because they’re heirloom (not bagging new ones at all – it’s just a bonus with heirlooms if you can get one). Congrats and enjoy!!
Post # 6
Paying for the heirloom is awkward. I think it should be left to one person, or nobody at all. Are we sure he would have to pay for it? Does everyone just sit around looking at the diamond? why not just sell it then and divvy up on the money?
Post # 7
I like both ideas of either having the heirloom or purchasing the oval that would make him happy to buy for you. But if you go with the heirloom, I would talk to your mom again to make sure that once her sisters are paid their share of the diamond they won’t turn around and resent it later (Especially if they have children that may want it later on).
Post # 9
Heirloom. And while paying for the stone may seem odd, it isn’t your mum’s and aunt’s fault that it wasn’t left to one person. You mum is caught here because it isn’t exclusively hers to give you. Buying out the “shares” of the aunts seems reasonable, especially to make sure there are no hurt feelings. But I’d go with the stone with history for sure.
Post # 10
Having split up estates, I don’t think it’s strange to buy your relatives out of the stone. After all, it is property of the estate and perhaps they would like it. Grandma could’ve specified who was to get it, but I would get it appraised by an independent appraiser, and decide if it’s worth buying out your relatives so that special diamond can be yours without any guilt Or bad feelings.
Good luck and I’m sorry for the loss of your beloved grandma. 🙁
Post # 11
Heirloom for sure! That is so much rich history for your family. The diamond doesn’t need to be important to him- it’s not his heirloom. I would suggest he pick out your setting and you get the heirloom diamond.
Post # 12
I think I would pass on the heirloom because the situation is a little weird. I agree its fair that they be paid for it in this situation since they don’t all agree to just give it to you. The women should probably agree to sell it and each take their share. If it ends up on your finger even if you pay I wonder if there may be a little resentment someday or feeling they didn’t get their fair share or that it shouldn’t have gone to you or something along those lines. On the other hand if you think they all feel great about the price and it going to you then I think it would be special to have the heirloom stone.
Post # 13
- Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon
I adore cushion cuts. I did not particularly like princesses. When we began to look at rings, Mother-In-Law offered the princess cut diamond from her ring. The one that DH’s dad proposed with 30 years ago. At first I was torn, but then I realized what it would mean to wear the diamond that represented the love that had created and raised the man I fell in love with.
In the end, all diamonds are beautiful and it’s wonderful to look down and see such love just sitting there innocently on my hand.
It’s up to you. After knowing how I felt about recieving an heirloom, I’d go with the stone that has history.
Post # 14
Thank you everyone for the advice. I’ll admit I am leaning more toward my grandmother’s stone. Her entire estate was left to the three daughters equally as her heirs because her will was not updated in the short amount of time in between my grandfather’s passing and hers. The ring has been in a lockbox for about three years. No one really wants to buy the other two sisters out to do something with it, like set in a necklace. But I agree that it is their right to get their share, especially because it is really valuable.
I am the only granddaughter who is not married and has expressed any interest in the ring. And not to sound like a brat, but I don’t think they are too inclined to give it to a grandson because there is a decent chance it might not come back to the family in the event of a divorce. I don’t think they will attempt anything catty like that. Depsite them sounding cold in this instance, we are all very close.
Post # 15
That is good to hear! There are so many horror stories here on the Bee with similar situations. Personally, I don’t think your family sounds cold at all for accepting money. If I were one of your aunts, I wouldn’t mind being compensated for my share of an inheritance (then I could get something I want). It makes sense since your grandmother gifted the diamond to all three of her daughters.