(Closed) Hello all I'm new to the waiting bee but not new to waiting

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
4548 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hello and welcome.

In the end, if he does not want to marry you it won’t happen. This man seems to have not given you any concrete indications that marriage and children are on the near horizon, and as a 39 yo woman you have to know that the children aspect is a ship that will sail in the very near future!

Your post made me sad when you talked about essentially fixing yourself to make him not want to live without you. You should not have to even think about this stuff if he was the right man. 

Look, we are of similar ages. At this point you have to look at where you have been in life and what you want to do with the last half of it. If you want children and marriage I would give him an ultimatum, I rarely endorse these, but in your situation you don’t have heaps of time for patience. He can either show evidence of moving forward to the things that you need (especially the children part) or you should get outta there.

This is the least blunt as I can be. 

 

Post # 4
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

Oh no I’m sorry to hear this:(. I would think about freezing my eggs at this point. It is a expensive route but I would think it’s well worth the money if it’s very important to you.

Even ask your GP for a referral to a fertility specialist it can take up to 6 months to see one. They can do your bloodwork and check your hormones:).

I habe a friend that is currently single and she is 37. She decided to freeze some of her eggs and felt like this was the best decision she has ever done for herself. I’m not saying you should do this but thought I would share with you.   

Post # 6
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

I just wanted to say welcome! Your situation sounds tough, but I hope that this board can help and maybe bring you some peace of mind knowing you’re not alone. 

Post # 7
Member
10944 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

tigerlilygirl:  

Wait a minute.  He’s giving you instructions on how you have to improve yourself before he will consider moving forward?

Eff that.

Stop jumping through hoops for this guy.  He reminds me of Lucy with the football.  Find a man who loves you & wants to marry you just as you are.

Your SO sounds like he’s stringing you along, tbh.  He’s got all of the power in this relationship.  It’s time you took your power back.  Do you really want to marry him or have you just got so much invested, you don’t want to leave him?

Post # 8
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

It sounds to me that this guy has been stringing you along with no real plans to marry you which i think is really f*cked up because he knew that you wanted to get married and he knew that you wanted children and i feel he has been extremely selfish. Now in his defense you did stay and i dont think you should have. I get that you love him but this relationship could have just robbed you of ever having children and i dont think that is love. If he truly loved you and cared for what you want he would have married you. If it were me i would have left along time ago. Im sorry if this is coming off harsh just alil tough love because your story truly does break my heart. 

Post # 9
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee

You have basically been waiting 7 years, I don’t think trying to change yourself is the answer, he should know you and be able to make a decision. I don’t think you have the same life goals. I can’t believe at 37 and after 5 years together he helped you freeze eggs instead of making a commitment.

Post # 10
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Scarlett11:  Leave him, find donor sperm for your eggs. Become a mother and live happily ever after. Hopefully you’ll meet the man of your dreams who is happy to be the father to your children and if not then you can be 100% the mother you dreamed of being. 

You shouldn’t have to change for someone. That isn’t why you marry someone anyways, let him go and either you find a new and better partner or do what I said above, don’t waste your time/pretty on someone who doesn’t care and isn’t interested in forever with you.

Post # 11
Member
5864 posts
Bee Keeper

((((hugs))))) I’m sorry you’re at a low point in your life but it’s so hard to hear you beat yourself up over this- you talk about making yourself better for him etc, like your self esteem has eroded. 🙁 Unless he has SERIOUS, legitimate qualms about marrying you- things you *should* change- like constantly racking up irresponsible debts, constantly flying into tirades over trivial stuff etc. then yes, he has the right to say you need to address these issues. BUT if he says you need to ‘work on yourself’ before marriage as in be fitter or more ahead in your career, or stuff like this (I get the impression the latter is the case), then sweetie he’s being extremely unfair and selfish to you, not to mention egotistical. He’s made you feel to blame for stalling marriage and, even worse, he’s made you feel unworthy of him. He should be thrilled at the prospect of marrying you and hoping he’s worthy of YOU. Don’t you deserve that?

And you have the right to solid answers, don’t let him dodge your questions by accusing you of nagging. You’ve waited more than long enough and you really want children and age is a factor. It makes no sense that you’re already living together and he’s helped pay for your eggs to be frozen but he won’t make a commitment to marriage.

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