(Closed) Hello Catholic Bees! Advice on living together before marriage please :)

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This really depends on your church itself. Keep in mind things are different than when our parents where getting married. I would recommend talking to your priest hopefully he understands and can tell your mom to back down and that the church accepts this now especially since your already planning the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - St. Philip Catholic Church/Arcadia Brewing Co.

I totally hear where you are coming from! I was so SO worried about living with Mr. Aardvark before we got married. The way it worked out, we lived together for about 4 months before getting engaged. Are you currently engaged? If you are I would say your mom’s you’ll never get married is totally out of line. Even if you’re not engaged, have you talked with you SO about it?

We had to meet with a couple of priest because we live in one state and are getting married in anouther. I was SUPER nervous about it every time. So far no one has batted an eye. Seriously nothing. I was half expecting to be refused communion or something but they were totally cool. I’m sure that varries from preist to priest but I bet you can find a nice one.

Best of luck!

Post # 7
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

I lived with my SO for 3 years (2 of them engaged) before we got married. I am Catholic and so are my parents. My mom didn’t really mind but my dad didn’t like it. After 6 years of marriage, neighter of my parents care anymore.

I was also scared about how a priest would react. I told the truth (that we lived together) and I guess it’s a bit more common now days because he didn’t make a big deal out of it. I did have to go to confession before we married (and admit to premarital “fun time”) but it wasn’t so bad.

I’d say if your comfortable living with your Fiance than do it. It’s not your parents choice. They will adjust eventually.

Post # 8
Member
827 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My Fiance and I have been living together for about 6 months and just got engaged 2 months ago. We have met with the deacon and it was not an issue. We begin pre-cana in 2 days and were debating admitting to living together to the people there, but we have decided to be honest about it. It doesn’t seem to be as much of an issue with the church as it was years ago. Although it may go against the church’s beliefs, I strongly believe people should live together before making that commitment- work out all the ‘kinks’ beforehand (or as many as you can 🙂 ) and be sure that you can be with this person forever.

Post # 9
Member
352 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We are both catholic and have lived together for almost three years.  We have been engaged for 1 of those.  We were very honest with the priest and it worked out in the end.  I am sure my parents were not happy about the decision to move in but we are adults and they made a decision not to get in the middle unless we ask for advice.  

In marriage class they will tell you and I believe that this is true.  You are marrying each other and your relationship has to come first.  Either they will support it or not but the most important thing is you make sure your relationship is strong.  

Good luck.  I feel for you.

Post # 11
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

We lived together for about six months before our wedding.  The classes actually went pretty well.  We never actually told them we lived together, though we never denied it, either.  I think they knew, but they never really said anything about it.  It wasn’t anywhere near the problem I thought it might be.

 

My parents lived together before marriage, too.  Then, the first time my parents walked into the priest’s office to do their pre-cana, the priest was on the phone.  My parents only heard the tail end of the conversation, but as they walked in, they heard, “They’re living together, but they want me to marry them!  Can you believe it?  Oh, sorry, the next couple is here for their meeting.  Gotta go.”

 

They were absolutely convinced they weren’t going to be able to get married after that.

Post # 13
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

We are just moving in together, six months before our wedding.  Priests in this region of the country are a lot less strict when it comes to pre-marital living situations.  I think they understand how expensive things are and that living together makes more sense. 

 

Post # 14
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I’m not Catholic, but my last two sets of Catholic friends to get engaged lived together first. So I don’t think you’re going to shock a priest- he may not “approve,” but he should be realistic.

Post # 15
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011 - St. Joseph's Parish, Seattle Tennis Club

My husband and I lived together for 3 years before getting engaged, and 1 year before getting married. Honestly, I think it depends on your priest/parish. Our priest that we did pre-wedding meetings with in NJ was totally fine with it (although encouraged some separate time to be by ourselves and really think about how marriage would change things), and our Seattle priest who officiated our wedding was fine with it too. Again, I think it just depends. 

As to your mom, I’m sorry – that sounds really frustrating. I was scared of telling my parents that I was moving out to the East Coast to live with my (then) boyfriend (now husband), but they all loved him and were totally fine with it. I’m really surprised by your mom’s reaction, considering you are already engaged and spending the weekends there. Could you sit down and have a talk with her? Maybe ask why she is having this reaction when you already spend weekends there, and tell her that it hurts your feelings. If you are clear with her that you are going ahead with moving in, and let her know your feelings on the issue, hopefully it will put things into perspective for her. 

Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

this is why i’m not a practicing catholic …. too many rules. lol

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