Hello and how to not be a jerk for my wedding

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I think you should ask his sister to read a poem or something during the service.

also, you didn’t technically invite them. If someone mentions it and you know they aren’t; tell them. “We are really only having family”.

Post # 3
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think doing a reading for the ceremony would be nice – to be honest, wrangling kids is probably not the most fun job. Someone has to do it, but I woudn’t necesarily be excited myself to do that (just being honest, I love kids, but compared to other “wedding jobs”, it would not be my top pick to do)

For the uninvited guests who have invited themselves, tell them the venue capacity is really small and while you’re honored they would love to come, there’s just not enough space to invite anyone other than family and really close friends. I’m sure they will understand.

Post # 4
Member
47255 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

For your friend:

“I’m sorry, there must have been a misunderstanding. We are unable to accommodate extra guests. If that means you will be unable to attend, we will miss you at the wedding”

Post # 5
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

I’ve noticed the #1 answer for your first question around here seems to be “have him/her do a reading”. Personally, all that says to me is our relationship wasn’t close enough to be involved in your wedding so you scrambled to find me something to do. She’s not going to die if she doesn’t have a task. I’d pass on looking after kids (not only pass but thats a hell no) and doing a reading, signing the license would be fine but knowing our relationship I wouldn’t expect to be included. I’d rather be a welcomed guest. Thats just my perspective on this, she could feel differently. As far as the uninvited inviting themselves, which is not cool, simply let them know there’s not enough space as mentioned above. 

Post # 6
Member
1840 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think either getting her to do a reading or be a witness would be a nice touch, depending which suits her personality better (and whether you’re having readings).

For your friend and everyone she wants to bring,  sir her down and tell her that you just want a small do, tell her who exactly is invited and say sorry but the rest aren’t.  I don’t think you’re a jerk for doing so. It’s not like you’re inviting other people instead if her family – it’s that you don’t want any others there.

Post # 7
Member
3865 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Signing the licence is nice. As for your friend, of course she can’t bring her entire family, she’s being extremely rude. Tell her you don’t want a big wedding and there is no space in the venue or the budget for her family.  

Post # 9
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee

Well, if your best friend has a boyfriend he should be invited. Taking care of kds at a wedding isn’t really an honor, it’s a job. 

Post # 10
Member
7102 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree, saddling her with taking care of the kids isn’t an honor – it’s a job (and actually probably the crappiest one….sorry OP). I’d either ask her to do a reading, ot just let it be. She won’t melt or wither away with some duty at your wedding, unless she herself has expressed she’s upset about not being included.

As for the invites. Only those who get an invitation are invited. So don’t talk about your wedding with anyone, especially on places like facebook. People will know they aren’t invited when they don’t have an invitation.

Post # 11
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

Ask your best friend if her bf is coming to the wedding, if she says yes just say great I’ll put you down for 2 meals/seats so that brings the number of guests to xx. If she says whoa wait a minute I’m briniging a troupe with me you just say, oh no, we couldn’t possibly acoomodate them, we’re just having family really. This thing of people inviting other people along really annoys me.

Post # 12
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

heatherfeather61317 :  as far as the extra guests–if anyone asks about bringing extra people (or RSVPs for extras), simply call to let them know you’re sorry for the misunderstanding but you can only accommodate those listed on the invite, and how many of those will be attending?

I’d definitely find a way for the sister to be more included. Basically babysitting the kids of the wedding party is like, saying Cinderella was ‘included’ in her stepmom/sisters’ family….like, no, she just cleaned and looked after them. Lol. Have her do a reading during the ceremony, or something along those lines. If you’re going to make her watch the kids, pay her since she’ll be babysitting and not “being included.”

Post # 13
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

heatherfeather61317 :  

I think it’s a good idea to have his sister be a witness. Is there any way that she can also dress in the wedding party colors to also fit in a little more? Not a bridesmaids dress or anything but a dress in your wedding colors. Also, will you be including her in the wedding party pictures since all the other family members are in the wedding and will be taking pictures with you guys?

Post # 14
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

Hi Bee.  I don’t know if you have a religious background, but my Darling Husband and I were close to a friend getting married, but we were not part of the wedding party. They asked us to commit to praying specifically for their marriage for one year.  They had us join them on the platform and take commuion with them before their vows. It turned out to be super special. 

I recently talked with a friend also who said she was not part of a wedding party of someone she was close to, but that she had still been invited to spend the day with girls in the bride’s room getting ready.  She said that made her feel very special and like she was more than just an invited guest.  

Hope this helps! Let us know what you come up with! Best Wishes!

Post # 15
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you’re going to make things worse by giving her the (very big and exhausting!) job of preparing the kids for the wedding and babysitting them beforehand.  She has to get ready too! I don’t think it matters if your child is “cute” or they get along – you’re really not helping your relationship with her by having her do something you could hire someone to do.

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